The Deli Thread: Moved to Site. Thread closed.
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
Posts: 23283
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 The Deli Thread: Moved to Site. Thread closed. Note:
This thread now has its own website. A few weeks after it started i realised i enjoyed it; and i was having trouble coming up with something original and fun to do as a web project. This thread was the first thing i saw potential for; I realised that the forum limitations would cause problems if i continued to do it - and it seemed to be popular and entertaining with the users here. So its moved to a richer overall experience but a similar; simple format which ive called "The Deli". I hope you can all check it out. I will continue to update this thread for as long as i can with the same stories that appear there. You can now leave comments without me going nuts for your hijacking.
Click here to go see it
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Last edited by Michael. on Mon Jun 05, 2006 9:10 pm, edited 176 times in total.
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| Wed Jul 13, 2005 1:59 pm |
 
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
Posts: 23283
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OWEN WILSON INDULGES IN ASS EVERY NOW AND THEN OWEN WILSON is a BROWN-NOSED STALLION
Page Six wrote: WHICH blond stud, nicknamed the “Butterscotch Stallion,†has a perverse sexual bent? He recently picked up a girl at a wedding and the two went back to his hotel room. When the woman asked if he had a condom, the actor replied: “I don’t want to have sex with you, but I do want to do something else† and proceeded to lick her buttocks for “over two hours.†Hmm, Owen Wilson and Butterscotch Stallion typed into google returns 17,400 pages versus the same search but with Sandra Bullock's name returns impressive 106 pages . I am completely stumped as to who this could be. Tom Cruise? Jennifer Lopez? Ben "Teabag" Affleck?
Oh hell lets just say its Owen Wilson because I kind of want to be sued a little.
Vince Vaughn commented "My ass is STILL wet!"
Whilst Luke Wilson winked and said "Good times" when asked about his brothers ass licking tendancies.
Meanwhilst Owen Wilson was going to sue someone [anyone] over the whole "I lick out peoples asses" issue http://www.defamer.com/hollywood/gossip ... rst-112385
and unwittingly told the world that he sucks ass in bed; no i mean he actually is really rubbish.
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Last edited by Michael. on Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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| Wed Jul 13, 2005 2:05 pm |
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
Posts: 23283
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Mariah says terrorists sabotaged her movie career Mariah says terrorists sabotaged her movie career
Now we actually have something to thank terrorists for....if Mariah Carey's logic is anything to go by.
Speaking about her box office disaster and the film i would only see if a re-animated corpse threatened to place his dusty manhood into my ear otherwise, Mariah blamed September the 11th for her being painted as a bitch and Glitter bombing. Thank you terrorists, for bannishing Mariah Carey from making another movie ever.
Huge Sausage wrote: “I released it around September 11, 2001,†the singer told Swiss newspaper Sonntags Zeitung as translated on fan site MariahDaily. “The talk shows needed something to distract from 9/11. I became a punching bag. I was so successful that they tore me down because my album was at number 2 instead of number 1. The media was laughing at me and attacked me.†Additionally, Mariah also said that the movie was just too cutting-edge for it’s own good. “‘Glitter’ was ahead of its time,†she explained. “Today it’s ‘in’ to make 80’s music.†I think Mariah, also known as Huge Sausage Lady in many european countries, may have been on vacation to Mariahland [transportation: a bucketfull of cocaine] when the whole international attrocity happened. Mariah probobly didnt realise that a september release and 1,200 theaters is the studios way of saying "You suck and are a salami-creature!!" either.
She probobly got one of her terrified <strike>peperamis</strike> Personal Servants to give her the "brief" when she landed back down from Mariahland and thought "Hmm...i didnt ever use the world trade center. I guess the rest of the country is equally passive to this as i am. Im hungry. I am hot. I guess its okay to blame terrorists for my careers low point instead of say; the fact that everyone hated the movie and now knows i am a non-acting <strike>sausage</strike> singer and my album sucked salami..."
Mariahs only remaining fan, homeless guy in pink Mariah t-shirt who looks like LoyalfromLondon said simply "Bitch, PuhLeeze Mariah is obviously just going through a tough time with bein all famouser and shit again!" I didnt ask him any more questions, but did leave money on the bedside table on my way out.
Mariah, honey, America is suddenly thinking "Maybe we don't belong together".
And suddenly, im in the mood for a hotdog..
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| Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:03 pm |
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are-why-a-en
MISSING IN ACTION
Joined: Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:42 pm
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Location: The Beautiful Islands of San Diego
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ehh..I actually believe that the album didn't do so well because of September 11...
and the film would have made 10 million more AT THE BEST if it was released somewhere BEFORE BEFORE BEFORE september 11.
