Rock of Ages is bad... real bad.

Trite, hollow, and obvious - - in a way the 80's never were.

The heart of a mean spirited satire beats just beneath it's unappealingly sleazy facade.


1 out of 5.

Tom Cruise saved the movie for me. It's sometimes easy to forget why he's a movie star. He makes it look effortless and his performance here seems effortless. He gives the movie energy at exactly the right time and kept me invested with the other characters when I otherwise wouldn't have. The movie is as shallow as it comes, it has way too many songs (there seemed to be one every thirty seconds), but goddamnit, how can you hate a movie in which Tom Cruise sings into Malin Akerman's asshole?

*** (B)

And this is coming from someone who absolutely despises musicals.

Interesting.

...perhaps that's the key to enjoying this movie.

Because I love musicals and I hated Rock of Ages.


Here's some of the "recent" ones (ie: past 25 years) that I gave rave reviews to:

Moulin Rouge!
Hairspray
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Ella Enchanted
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Dreamgirls
High School Musical
Idlewild
Hustle & Flow
Rent
Chicago
Fantasia 2000
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Tarzan
An American Tail
The Land Before Time
Anastasia
James and the Giant Peach
The Lion King
The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Beauty and the Beast
The Little Mermaid
Sister Act
Dirty Dancing


Geez, I even gave the crappy Mamma Mia! a rating of 3 out of 5, and the disappointing Burlesque a 4 out of 5.

Really mediocre, which is a shame given how great Hairspray was. It feels like it goes on forever and both Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta deliver two of the year's worst performances. It is so preoccupied with being this "fun" tribute to the '80s that most of the time it comes off as really artificial. On the plus side, I thought the entire supporting cast was mostly great. Loved Catherine Zeta-Jones here - her big musical number was my favorite part of the movie. Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Malin Akerman and Mary J. Blige were good as well, though the latter two have underwritten roles. C

I watched it this morning and was really expecting to hate it but I was pleasantly surprised. Everyone seems to be having a great time and nobody is terrible. The stand out is definitely Catherine Zeta-Jones though, her big musical number was great and I loved the choreography. The plot is pretty thin but I just had a great time, so I'd definitely recommend it.

7/10

And it goes on, and on, and on, and on... Those lyrics perfectly describe this movie. Granted, I watched the extended version, but I was ready for it to be done after a half hour. It seemed so much longer than it was. I love musicals, but I found this terribly boring. I enjoy the music and the era but the movie just felt so soulless. There are a couple of decent musical numbers, but mostly "Rock of Ages" is a chore to sit through.

C-

WTF did I just watch? This was so not for me. Firstly, I did not know this was a full-blown musical. I thought it was a film about music but not that it would be two-hours-fifteen-minutes of celebrities playing Guitar Heroes. It's song after song, and it's unbearable. Secondly, it is not my taste in music at all. There's rock, then there's this. Not sure how to summarise it, but it's leather-clad, floor-sliding, mosh-jumping, tongue out, rock-on hand gesturing power ballad type rock. The type of music that the characters in Magic Mike and Coyote Ugly might listen to. Not a fan of this type of rock. One or two of the songs are decent, but I don't care to hear others sing them. It immensely cheapens the original song. It's the same reason I'd rather blow my brains out that attend a karaoke night.

Tom Cruise's impersonation of an Axl Rose-type megastar did not impress me at all. And what the fuck is that subplot featuring Bryan Cranston all about? It's just weird and stupid. Typecast British wannabe rock star Russell Brand is embarrassing in his parody of himself. And Alec Baldwin /facepalm. D

I think it's the source material. The play was never that good. And they didn't really change much. There is nothing wrong with the performances or songs. Its always been a play about covering songs and they do a good job, but this does not Rock the Ages of any kind. Its definitely a C+ (They made the best of it)

I saw it a while ago, and don't recall it well enough to grade exactly, but i remember liking it, good performances aside from Hough, and most songs are enjoyable.

Both Hough and Boneta are terrible, but Hough is hot so that gives her a pass (even though the film is edited in such a way that makes it impossible to leer at her. And it's not like this film was expected to feature top-class performances.