I'll see this only if Magnus says it's the greatest movie since The Rock popped out of his mama.

Daddario and Dwayne. Two people that Magnus fantasises about. Of course he's going to say it's the greatest movie ever made, then still give it less than 7.5/10.

You're a jabroni if you didn't find Alexandra Daddario smokin' hot in this movie.
You're a jabroni if you didn't enjoy the Rock in every scene in this movie
You're a jabroni if you did not appreciate Paul Giamatti's usual ridiculousness.
You're a jabroni if you thought Colton Haynes had too much screen time in this film.
You're a jabroni if you did not sit back and just enjoy the hell out of this movie despite all its cliches.

Extra jabroni points if you think someone other than the Rock could have delivered that second base line with such ease and without sounding stupid

It's nothing special, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a good time and it's well worth the matinee price. The characters are likeable enough for the most part especially Daddario, Rock, and Gugino. Daddario is even somewhat of a hero in the movie which was a nice surprise and it doesn't hurt that's she's beautiful to look at. Poor Ioan Gruffudd (AKA Mr. Fantastic) gets the complete moms scumbag, boyfriend treatment, but I loved his demise, because it was so perfectly timed. The only flaws that really stuck out to me was the horrible CGI car going down the mountain in the beginning and the cheesy dialogue mostly delivered by the great Paul Giamatti who has a pretty worthless supporting role.

The Rock steals a helicopter, clothes, a truck, an aeroplane (presumably), a boat, and another man's girlfriend.

I wish this director was in charge of the Transformers series.

B-. It is short and passes time on a sleepy Saturday.

As extreme seismic activity tears California asunder, combat veteran and rescue-helicopter pilot Ray (Dwayne Johnson) tries to save his estranged wife and daughter; his point-A-to-point-B adventure comprises a series of problems to be solved and spectacular expanses of chaos to be navigated. San Andreas is an old-fashioned and well-executed disaster film. Perhaps it simply found me in the right mood, but I enjoyed the ride. Yes, it is harebrained and at times lands with a thud—a climactic shot of an American flag grandly unfurling as the sun sets is groan-inducing—but the set pieces are realized with muscular showmanship and convincing computer-generated imagery, with the mega-budget spectacle (the tsunami!) nicely complemented by moments of ground-level, in-the-moment suspense involving trapped legs and crowds of looters. And the predictable domestic melodrama (the earthquakes, of course, prove a mediating force, elevating the righteous and the stoic among the principal cast while revealing and punishing the amoral and the cowardly) is performed with surprising conviction.

B

This is true. Her character is not just a sexpot-in-distress, but down-to-earth and resourceful. A welcome touch.

But also obviously a sexpot, see her very first scene.

Workmanlike and very predictable but fairly enjoyable on the whole. I liked that the characters came across as more than cardboard cutouts and seemed like resourceful people. Dwayne Johnson is the perfect type of star to lead this. B-

I thought this was an adaptation of a Grand Theft Aito game for the longest time

Those were my first thoughts exactly upon hearing the name. Seeing the first trailer a while back set it straight for me though.

Definitely not a good movie by any means but incredibly entertaining and hysterical.

C+

The movie was a little uneven due to cliches, but because of Daddario's ridiculous hotness (and the fact her character wasn't one dimensional), the solid cast all around, and that the movie entertained me despite it's flaws, I give it a B+.

Liked

The Rock - Come on.

Daddario swimming - The whole movie could've been 90 minutes of this and I would've been happy. It does seem odd though that she can slip right back in to the daughter role after flashing her vagina on True Detective. She's also 29. Did The Rock and Gugino have her when they were 13? She works though, both because of her looks and her character is smart and more than one-dimensional, as others have said. Hooray effort!

Carla Gugino - In another life she would've been a perfect Lois Lane.

Destruction - A throwback to 90s cinema. Mostly a lot of fun.

Ioan Gruffudd - Best death.

Didn't like

Ollie - Little British boy. "Blake isn't going to die, is she Ben?" (something along those lines). He delivered that line like he was straight out of Oliver. Countless people are crushed by...you name it, but not this shit?

CGI - Probably would've looked better in 3D and it got worse as it went along, though that scene on the Hoover Dam was a little shaky (at best). And everything from the speedboat on was just awful, especially when they get near the buildings. It looked like a cartoon at points.

Uneasy with (sorta)

9/11 imagery - I don't know why, but it bugged me a little.