I actually liked Glitter though
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| Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:11 pm |
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
Posts: 23283
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Mariah Carey Is A NUDIST SALAMI!! Mariah Carey Is A NUDIST SALAMI!!
Dousing rumours of affiliation with sausages - Mariah Carey revealed to the world that shes actually a huge salami trying to fit into a sausage wrapper when she
Quote: Mariah Carey caused a stir at her recent performance on a TV show in Germany when her clothes fell apart, accidentally flashing her breasts to a crowd of fans.
According to IMDb.com the blushing crooner experienced a moment similar to that of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" at the Super Bowl last year.
The floor managers came to her rescue by quickly cutting the lights and Carey went backstage to have the problem fixed.
Before running backstage the 'Glitter' star said, "Someone bring me a jacket or the show's off, we all know how quickly these images can spread around the world."
The show continued when Mariah reappeared looking perfect.
Shes such a brave <strike>meat product</strike> girl! EVIDENTLY this was a pre-orchestrated act designed to attract attention to the fact that Mariah Carey is indeed bursting at the sausage wrapper.
A few days ago a German TV Interviewer told Carey she resembled a "stuffed sausage" due to her particularly tight dress and what he claimed to be "cellulite"
Someone get this girl a salami wrapper please.
Meanwhilst; Carey's sister is a hooker steak.
Once again, thanks to the beautiful and talented Mariah Carey for being so hillarious recently.
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| Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:14 pm |
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Amos
Indiana Jones IV
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 10:54 pm
Posts: 1585
Location: New Zealand
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Re: Mariah Carey Is A NUDIST SALAMI!! Michael wrote: Shes such a brave <strike>meat product</strike> girl! 
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| Wed Jul 13, 2005 8:18 pm |
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Mister Ecks
New Server, Same X
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:07 pm
Posts: 28293
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Where are the pictures of Mariah naked? If there's none, I deem this thread useless.
And I hereby deem this forum useless, unless I get Mariah Carey naked.
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| Wed Jul 13, 2005 8:46 pm |
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
Posts: 23283
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Jessica Simpson is a STD ridden britney wannabe Jessica Simpson is a STD riddled Britney wannabe
Hindainstun Times wrote: Without intending to be mean, pop princess Jessica Simpson who recently got into trouble for her raunchy video "These boots are made for Walkin" called pop singer Christina Aguilera "nasty".
According to Breakingnews.ie, Simpson was being interviewed and was discussing her new role as Daisy Duke in the upcoming Dukes of Hazard.
She had to compete with Spears for this role and says, "She has a really cute butt and she would have been cute in the role. But I'm glad I got it."
As she chatted a little more about her rivals she added, "Vocally I prefer Christina; as a person, Britney. Christina has that edge. She's the nasty girl, but she is extremely talented."
From this educated piece of PR work from Jessica Simpson we can conclude that Jessica Simpson did infact bang all of the cast of Dukes of Hazzard [aside from the totally gay Sean William Scott] and that she still wants to be Britney Spears and she thinks Christina Aguleria is a bitch.
Its also likely that Simpson is up for threeway sex with both singers. Who will likely broadcast the event live on MTV. He repeated calling Britney Spears "cute" roughly translates to "Oh god she looks like shit since she married Kevin, im hot and shes just...like vomit" The media could be heard orgasming all over the fantasy world in my mind.
Our Jessica Simpson doll said : "Oh my freakin lord i did not mean to sound like i was tryin to be britney spears on my awful rehash of a nancy sinatra song! What? This is tuna!!?!?!?"
Our Britney Spears doll said: "Kevin, Baby, come back to bed i want to FUCK!"
Our Christina Aguleria doll was unavailable for comment as she had to be tied down and gagged after repeatedly attacking the other dolls. Her PR doll said only "Christina is going through some health problems, and her tiny little doll pills are making her sexually frustrated." Christina could be heard moaning like Linda Blair in the back ground.
Meanwhile someone who isnt a doll commented that Jessica's new song -"These Boots" - sounds remarkably like the singer is trying to mimic not only Britneys infamous whispy croaks - but Christinas banshee wails.
Vladmir Putin announced that he would stop his no longer top secret nuclear superweapon program now because thanks to Jessica Simpson he has found a much more powerful weapon.
In other, related and not so nasty celebrity news - Britney Spears donated $50,000 to a cancer charity - continuing the singers name for donating to various causes such as her summer camp for kids and a substantial sum to the Tsunami efforts. The cynical amoungst us would point out that Spears was paid an estimated $80m for being Pepsi's poster girl.
