Montana PI is not here to make the decision... these background sheets will be used to help me know what questions to ask in the next round and warn me of the potential problems, as well as the possible benefits of each candidate.

For those keeping score at home, there are 4 background investigations to complete (out of 14 applicants)....

Ripper
Michael
minneapple
insomniacdude

If I forgot anybody, or misunderstood your application, please speak up very soon as we are moving on to phase #3 tomorrow.

You never answered my question regarding benefits. I was going to base my decision off that. I feel marginalized

Just wait until you see my top 10. Then you'll change your mind!

1. Ok, maybe it could be considered a romantic comedy, but not really, plus someone dies in a really fun way in like the first scene
2. Total romance but in such a twisted fashion that it's not at all romantic
3. Boys with guns
4. More boys with guns
5. Even more boys with guns
6. Blood blood and more blood
7. There's blood here, but it's mostly just a whole twisted weird thing
8. Sorta like #7
9. This one is a total romance, but people still get shot a lot, and it's such a classic that if you disapprove of it, I will refuse any sort of partnership with you
10. Boys blowing things up!

You know with our combined gamerscore Tony, we could rule all of KJ and then the world. We would be an unstoppable force.

Dear Tony

I have realised my earlier mistake in not submitting a full request to be your partner and would now like to plead with you on the following grounds.

1. During submittal time I was busy in Africa helping disadvantaged children
2. During the same time period I was in the process of filling every single Wii with 14 grams of anthrax
3. Your dogs constant humping of my leg suggests a deep connection to me.

So Tony I hope you grant my request for late consideration.

Your Friend: Current Poster of the year and man who's influence you could use

Gullimont

Please accept my apologies! However, I must say I thought your post was a joke. Benefits? How about being part of the #1 duo in the world for starters? How about sharing many special moments with me that will run the gamut of emotions - laughing, crying, and the feeling of power when we taunt our opponents until they cry and break up?

It's not only all that, but it's an excellent thing to feature in a resume. It will get you hired.

You want more?

Just tell somebody - anybody - that you're in the duo and it will get you laid. But, be careful who you tell... don't slip up and tell your grandma unless you want that kind of action.... and if you do, you're out of the duo.

Sounds promising, but keep in mind I have not written you off yet or made a decision yet. I will keep my eye on your movie list...

Good news and bad news.

First the bad news... Montana PI is indeed running a little behind on his deadline. An important case came up - something about a tropical island and a naked Kate Beckinsale - which delayed his background profiling. He anticipates having the remaining four done tomorrow.

Now the good news... as a result, for one day only, I will accept more applications, as there were some questions unanswered and some missed the date. This is your last chance to become a part of history. This one day offer expires at 11:59pm EST on Jan 17th, with no further exceptions being made. I will re-calculate a finish time for stage 2 after that.

I will add Demandred and Gullimont to the list. If any others are interested, please drop off your application below.

As of now, Montana PI has these 6 candidates left on his list:
Ripper
Michael
minneapple
insomniacdude
Gullimont
Demandred

Montana PI's report on Ripper:

Name: Ripper

Profile: Ripper is one hell of a sexy lady and she has 2 boobs. I'm not 100% sure if that was the right thing to say during the hiring process, but it's what stuck out the most during my background investigation of her, which mostly involved me hiding in her bedroom closet.

KJ History: She's a classic member, and has even been around longer than Tony (when including BOM). She's intelligent, funny, and she truly cares - even though some mean people tried to break her of that trait during an evil April Fools joke of which Tony had no knowledge of, or participation in.

Compatibility potential: Ripper can kick some ass, and that could come in handy as a member of Tony's team. As a matter of fact, if he doesn't select her, I'm seriously thinking of throwing an offer her way to team up with me, as I could use some extra muscle to intimidate the baddies.

Possible pitfalls - Ripper just isn't as active as she used to be, and has become slightly more removed from KJ for personal reasons. I just don't think she'd be as active a member as Tony would require for this gig.

Bottom line: Tony and Ripper would make one hell of a sexy duo. However, the time needed just isn't there, and her soured attitude toward KJ may effect the duo. Of course, I may just be trying to manipulate Tony into passing her up, so we can form a crime fighting duo.

Montana PI,

I've been reading the profiles that you've compiled (and at such a wonderful speed!). Please allow me to present two pictures to help you create a profile for me that has similar informational merit as the others.

This is me:


My constant companion:

I object to this 'more applications' beeswax. It's devastating to my chances!

PICTURES NOW!!!!!!!