B

Alexandra Daddario A+. San Andreas isn't much different of a movie then 2012 or the Day after Tomorrow unfortunately. It's a movie that's all about big spectacle destruction, the lack of, a sensible story and character development is obvious. Dwayne Johnson does a fabulous job as the lead, he really fits the part, and is a good enough actor to make the drama believable enough. You can see though that, he's actually more comfortable in a role where he can take himself a bit less serious. Carlo Gugino is also good as the lady in distress. The real star is Daddario though, she's smoking as the resourceful daughter and her screen presence elevates this movie out of the average region. She's so gorgeous and enticing, I can not imagine it wouldn't turn gay guys straight, and straight women gay.

The British boys could have been played by anyone, and Giamatti he's just doing his regular schtick, but it works and it's enjoyable. The destruction in the movie is awe inducing, but it isn't anything that we haven't seen a dozen times before. Buildings being torn apart, lands being flooded, it becomes boring through the second part of the movie. The scene with the wave, how they conquered it, and how it obliterated the GG bridge was the highlight I thought.

In the end the movie lacks too much substance, the dialogue is just filler, and it's too cliched. But it's a decent watch overall because of the actors involved, a nice brief appearance of Kylie Minogue as well (oh boy, she aged poorly though).

B-

San Andreas

This is big, dumb, cliché-ridden, Hollywood movie-making, but it can be fun, and it certainly seemed more enjoyable than 2012. Let's cut to the chase; every female in this movie is hot. A conscious casting decision, I am sure, and one that I am very welcome of; Daddario goes without saying (those jugs are just wow, but her face is demonic), Gugino is a MILF, hot waitress, hot cliffhanging girl, hot reporter, and even a hot Kylie Minogue! I appreciated that element of the movie. The destruction of the Hoover Dam and the tsunami section was also pretty riveting (our cinema was so loud and shaking, which was pretty awesome).

I must say I was pretty impressed with the scope of the film, and the CGI attention to detail (especially when they showed how the plates ripple the surface) for a $110m blockbuster. They must have spent it wisely. The script is all over the place and there are eye-roll moments (plus the acting is pretty terrible), but you know what, I enjoyed this more than Avengers: Age of Ultron's destruction porno (or any Transformers movie for that matter). One annoying thing is that nobody dies in the movie. Ok, people do die, but nobody that anyone gives a shit about (some chink, Kylie, and Ioan Gruffudd). I wanted someone of importance to die, and the film is not without opportunity either. But it fails to take any risk whatsoever. Daddario could have easily died at the end, the cliffhanging-car girl at the beginning could and should have died (if not her, then definitely the fireman dangling below her car - or at least got his arm ripped off), as well as countless others. And the one PG-13 "fuck" was used appropriately but it just felt so cheesy (like hearing your mum in a bitch fight with the neighbour or something).

The English are also not very well represented in San Andreas. One is a rich cunt that leaves his daughter-in-law to die, and the other two are pretty helpless morons (one a social idiot, and the other, well, he's just a kid, but his acting stunk). For what seemed like the world's foremost authority on earthquakes, some of Paul Giamatti's lines were quite simple (like, any average intelligent person would know that shit), though I did enjoy his scenes more than The Rock's actually. Ok, so we get to The Rock; nothing much to say really. He's The Rock in every damn film. He never changes. Though I had to laugh how the film attempts to steer us towards feeling sorry for him. Lastly, Daddario; she's just the latest Megan Fox or Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Very sexy, but largely devoid of talent, and only employable because of her assets.

B

That made me laugh.



Yeah, that's just so, so, so wrong. Kylie is 47. If you're expecting her to wow you like 29-year old Daddario, then no wonder you think she has aged poorly. Kylie looks fantastic in San Andreas. It was a strange cameo, though, and she dies almost immediately.

Other than those points, I think we pretty much agree.

(high five)

It was stupid, but entertaining enough. B

It's somewhat entertaining but you never get invested in any character.

Even in 2012 there's more investment and that's saying something. I mean, I know what i'm getting into with Hollywood disaster movies.

There are many more ways to actually make a good one, but that out of the way, if you want to follow formula, you need to hit the beats and San Andreas doesn't really.

The British boys were quite awful side characters without much charisma or distinguishing features, moreso than most disposable side characters, and the Rock, despite his charm just isn't really that great an actor so even this role was a bit too far for him. The awful dialogue didn't help.

jabroni

Understatement of the year.

Pretty watchable, although I almost completely dozed off at the end.

The wave with the ocean liner scene is BA. Overall, this is just okay though. Good SFX though.

C