Exclusive Script Review: Clash of the Titans Remake!
Written by Robert Sanchez
Saturday, 04 August 2007

Just days after the IESB broke the news of who may be directing the Clash of the Titans, Mr.E chimes in with a script review for the upcoming remake. So, how do you like them apples?

What, no Bubo? It’s not Clash of the Titans without that golden owl dammit! Ah well…

Mr. E here. I was minding my own business, sitting on Betsy, my near-sighted and overly flatulent Eopie, watching the twin suns come up over the horizon of my little moisture farm, when a GIGANTIC bolt of lightning came out of nowhere.

KKKIIKK-KKKAAAA-KRASSSHHH BOOOOOM!!! and the script for the Clash of the Titans remake fell into my lap with a blinding flash and the acrid smell of ozone.

I brushed out the smoldering corners of the thick script, and the writing on the pages coalesced from hand-written ancient Greek into the far more familiar forms of American Typewriter font 12 point English. "Thanks," I muttered wearily to the heavens, "I thought I'd have to learn Greek in order to read this sucker!" A light wind kicked up to the left of me and said to me, "No problemo mortal," and was gone.

After calming a skittish, smelly Betsy I quickly stabled her and set to work.

Clash of the Titans by John Glenn and Travis Wright with current revisions by Lawrence (The Empire Strikes Back/Return of the Jedi/Raiders of the Lost Ark) Kasdan, is a Hades of a good script. Yes, it's based on the 1981 movie Clash of the Titans, which featured the final work of movie magic god Ray
Harryhausen and the Greek mythology we all waded through at some point in our education, but it's wildly different.

This Titan's Clash is closer to Zach Snyder's 300 than to The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad. It's written with a solid R rating in mind with nudity, sex and lots of gore-rific ugly deaths by really bad ass ugly monsters. It should rock your baklava, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

The characters include a number of familiar names from Greek mythology, and a few that have popped in from other mythological Monster Manuals. The main humans are our hero PERSEUS- son of Big Greek God Daddy ZEUS and quickly forgotten human QUEEN DANAE, and ANDROMEDA, slutty principessa of the kingdom of Joppa, daughter of wise KING KEPHUS and foolishly vain QUEEN CASSIOPEIA. Other deities are TIAMAT-power hungry Sumerian mythology Goddess of the Oceanic and Cosmic depths and her Darth Maul, from Egyptian Mythology: SET THE VOID.

Evil Inhuman characters include not-going-to-win-a-beauty-pageant-anytime-soon MEDUSA, with her hair of snakes and gaze of death and the Bible based LEVIATHAN (no, not the 1989 Peter Weller "Alien Underwater" movie)-the Kraken- the biggest, baddest beastie of the ocean.

Also, PESHET, Andromeda's sfinx [sic] (half human/ half cat) handmaiden and VIDALIA, an earth goddess who assists PERSEUS are two wonderful new characters to this telling of the story and are going to be the subject of urgently written fan-fic for years to come.

CREATURE SPOILERS BEGIN

Clash of the Titans the Remake is grown up, sexy and violent, filled with political intrigue from the tops of Mount Olympus to the Throne Room of Joppa. The quest PERSEUS undergoes is populated with all manners of creatures like Sylphs, Lotophagi, Strix, Minotaurs, Centaurs, Nephilim, Giant Scorpions, Anubite Jackals, Hyena Men, and Pegassi, and never feels like sloppy seconds from a dusty textbook. I'm so pleased to report the well written script sent me scuttling to the dictionary several times with vocabulary-above-a-ninth grade-level, like scutes, limn and (I love saying this word) feculence.

END CREATURE SPOILERS

I don't know who the producers would want for the role of reluctant hero PERSEUS, but if all else fails, I've heard Harry Hamlin, star of the 1981 epic, is available at a reasonable price. If he's too old for the early twenty something adventurer, perhaps they could write him a cameo role as Joppan lawyer Mykkuzakikis.

I'm hoping more than I want to admit that WETA Digital gets the creature design and digital special effects work, having proved their awesomeness with Peter Jackson's epic instant classic Lord of the Rings trilogy and Andrew Adamson's The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I know they could create a Kick-Ass Kraken and a pleasantly purr-fect PESHET, and convincingly populate and decimate this exciting new version of the ancient world.

IMDB.com has no information on this film except a 2010 release date. So when should I get in line?

I give this film a double bill of 300 and Gladiator out of a possible Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King The Extended Edition, or 8.0 stars out of 10.

Mr. E is currently rethinking his views on Athenian Atheism and has inexplicably developed a taste for Ouzo.

Clash of the Titans by John Glenn and Travis Wright Based on the 1981 movie Clash of the Titans Written by Beverly Cross Revisions by Travis Beacham. Current Revisions by Lawrence Kasdan June 29, 2007



This is one movie that deserves a remake. I look forward to the movie. And yes i afree WETA should do the creature effects and R rated is a good thing. I am just hoping they don't spend $150+ million on this movie.
Wait this is WB so they based on their track record they are either going to spend too much or little like 300.

I am glad they are getting rid of the Bubo, he was just a R2D2 clone. He didn't fit in with Greek Mythology. I wonder if they will cast big actors for the Gods. Who is on the level of Laurence Olivia these days though?

Anthony hopkins, Jack nicolson.

I have a feeling Angelina Jolie will be in this movie.

Anthony Hopkins would be a great choice. I couldn't see Nicolson as Zeus. Maybe Robert Deneiro or Al Pacinio heh.