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Anonymous
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 Wow, the Aristocrats is a pretty dirty joke. Some versions of the same joke
ALERT, ADULT CONTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
The mother immediately pulls down her pants and takes a nice, big shit right on the floor. The father and the son then grab the daughter and forcefully put her face down into the shit and hold her there till she passes out. Then they tear off her clothes and rape her in the ass, both at the same time. Meanwhile the mother grabs the dog and fist fucks it till the poor door dies. She then tears his head off and hands it to the father who takes his penis out of the daughter and starts fucking the dog head while he fingers himself in the ass with a fork.
The son, still fucking his sister, starts shitting all the sudden, he stops the fucking and starts fingering himself in the pee hole, the sister wakes up and turns around. She goes over to her mom and starts vomitting all over her, they start making out and vomitting into each others mouth while moaning.
After a while of fingering himself, the boy walks over to the dog corpse and starts fucking it in the throat. With each thrust, blood spits out of the dogs ass, and after a few humps the lungs, heart etc starts to slowly leak out. The dad now shows the dog head into his daughters asshole and starts peeing. After a while they all stop doing what they were doing and the father lies on the floor and the others surround him.
They all start peeing and shitting and vomiting over him until hes completely covered in shit, vomit and pee. The son then sits on his fathers penis which is still hard as a rock from fucking the dog head earlier.
His sister and mother still peeing and vomitting as much as they can over them. The father cums inside his boy which starts jacking off and after a while he ejaculates right into his dads face.
The mother grabs her daughter and breaks her neck, she dies instantly. Then they all proceed to rip her stomach open and eat her intestins. The father grabs her stomach and takes a big bite, acid spills out and burns his face. As the acid deforms his blood, shit and vomit covered face he takes out his dick and sticks it into his daughters corpse as he throws the stomach at his son which also gets burned by the acids. After ejaculating in his daughters corpse, they all stand up, except for the daughter and the dog, and take a nice bow.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
The father lines the rest of his family up in a straight line, facing the agent. The dog obediently runs out and sits in front of the father, in the centre of the line.
"Ready everyone?" says the father.
His family nods. "Ready!"
"Okay, on the count of three. One, two, three!"
The daughter and son quickly duck behind their parents, out of the agent's view. The parents start singing:
"All I want is a room somewhere,
Far away from the cold night air"
The children lean out from behind their parents backs, singing:
"With one enormous chair"
And as the family sing together, the children walk slowly out from behind their parents and kneel in front of them, facing the agent:
"Oh wouldn't it be lovely"
"Lovely," echo the children.
"Lovely," sings the husband, turning to face his wife.
"Lovely," she sings back, facing him.
"Lovely," they all conclude together, smiling beatifically.
The agent waits a second, watching their hands flutter to a stop, then yelling "What the hell was that!?"
"Wait!" says the father. "We're not finished - you'll miss the best bit!"
The family turns expectantly towards the dog. The tension builds. The dog stands slowly, first on all fours, then just on its hind legs.
"Rrroowwwrrreeee", it howls.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
With a smile the family takes their places. First the father pulls off his pants gets down on all fours and reaches for some peanut butter, dips his middle finger in, pulls out a glob and smoothes it into and onto his asshole. Just like Pavlov's experiment the dog smells the PB and runs over and begins to lick away. While this is going on the mother begins to blindfold the 18 month old son. In the background the older brother and his "Tweenage" sister take off their clothes down to their underwear and they squat. As the baby is being blindfolded the father has begun to get an erection. He stands up and asks the mother if the baby is ready. "Ready Hon" replies the mother and the father says the single word "Baba" over and over slowly. The baby toddles over to his daddy's voice and instantly takes the fathers cock into its mouth and begins to nurse. Some loud grunting is heard in the background and some visible strain is on the faces of the brother & sister as a pungent smell fills the air. "Ready mom" calls out the sister as the mother makes her way over to her children. The sister straightens and takes off her purty pink panties to reveal the diarrhea mess within. "Me - UGH- too" exclaims the son. He stands up and removes his tighty whiteys and inside is an impressive log of shit. Both sets of undies are taken by the mother and laid on the coffee table. The mother first picks up the son's deposit of shit and begins to fellate it nice and slow, but with conviction and skill.
