Self-explanatory. Give gifts. To posters on the boards. Hannukah's coming up, as is that holiday known as XMas.

Dear Krem,

This holiday season, I'd like to give you a particular book. This book, written by Dominique Laporte, is called "History of Shit". I don't know what it's about, but it sure as hell has a funny title. If you don't want it, however, I'll pay for a thousandth of nose enlargement surgery (only Jews can crack these jokes!)

Dear Zingaling,

This holiday season, I think it is only just and right to give you your favorite film that's somehow missing from your collection. In the mail, tomorrow, expect an "O' Brother, Where Art Thou?" dvd and an "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" dvd.

Dear makeshift_wings,

This holiday season, I'd like to award you a tube of Vegan Vanillia Hemp Lip Balm. As you know, lips can get pretty nasty as the weather turns towards the lower end. And, as you know, most lip balms use these strange oils that aren't...right for vegans. Plus, what could be better than smelling like plant?

Dear dolcevita,

This holiday season, I think the only thing worth giving is a "Hero" dvd. Sometimes, movies that don't appear to have much depth require more than one viewing. If anything else, it's always pretty to look at!

Dear Mr. X,

This holiday season, I think the only thing worth giving you is a Lost in Translation poster with Mr. Murray on the bed, in his robe.

Dear darth pimp,

As you wake up this holiday season, you will find two bottles. One is filled with America's best drug. The other is filled with America's other best drug. Which one you find better, however, is a matter of your mind. I'm giving you a bottle of Viagra and a bottle of Prozac.

Dear zach,

I'd like to give you a night out with timothy. He'll have to approve, but, then again, it's the thought that counts, and I honestly couldn't think of anything related to gay conservatives.

More to come...in a bit.

hehe
This should be fun

I shall give a gift...

Dear Rusty,

I give you this flag... it has a Maple Leaf on it... and a Sickle and Hammer... I figured you would like it... if not... burn it...

Dear Darth Pimp,

I give you this... nothing... because you are a pimp... and have plenty o' hoes to get you gifts

Dear Tony Montana,

I give you this toy gun... because at your "work" I heard they don't let you play with real guns... so you get to play with this...


More... maybe

I give each of you a week long banning.

I think rusty really wants to give you a week long spanking, though. His urge to give you a spanking happens to be greater than your "banning" idea. Thus, don't even think about it. You'll be in a hospital and rusty will have control over your account.

i give rusty a case of Molson Canadian.

i give terminator a bottle of rye.

i give lovemerox mariah carey's phone number

I give torrino his freedom for one full day.

I take Zingaling's freedom away for an entire lifetime in one nanosecond with the one full day of freedom I was just given.

I give Zingaling a dingaling... I don't know what it is... but it ryhmes so...

Oh, and I take away Torrino's freedom because nobody ever took mine

You sure you took it away? Cuz I can still curse in your face, fuckin' uninformed Republican!

I hire rusty to take away torrino's freedom, and then I take it from rusty.

I give rusty a fruitcake basket.

i give goldie a flaming bag of poo

Okay, let's get serious here. Christmas/Hannukah/etc...It's all about the PRODUCTS! Not the ideas, such as freedom and whatnot!

awwww
thanks!

Uh... you should be thankful to get that freedom I'm offering. It's a one time sale.

Or... This Is Spinal Tap: Deluxe 92-Disc Special Edition

No one owns it but me. It can be yours. Or your freedom. Take your pick.

no problemo

Freedom. And then I'll steal the 92 Disc DVD.

However, who gives you higher authority? I'm not your slave. After all, WHO had the highest scores in the Pairs game this weekend? huh?

I treat my slaves well. We're in the north, not the south! :wink:

*Damn (Shakes) You (Fists at) Torri*



Well, it seems like you are in desperate need of little better joke-making ability, so as my gift to you, along with a little bag of channukah gelt, is this lovely big book right here:


Ah yes. I had to suffer the offense of receiving this book on my Bat Mitzvah from my parents' totally oblivious friends, and am now going to pass the tradition of the *most painful gift ever* down to you my friend. You get a used copy, since for the life of me I haven't even been able to pay people to take it off my hands.

Enjoy

-Dolce

Torrino- This holiday season, I give you something you always wanted...but never admitted to yourself. A Pack of MARLBORO LIGHTS. yes LIGHTS my friend, because only true pimps smoke the lights


Dolce- This holiday season I bestow to you my finest pack of P-Funks(Parliment Lights) as well as a book on Chaucer, and his famous stories so you can be blessed with his work as I have.

Krem- this holiday season I give you a book. A novel. It is called "Coming out of the closet"~ "A guide to accepting the fact your a hidden Democrat"



I will give all 3 of you more presents later, as well as some more posters but i gotta go eat

Be back in a bit :wink:

Dolcevita: Only the most insolent and iconoclastic Jews will open a DVD that they intend to give to someone else. With that said, dolce, you can always return it. I read your review and I know what you thought of the film (or, at least what you expressed).

The gift I was given on my Bar Mitzvah...book-wise, was "The Jewish Book of Why Gift-Set". Jewish Book of Why I, and Jewish Book of Why II. With passages such as...



it almost makes me reconsider my religion. Well, not seriously. But, I realize the book is just analysis of Jewish laws, but the fact that someone would put their name next to such a document advocating this while still maintaining a "neutral" tone bothers me.

Considering the mentions on male contraceptives, abortions, alcohol, tobacco, masturbation, and other issues, this radical yet, "neutral in tone" book is FAR worse than your silly, but perhaps, un-funny Jewish Joke Book.

True pimps don't smoke cigarettes. Real men, if they do smoke (stereotype warning, beware!) smoke unfiltered. And, also, pimps don't fantasize over Mariah Carey. Even she's too ditzy for their superior taste.

Oh Man Torri, you haven't read some of the jokes in this book. They'll render you sterile and contraceptives won't even be an issue. It is that bad. Note the opening credit in red print their says Woddy Allen. Uh-huh.

Ah well, to each bar/bat mitvah a couple really ridiculous traditions must be passed down. Apparently, bad literature and bad Manisevitz are those two traditions.

Okay...I gotta go brainstorm a few more gifts.