It's boring, visually hideous and unintentionally hilarious at points. I would definitely pass on this one. C-/D+

Columbiana

I thought it was meh. It felt flat. Like it was lacking action. I did enjoy the action sequences but there could have been more. The whole Vartan relationship was unnecessary and at points the film slowed down. I thought Zoe was fine in it but it was very forgettable overall.

Grade C

If you haven't seen Columbiana yet, here's my advice:

- get to the theatre early
- enjoy the pre-show
- check out the trailers
- watch the first full hour of the feature
- run to the exit and don't look back
- get home
- imagine the ending
- go to sleep

That first 60 minutes is fan-freakin-tastic! The whole back-story and the first mission - - gold!!!

If I had followed my own advice and left before the turgid final 47 minutes, I would be rating Columbiana 135 out of 5. Unfortunately I can't erase the horror of seeing this film lose all momentum and go off the rails. It was if there were two separate screenwriters, one for the cool stuff (Luc!) and one for the schmaltz (Kamen?), though director Megaton should have known how to maintain the pace (as he did with such skill in Transporter 3). If the second half was edited at closer to Crank speed than The American, this whole film could have soared.

No fault goes to star Zoe Saldana - - she's hot precision on a Saturday night, a joy to behold - - and I buy her drama like it's fresh picked fruit at sunrise in the market. (I look forward to a long and illustrious Oscar laden future for her.)

Sadly, I must rate the finished product, not the great film it almost was. Perhaps we'll be blessed with a sequel written well all the way through - - I'll be first in line!


2 out of 5.

I quite enjoyed it. Good action movie. Granted the first half was much better than the second, but I didn't think the end was awful or anything.

B

Haywire and Gina Carano might have ruined all previous and future female revenge movies for me. Zoe Saldana has absolutely nothing on her. Carano seemed assured and in complete control. Saldana is anything but.

** (C)

Colombiana

I've just got back from seeing it. It was an alright action flick, I suppose. None of the action is especially impressive, but I kind of liked the story, and Zoe Saldana is extremely hot for such a thin woman, but she's definitely beautiful. Some of the plot points were shoddily put together and many were overlooked, but for what it was, it was enjoyable enough. The ending was one big let down, though, with the big bad guy being eaten by dogs. Oh come on, that was silly. I wanted to see a big revenge-fuelled ending, but it was really limp. Even the #2 bad guy died in a shit way after a badly edited hand-to-hand fight. I understand that her small frame had to be edited in such a way to make her look strong and able to hurt this guy, but it still didn't look like it, and the viewer was still subjected to the annoyance of a fast-paced edit without any consolation. Another scene that had me rolling my eyes was the "photo" scene. So she is dating this guy that just happens to take a photo of her. Ok, that's fine, but then his mate is connected to the police, and then her photo is magically made into a full photo where they can get her details, and then they storm her address looking for her. It's just too convenient. And why didn't she do background check on her "boyfriend" before dating him to see if he had any sneaky bastard friends that would send her photo to the cops...and WHY did the friend even do that? Just to see if his mates' girl was a felon or something? I mean, WHO DOES THAT??! Just a bit silly that whole section.

The film spent too long on her being a child. It must have been about 25 minutes. But some of the kills and stealthy scenes were cool.

C+