The father walks over, holding the suckling toddler in tow and begins to rim his wife's asshole. The brother and sister get into a 69 position and start to mutually feast on each other's gentials. With his tongue dug into his sister's love hole the brother takes his balled up fist and punches it into his little sister's ass, surprisingly it slips in effortlessly. Out of nowhere the dog begins to sniff the 69'ing son's ass and then mounts him. Meanwhile the mother has moved over to the next serving of crap in her daughter's drawers. She runs her finger through the warm mess and puts it into her mouth just like licking the batter from a cake mix. after a second she rams her finger back and gags heavily causing her to vomit which she directs into the panties. Feeling the convulsions the father moves up to the coffee table and buries his face right in the panties lapping up the vomit/shit mixture. having his fill the father kneels up and the mother begins to piss on his face and into his mouth. He takes gulp after gulp as he begins to reach orgasm. Sensing he's close to coming he pulls out of the baby's mouth who's still hungrily sucking and calls the dog over. He puts his cock right in the dog's ass and proceeds to pump.
The brother and sister pretzel action ends and they return to their mother's side. The mother lays down and directs her daughter's cunt over her mouth as he son takes his place between her legs and shoves in his prick. The sister grabs the baby and hands its legs to the brother as she holds its arms. The brother begins to lick the baby's balls and tiny ween while fucking their mother. The father lets out a groan and finishes in the dog's rectum. he immediately withdraws and inserts a straw in his cock's place and starts sucking his jizz out of the dog. Getting a good mouthful he goes over to the pile that is his family and open mouth kisses the baby. The older son grunts and finishes in his mother as his sister shudders and creams on her mother's face. The father lifts up and says "1...2...3" and on "3" the brother and sister yank in opposite directions pulling the baby's arms off at the shoulders.
The family members, minus the baby, all get up and take a bow.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
The entire family immediately gathers around the dog. They begin to circle the dog chanting: "The cock of Spock must knock the sock". You see, the dog's name is Spock and as they are chanting this, the father reaches into his pocket and retrieves a sock. The smell of the sock reaches the agent at about the same time that he sees it. It's covered in what looks like feces and blood and dripping with what seems to be urine. The father then smears the sock all over his face and the faces of his young daughter wife and son. As each of them is covered in the vile fluids, they smear it into their faces further with their bare hands and then reach into their pants and begin masturbating. All this while still chanting and circling the dog, who is apparently none to happy with the proceedings as he's howling like the dickens and bitting at the feet of the family members. The father then drops the sock under the dog and proclaims: "Mary, begin the games!"
Mary, the man's wife, then tears off every stick of clothes and begins fingering the dogs asshole while licking its balls. Meanwhile the father is starting a countdown from 30. The mother is working ferociously and now has the dogs balls completely in her mouth and the better half of her forearm is in the dog, who has stopped barking and actually seems to be enjoying himself. But as soon as the father's count reaches zero, she unhinges herself from the dog and gets back into the circle. The dog seems disappointed, but the father quickly shouts: "Jack, begin the games!" Jack, the man's son 8 year old son, kneels before the dog and starts in with a deep kiss while reaching around rubbing the dog's balls. Again, the father is counting down from 30. As the countdown progresses, the boy seems agitated. He drops his pants and pulls out his cock, hard as a rock and still covered in the contents of the filthy sock. He rubs his dick all over the dogs face, along it's back and then into the dogs asshole. He fucks hard for a few seconds as the dog begins panting. He pulls out, runs around to the dogs face and blows a giant chunky load all over the dogs mouth and face. Just then the father's count reaches zero and the boy jumps back in line, disappointed. "Jill, begin the games!", yells the father. Jill, the man's 6 year old daughter, begin's slowly walking in front of the dog as she performs an extremely erotic strip tease. As soon as her panties are off, she drops down spread eagle and begins fingering herself as the dog licks her pussy. As she reaches orgasm, she begins spraying piss all over the dog and the other family members who are still circling. The dog is obviously enjoying himself, but the girl seems desperate as the father's countdown is reaching it's end. She then jumps up, straddles the dogs head, and begins shoving it into her pussy. First the nose, then the ears and finally the dog is in all the way up to it's neck.
