This was enjoyable enough, but there is nothing memorable about it and I'm shocked it got the budget it did. I'd much prefer another Riddick movie, as that character and world are far more interesting to me.

B

In this action-fantasy dud, Vin Diesel plays a soldier given the simultaneous gift and curse of immortality after defeating the "Witch Queen" in the 13th century. He has devoted his unending life to hunting other witches who dare use their magic against humanity, receiving his orders from a secret Catholic sect. It is a standard-issue concept in the vein of the Blade franchise, and it could have resulted in a fun film if handled with a just-right blend of ambition, wit, and popcorn-movie muscularity. Alas, this proves a tough sit. The rapidly and poorly cut action sequences tend toward incoherence as closeups of fiery swords and computer-generated, PG-13-friendly witch ooze blur together. The thin plot generates close to zero momentum; the characters always seem to be stating the obvious and explaining the faux-convoluted mythology to one another, and this is one of those films in which the Impending End of the World is downright commonplace and devoid of tension (in part because the city where the action unfolds is only populated by the main players and a few extras). Diesel is capable when called upon to play macho and taciturn, but his big-goofy-smile bids at charismatic levity are cringe-worthy. Michael Caine (sigh) is obviously bored as his retiring mentor, and the film runs a gag in which the 48-year-old Diesel calls the 82-year-old British legend "kid" (BECAUSE DIESEL IS PLAYING AN IMMORTAL! GET IT?!) deeply into the ground.

The most interesting element here may be the few strained, uncomfortable attempts to circumvent charges of romanticizing historical misogyny, with the Diesel character grunting his disapproval when the Salem witch trials are referenced. What a man.

D

lol at Elijah Wood revealing he is evil by screaming, "RELEASE MY QUEEN!" in his adorable Elijah Wood voice.

Sounds dire.

This was a surprise lol

B-

The Last Witch Hunter

Complete trash with witch jargon and subpar visual effects, and starring everyone's favourite lumbering, lethargic, braindead chunk, Mark Sinclair. The guy should fire his agent if he has one (which appears not to be the case because nobody would put their client forward for shit like this). Quality-wise, it is in the same ballpark as other recent witch/fantasy flicks such as Season of the Witch and Seventh Son.

"Try doing that with an iPad" was the only enjoyable part in the movie, delivered by Michael Caine in another Alfred-esque role. Overall, Caine was watchable, but Sinclair and Elijah were terrible.

D

So it is your new shtick to refer to Vin Diesel by his actual name?

It was alright, but like Algren said Diesel needs to seriously consider firing his agent because mediocre shit like this won't do. I guess as long as he has franchises to save him flops like this are insignificant, but he could do so much better. Also, how in the fuck did they spend $70-$90M on this ? Just an unnecessary waste of money IMO.