Montana PI's report on Michael:

Name: Michael

Profile: Michael - AKA naturalflux7, Michelangelo - is the human form of the TV show Entertainment Tonight. He's brings to you all the news you need to know about the hottest celebrities. Until he quit paying the bills, he even had his own popular website (the Deli) that kept us all up to date on the latest celebrity gossip. These days he hangs around KJ keeping us up to date on everything we need to know about Britney. He displays a quick wit, but also has a sharp tongue and does like to make comments that stir things up.

KJ History: Michael has crafted over 16,000 posts at KJ. He can often be found in the Water Cooler, or discussing celebs in Cinemania. He also makes the ocassional appearance in the music forum, as well as the gaming forum.

Compatibility potential: Tony and Michael share a deep appreciation for Jennifer Garner. They have worked together in the past and Tony has written award winning articles for his now defunct web site.

Potential pitfalls: His recent KJ power thread shows an appalling lack of knowledge about the KJ user base. There were many baffling picks - including throwing Tony down to #11. This shows his finger is not on the pulse of KJ like you would expect from somebody with 16000+ posts. Michael also can be very moody and you never know exactly which Michael you're going to get... the fun loving, witty Michael, or the sharp tongued, angry Michael. This mental instability could ultimately cause problems within the duo.

Bottom line: As a duo, I think Tony and Michael would be a sexy couple, but I fear it would be the type of relationship that would be hot and heavy for the first few months, but would flame out rather quickly. And, besides trying to combat Snrub's heinous comments against Jennifer Garner, there is not a lot they have in common.

Okay, the hell, why not. : )

See here:



Bad luck, Korrgy. Guess that's just one less person for me to worry about. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to stare longingly at my newly-acquired posters of Kate Beckinsale and Jennifer Garner before sitting down to a marathon of fart-joke-riddled comedies. My favourite!

What madness is this claim that I am bi-polar!?

I am young. This is to be expected.
Mould me, master!

What a load!!

So I want to be in the running. This race needs someone who will know what to do on day one. Specifically, repeal the "no-telling-grandma" rule.

Don't come to me with your fake Jennifer Garner love.
I know good Jennifer Garner.
I see through you, englishman.

Montana PI sent the following corrections:

It's not often that I make mistakes, but I always am quick to correct them and admit them. Like that time I was a little woozy from my distemper shot and bit the arm off of a child. I owned up to it. So, allow me to correct two items:

#1. I mistakenly cited Snrub as being a member of the subversing group "the Community of Squee". It has been noted that he claimed to be a co-founder to annoy Squee, and I feel confident that Tony would approve of this action.

#2. I mistakenly called Wind Walker a "he". After I completed my report, I happened to run across her at a TGIF, and then realized that she isn't a dude after all. I ordered her some ice cream in an attempt to apologize (which she refused). So, it will be updated that he is a she and she does not like ice cream (which I found odd).

A few bonus points have been awarded to Snrub for demonstrating his knowledge of the rules and his ability to go up against a member of the Rainbow Sisterz.

I'm sorry Korrgan... as the rules clearly state, you can not apply. Had you not been a member of the RS, I think you would be a top tier candidate, but since you are, I can not trust that this is not an attempt to infiltrate the duo and take it down from the inside.

@Michael - Good call on Snrub's fake Jennifer Garner love... his bonus points have been stripped.

@Rod - You have been added to the list of applicants.

Next up for background profiling:
minneapple
insomniacdude
Gullimont
Demandred
Rod

I want to sign up.

(just so I can get profiled...)

Montana PI's report on minneapple:

Name: minneapple

Profile: minneapple is a relative newcomer onto the scene. It does appear that she is a girl and knows (or is related to) jujubee. On a side note, it is possible that she is jujubee's sister, which would mean jujubee is pregnant. Let me be the first to congratulate, jujubee! But, back to minneapple... she appears to be easy going and has not been in any fights yet or created any known enemies.

KJ History: minneapple is about as new as they come... a mere 49 posts and a member for just 3.5 months.

Compatibility potential: Upon tracking her recent movements, I found that she has visited Michigan, so Tony and her could share hours of stories about how magnificient that State is - from the 20 feet of snow and single digit temparatures to the putrid smell on the Eastern side of the State (AKA: the Detroit area). She also likes popcorn. Tony likes popcorn too.

Possible pitfalls: She watched the Gilmore girls, doesn't drink beer, used to think Jonathan Taylor Thomas was cute, shows no signs of being a gamer, and has been on record dissing Jennifer Garner. These are all things that frighten Tony.

Bottom line: Despite all of her misguided opinions (see "pitfalls"), minneapple appears to be a fantastic addition to KJ, and I'm certain Tony hopes she stays around and continues to post more. However, being a new member with very few posts, I can't see this duo working. The only possibility would be if Tony wanted a completely new and fresh face. If so, he could do no better than minneapple.