Just as the father is about to count off zero, the dog pops a giagantic boner, which actually reaches the floor, hitting the sock and then going into it, so that the dog is now wearing the sock. "We have a winner," announces the father. And the the remaining family members now begin beating the dog and the girl unmercifully while performing unspeakable sex acts. The mother is chewing on the dogs dick through the sock. The father has dislodged his young daughters left eye and begun fucking her so that blood and brain are oozing down her face. The son has somehow managed to penatrate his sisters navel and is fucking it violently while shitting on the girls vagina and the dogs head. This goes on until all family members have orgasmed, leaving blood, semen, urine and shit all over the floor. The dog and girl are now dead and the family, spent from the activity, uses the little energy they have left to tear the flesh and muscle of the dog and girl and feast apon it. After consuming every last bit of meat and licking the the remenants of their violent orgy off the floor all that remains are the father, mother, son and the clean bones of the dog and daughter. The three bow deeply and respectfully and the father yells, "Scene!"
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
So,the dad opens up a large briefcase and takes out an ancient and dusty Emerson record player and an equally dusty album. He cranks up the record player, sets the album on the turntable and drops the needle. The crackling sound of the Notre Dame Victory March fills the room. "Cheer, cheer for old Notre Dame!" sings the chorus of collegians.
"Notre Dame is French for Our Mother," says the father into a megaphone. He then takes a shovel out of his briefcase, and smashes it over his wife’s head. Her unconscious body drops to the floor.
"Son, you may begin," the dad says.
The son drops his pants to reveal a massive, throbbing hard on. With glee, he falls to the floor, removes his mother’s pants from her lifeless, unconscious body, and starts fucking her in the ass.
“Wake up the echoes cheering her name!†sings the Notre Dame Men’s Choir from the old victrola.
“Missy, hit it!†says the dad.
“Yes, sir,†says Missy, the buxom, fifteen year old daughter. And with that, she disrobes, drops to the floor, and starts eating her brother’s ass.
“Fido, eat, boy!†the dad shouts. The family dog obediently sits behind the daughter and starts licking her young pussy like a peanut butter sandwich.
As the sounds of the Notre Dame philharmonic begin to reach a crescendo, the dad steps into the action, letting his son suck his cock until he spews all over the young boy’s face, climaxing with such force that he shits all over his knocked out wife’s head. The dog stops licking the daughter’s pussy and runs to the front to eat the dad’s shit off the mom’s head. Seeing an opening, the dad runs to the back, and begins fisting his daughter like he was fixing a clogged drain.
Just then, the son pulls out of his mom’s ass and blows his load all over his dad’s shit on his mom’s head. The dog keeps chomping away on the steaming pile. The dad then stops fisting his daughter and runs to the front join the dog in eating the pile of shit and cum while he jerks off. Beaming with joy, the daughter runs to the front and starts sucking the dog’s dick, while the son runs to the suitcase and grabs a piece of fabric. He then jumps on a chair, and starts pissing all over the rest of the family.
The warm joly of the son’s piss causes the mom to recover from her concussion. Just as the dad blows his load on her face, the dog cums in the daughter’s mouth, and the Notre Dame Men’s Choir sings, “Onward to Victory!†Finally, the son wipes his dad's cum from his face and unfurls a banner that says 'Notre Dame', and vomits on his mom’s head.
The mom looks up, covered in shit, piss, cum and vomit and smiles at the talent agent, and the whole family says in unison with a smile, “Our Mother!â€Â
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
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