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| Thu Jul 14, 2005 1:41 pm |
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are-why-a-en
MISSING IN ACTION
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Location: The Beautiful Islands of San Diego
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Is Jessica Simpson doing porn yet? Wake me up when she does.
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| Thu Jul 14, 2005 2:25 pm |
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Eagle
Site Owner
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 1:09 pm
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Location: Pittsburgh
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I like this much much more.
This thread is sweet, and linking to all the stories in first post = good idea.
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| Thu Jul 14, 2005 2:55 pm |
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
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Cameron Diaz is a stupid egotistical slut Cameron Diaz is a stupid egotistical slut
Aside from being with Justin 'I was just playin when i put my penis in JC's ass, dawg, i aint a homo' Timberlake, Cameron Diaz has started to do some stupid shit on a Catherine-Zeta Jones-Douglas path.
Shes suing a photographer who took images of her topless 11 years ago for offering her the photos for $3.3m and saying he would sell them elsewhere if she didn't cough up - with the alleged "fake release" he penned himself - according to Diaz. Who brought an army of rainforest creatures to her trial [commentry continued after long boring quote from AP]
Quote: RYAN PEARSON
Associated Press
LOS ANGELES - Cameron Diaz testified she wasn't ashamed of topless pictures taken early in her career by a photographer she said later threatened to sell them before the "Charlie's Angels" sequel premiered in order to portray her as a "bad angel."
Confronted with the 1992 photos of her in fishnet stockings, leather boots and, in at least one shot, holding a chain attached to a male model's neck, Diaz said Thursday she wasn't enthusiastic about releasing the pictures, although she did believe her bare breasts looked good in them.
"At least I have that going for me," she recalled thinking.
Continues....
The 32-year-old actress testified she didn't see Rutter again until he arranged a meeting in June 2003 on the week that "Charlie's Angels: Fully Loaded" was released. She said he told her prospective buyers were now willing to pay $5 million to use the photos and an accompanying video of the shoot in what would be a worldwide campaign that would include a 40-page magazine spread and ads on "buses, billboards, kiosks."
She said Rutter also told her the unidentified buyers were "going to use this against you."
"'They're going to put good angel, bad angel, and it's just not a really good thing for you, Cameron,'" she said he told her.
Diaz said she proposed a partnership in which she could control the release of a few photos and profits would go to Rutter and a charity. She testified that Rutter refused, saying he needed to be paid $3.5 million within two days or he would release the photos.
"I said, 'You're blackmailing me, John. This is extortion,'" she testified. "I had never felt so violated. ... It leaves a hole in my chest. I was sick to my stomach."
In a fast-moving cross examination before Diaz left the stand, Rutter's lawyer portrayed the Venice photographer's proposition as simply a "business opportunity" in which Rutter gave Diaz "right of first refusal."
Defense attorney Mark Werksman suggested Diaz was trying to unreasonably suppress photos she considered damaging even though she has often posed provocatively when it benefited her career.
Werksman pinned to a display board four Maxim magazine pictures showing the actress in a bikini with her "Charlie's Angels" co-stars.
"It was a sexy movie, right?" the attorney asked.
"Thank you, I guess," Diaz responded.
The actress is also suing Rutter, an action that is pending in civil court. Meanwhile, a judge has issued a permanent injunction prohibiting Rutter from distributing the photos.
What can we take away from the above?
A) Cameron Diaz condemns sluts who pose in back alleys for gritty topless model shots. But she thinks its OKAY to shoot images in abandoned warehouses where shes half naked and has a male model on a leash.
B) Cameron Diaz thinks her boobs look awesome. No one else does.
C) Cameron Diaz giggles like satan.
D) Cameron Diaz thinks "It was a sexy movie, right?" was a compliment rather than a question.
E) Cameron Diaz probobly likes having sex with photographers and pandas. Probobly.
Diaz had just returned from trying to save the world and garnering publicity from it too
When asked if she was just Zippy from Rainbow; Cameron offered to sue my ass too. I kindly obliged and bent over.
On a more serious note - we do like Cameron Diaz and we [we being me] support her little one man parade to stop deforestation. You go Zippy!
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 11:15 am |
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Algren
now we know
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:31 pm
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Cameron Diaz is repulsive.
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 12:01 pm |
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Eagle
Site Owner
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 1:09 pm
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Location: Pittsburgh
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I have seen the pictures. She aint half bad.
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:42 pm |
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bABA
Commander and Chef
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 12:56 am
Posts: 30505
Location: Tonight ... YOU!
