Metal veteran turned cult director Rob Zombie shifts into an ambitious gear for his fifth feature, The Lords of Salem, which is for the most part an ode to slow-burning supernatural suspense in the tradition of The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby, though the third-act move into the psychedelic and the ultra-violent is more in line with Zombie's established authorial vision. I am not sure each cool element--the autumn atmosphere, the spine-tingling music, the roster of faces recognizable to genre fans, the often downright elegant shot compositions, the acid-trip explosions of perverse religious symbolism--form a complete and sound whole, but the craftsmanship and creative evolution on display is admirable and results in set pieces which will fill fans with an almost ecstatic morbid glee. And Rob's wife and frequent star, Sheri Moon Zombie, surprises, too, delivering a tender performance as the protagonist, a D.J. with a history of drug abuse. She can act!

B+

There are some haunting visuals and the sound design is excellent, but the film is crippled by the fact that it's desperate for us to like Heidi, and yet she has no character. She's one of the most passive horror protagonists I've ever seen, and her one defining characteristic is that she likes her dog.

My first impression is similar to many Zombie films: very well-directed, atmospheric as hell, but with a script that can't pull its weight.

I might just be unusual , but I enjoyed her unusual characterization. And her hesitant flirtation with the other D.J. She is just a flawed, quiet, salt-of-the-earth girl with a few personal demons. I did not mind the absence of typical Final-Girl qualities.

Neither do I, but I prefer some qualities to be there. I know absolutely nothing about her personality other than she likes her dog and used to do drugs (which makes me laugh, seeing as how her previous addictions are introduced in dialogue about three minutes before she starts using again).

The acting's fine, but the character is a complete cypher.

Well at least it's a good one . I hope the dog doesn't die .

The dog survives.

The goats probably aren't as lucky .

I do not remember any animal dying in the film.

This is a very, very aggravating movie. I am a huge fan of Zombie's previous work (I actually think Halloween II is pretty much brilliant in every way) and I have always loved Sheri Moon Zombie (when I was 15, I named my cat Baby after her character in The Devil's Rejects ) but this was a huge step back for him. It really could have been a great movie but the script was so, so, so poorly written. Sheri Moon Zombie was way over her head here, she was terrible but the part was written so horribly (I completely agree with TDS here) that I can't put all of the blame on her. Even after all that awfulness, the biggest WTF??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! moment was Dee Wallace... I have no words. SO BAD. Despite all of this... I did admire the film. Zombie is a visionary and a fantastic director. Technically this movie is amazing (and the score, OMG so good!) but it has so many misfires it is hard to really like it.

I was never bored and Zombie's direction was phenomenal... So I need to give it a lot of credit. Like I said, I admired it a lot. I just wish someone else wrote it.

6/10

THE LORDS OF SALEM

This was a sit through film I must say. I did appreciate some of the visuals that were created and the damn music recording really gets pounded into your head by the end of the film. Um, there was a bit too many old naked lady images as well. The story wasn't that interesting for me. It really just dragged along. It kind of reminded me of Rosemary's Baby just because of the whole birth thing and sickness, but there really wasn't much all that memorable about this film.

One of the good things I did enjoy was the red band to No One Lives. That film looks like Taken vs Rednecks and I LOVE it already! Anyway...

Grade - C

Nobody else has anything else to say about Dee Wallace Really?

THE LORDS OF SALEM (2013)

For a little while I thought this could be one of the more tolerable Rob Zombie films. But as it progressed it just got worse and worse. First of all, there's really no character development. While I did kind of like the main character well enough I didn't ultimately care what would happen to her. We don't get to know enough about her to really care. She's completely one-dimensional. I wouldn't say Sheri Moon Zombie has become a better actress but her character here is less over-the-top than her Baby character from "Corpses" and "Rejects" and unlike that character she's actually likeable, so to me she came off much better here than in any of her other movies. The really awful performance comes from Dee Wallace, who is absolutely Razzie-worthy. What happened to her?

Zombie's writing still hasn't improved much. Some of the dialogue here is pretty bad. One line that stood out as particularly terrible to me was, "Did you come here to stick your nosy cock inside her head and fuck her brain?" WHAT?!?! LOL.

I'd heard how great this was visually but I can't say I was impressed. It all looked really cheap to me and the film's dull look was pretty ugly. I know the budget was only 1.5 Million but I've seen better looking movies for less.

I'm not a Rob Zombie fan but really did try to have an open-mind about this. It just felt so empty. Weird visuals alone do not make a movie. It is a different kind of movie for Rob Zombie, but it still has the same basic DNA.

Anchor Bay really did audiences a favor by not giving this a wide release. They'll likely feel less cheated when they pick it up at Redbox. The majority of audiences would despise it.

While it started out interesting it didn't take long for it to get pretty boring. I also thought it was kind of cheesy. But I do have to give credit where credit is due. Some of the music was actually very good. I didn't expect that. The track that was played on the record by "The Lords" was kind of cool.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I wouldn't mind watching a horror film Rob Zombie directed but didn't write. Writing is not his strong suit. If he directed a good script and didn't alter it I do believe he could make a pretty good film. So far of his movies I've liked H2 the most. I thought it went in an intriguing direction. But even that is bogged down by some weak writing.

4/10 (D+)

The Lords of Salem

Not scary. Not creepy. A waste of my mother-fucking time. Crap.

F