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Eagle wrote: I have seen the pictures. She aint half bad. i think cameron is hot. i've seen the actual video.
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:44 pm |
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Mister Ecks
New Server, Same X
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:07 pm
Posts: 28293
Location: ... siiiigh...
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Does she have hooks forcing a smile on her face in that picture, like that Simpsons halloween episode?
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:50 pm |
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
Posts: 23283
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Eagle is a sadomasochist!!! Michael is a Box!!! Eagle is a sadomasochist!!!
In recent internet activity at website WorldofKY.com, the well known administrator acclaimed a thread designed to abuse and defame celebrities.
Eagle wrote: I like this
This thread is sweet, blablablalblabla. One nearby camel commented "Its clear her takes great pleasure in seeing celebrities put through pain. This one time, when he was riding me, he kept digging his heels into my sides just to hear me groan like a bitch" Another camel quietly took a few steps away from his friend during the interview, and soon galloped off, leaving the camel alone to die with only the memory of being abused by Eagle to take to his deathbed. Stacy Blueberry, writer at myboxisopentohobos.com, commented that "Its clear that this is a sick and unruly man who needs help, he should surrender his website to me straight away, and duly direct any members who have an issue with my administration to this website." Elsewhere. MICHAEL's Fancy Dress Idea UnveiledLast night in a small Scottish town; one of Michaels alleged "Friends" threw what a photographer describes as an "18th shindig" and the stars glittered at the small, shitty and ultimately unsavoury event. HoboJo wrote: At the small event, many unknowns tried to grab attention by turning up dressed like the pope, a devil, a pirate, a fairy, a pixie,a naughty nurse and various other usual suspects. But the star of the event who had the camera[phones] flashing was the glamourous and up and coming starlet Michael. Dressed in a fetching new Polo and extremely cool jeans, the party goer also featured the costume of the evening.
"Man With Box On Head" blew bystanders away for its wonderful innovation and lack of practicality. Incase anyone at the party failed to realise that the large carboard box wasn't something actually inventive or required any effort at all, the words "Man with box on head" were scrawled onto a flap underneath. "He was banging into walls and everything" said one girl who no one knew and stayed in the "randoms room". "Hes so funny, i want to have his babies" said the naughty nurse, who was paricularly hot. The girl who flung the party orgasmed when she realised he had not only come as a box - but rather than he had bought her Donnie Darko amoungst various other presents and is the best friend in history. Ever.
Later that night, Michael was seen leaving the party with two girls and an unknown driver. They proceeded to go to a supermarket at 2am to pick up pepsi and cereal bars.
"I was more surprised that he actually CAME HOME!!" said his mother "The fact he wasnt shitted out of his face was also quite pleasant" she continued. Michael could not comment due to the diarrhea hes been having since he ate an undoubtably undercooked burger at the BBQ last night. But it was a successful party all round the Michael followers agreed"
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:53 pm |
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Eagle
Site Owner
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Location: Pittsburgh
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:00 pm |
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Mister Ecks
New Server, Same X
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:07 pm
Posts: 28293
Location: ... siiiigh...
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Damn you, Eagle.
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:22 pm |
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rusty
rustiphica
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 7:59 pm
Posts: 8687
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what the hell is this thread about?
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:29 pm |
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MikeQ.
The French Dutch Boy
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 8:28 pm
Posts: 10266
Location: Mordor, Middle Earth
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Thanks, I've found myself a new avatar. If you don't mind.
PEACE, Mike 
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:34 pm |
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Chippy
KJ's Leading Pundit
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 4:45 pm
Posts: 63026
Location: Tonight... YOU!
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_________________trixster wrote: shut the fuck up zwackerm, you're out of your fucking element trixster wrote: chippy is correct
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:37 pm |
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rusty
rustiphica
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 7:59 pm
Posts: 8687
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that avatar doesn't scream mikeq. at all.
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:46 pm |
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Eagle
Site Owner
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 1:09 pm
Posts: 14631
Location: Pittsburgh
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It doesn't scream anything except "bend me over a chair Kobe style"
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:54 pm |
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baumer72
Mod Team Leader
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 11:00 pm
Posts: 7087
Location: Crystal Lake
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There are just certain women that just make you wanna....well....just ......oh hell, can't say, don't want to get divorced. 
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| Fri Jul 15, 2005 4:07 pm |
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Michael.
No Wire Tampons!
Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:27 am
Posts: 23283
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rusty wrote: what the hell is this thread about? This thread is about everyone being inferior to me and me hating stupid celebrities who consistently irritate the earth with stupid shit.
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| Sat Jul 16, 2005 7:37 am |
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