Aaaah the sweet affliction of complete overload. Its something a film should always strive for if they wish to leave the viewer highly satisfied before you find out you must digest more and your stomach screams it has no more room.

Revenge of the Fallen is akin to eating the words best sandwich that has the occasional drip of dried spunk coated on the lettuce (which you artfully convince yourself is an exotic Brazilian Mayonaise) and then after you finish this conversation occurs.

You: Hmmmm I am full and happy that was tasty and nutritious!
Film: I'm glad but the film is only halfway
You: Are you fucking serious? Halfway and already we have had twice the action and usage of slo-mo from the first film
Film: Prepare for even more!!
You: No I'm good I need to lay down
Film: Do so and I'll shoot your bollocks off with this gun I acquired
You: Hmmmm more kentic action viewing or messy castration. I 'll take the film thanks!

However by the end you have consumed to much and are vomiting out globs of lens flare and slo-mo gun battles. I really cannot stress how much action this film has, the last 40 minutes in the desert is one massive extended action sequence its just a criminal amount of metallic carnage, you have given us to much Michael Bay!!

Bay does however commit his criminal sin of trying to direct emotional scenes in between all the explosions and you will be reaching for the nearest rusty tin to make the pain stop, yes Michael we know you love mushy music and camera panning during these scenes STOP IT I WANT TO LIVE!!! However he does keep most of this to the first 40 minutes so the taste is diluted.

Less of a sin, actually a blessing is they remembered to keep the first's humour, in fact its been ramped up to almost slapstick levels in parts. I counted at least 3 nutsack jokes which my juvenile mind highly enjoyed, and they have a cute tonka toy Decepticon becomes like a pet to Megan Fox to the point it dry humps her leg. Oh and Jetfire is hilarious if sobering, I have a robot reminded me I'll grow old and probably develop dementia damn you Robot!!

As for the new Robots its a mixed bag, the Fallen is quite enjoyable mainly because he sounds like he was voiced by Tony Todd and they restricted Arcee to 3 lines thank Jesus for that. They replaced Jazz however with two little gits that talk even more Urban hip hop then him, highly irritating and they don't even die which is just cruel to the viewer.

As for plot.......................well its a Transformers movie its a reason to blow shit up, though they seem to have turned Sam into Chuck Bartowski with his odd flashes of symbols malarky and the explination given for the Matrix suddenly reforming and becoming usable is so stupid by brain almost ran screaming from the theatre.

Oh quick points.
New character Sam's roomie is so annoying I would eat corn flakes laced with razors if it stopped him being in the film.
Sector 7 Guy gets to show us his sector 7 thong complete with bare arse shot.................sexy? You decide.
They had the Terminatrix from T3 in this, well her in all but name.
Optimus is no softy in this film, the final showdown is insanely one sided he kicks the living crap out of Megatron and The Fallen. Although he is steriod infused, you'll get what I mean when you see it.

Overall I quite enjoyed it, the film could have done with a pruning shears in editing and the level of action is to much at points but hey thats what you expect from a Bay film......................no not a study of 1930s malaise wrong answer!

TRANSFORMERS 2

monday night 1930

Screening that I went to and it was ultra full of course. I got there at 1630 and got in line at 1700. Time flew by pretty quick since I was standing next to a talker. They chose to show a preview before the film, GIJOE. Ugh, I'm not looking forward to watching that at all. As far as I could tell the screening had lots of families and kids and the age capped out around 50 it seemed.

The film starts off with decepticons popping up all over the globe and autobots and us military working in concert to thwart their movements. We get an introduction to Nest which is some elite military unit that works with the bots. We're shown that Sam is off to college and there was what seemed like alot more family and relationship moments in this film. There are alot more action scenes in this one and an overdose of US military weaponry. We meet alot more bots but few of them were interesting to me.

The stars of the film imo were Bumblebee, Optimus, Firebird?, and La Beouf & family. I enjoyed seeing most of the new bots in action but some of the bots weren't that exciting. I don't know how they could have messed up Soundwave's voice but they did. There was a cool looking bot later in the film called Rattlecage? but screentime wasn't long as Bumblebee kicked his butt. The devastator coming together was a cool scene but it was defeated so easily. Another thing that was slightly annoying was the voices and dialogue of the bots. I wasn't a fan of the ghetto sound that was used by three of the bots. There was a lot of comedy built around those three as well. This sequel seemed like it was made to pack more jokes/"funny" dialogue in the film.

Overall, I was a bit underwhelmed with transformers. I was hyped to see it and was amazed to see all the new bots and I laughed alot during the film, but there is missing about this film that makes it memorable or completely fun start to finish. Something was missing for me. Heh, no spark. Plus, it felt extremely long. It seemed like I was there for 2.30 hrs or even longer than that. Last thing is I don't understand why they had to flood this film with the s word, bots using the b word and I thought I heard a very faint f word or what seemed like it. There's just No Need for that in a film that is catering to family audiences.

This movie season I found Star Trek and Hangover much much better than this and I was really hoping for the best.

Grade - B

So, I can't tell: did Ebert like this, or not?

To the best of my knowledge, he's never actually gone and quoted other critics before.

Hard to tell sounds like Ebert is fencing.

He has done so before, actually.


E.g.,


http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbc ... 40301/1023

I can't be arsed writing out a full review, so here's what I told someone on Facebook who was thinking of seeing it:

Transformers 2 isn't that bad - it's just really long and boring at times. And it feels like a giant advert for the American Army. Also, a bit more disturbingly, the camera doesn't just love Megan Fox - it practically rapes her. There's a bit near the beginning where she starts to strip out of her biker gear and I swear to God it's like a 12-year-old boy grabbed the camera and really hurriedly zoomed in to catch every detail before she covered back up.

The whole ending's very entertaining though. And it's surprisingly funnier than you'd expect on the whole. Just long and boring.

Don't forget the Nickleback sounding music and fact she looked like he was shagging the bike.

For the life of me..

C-

Every review I've read has led me to believe it's exactly like the first.

Not for me.

I certainly enjoyed the first one much more. This time around, lots of actions but where is the excitement. Loads of jokes, but almost all of them fell flat. I think I only laughed at 'You're hot but not so bright'.

It's completely noisy and intrusive and boring and terrible. Maybe the longest seven hours of my life (wait....how long was it?).

This also contains the single most offensive bit of sustained minstrelsy I've seen since, like, Stepin Fetchit died. Fucking stunning.

Its nothing like the 1st, imo.

The 1st had the perfect amount of effortless comedy; this one felt way too overdone espec. at the beginning with the mom (eating weed brownies; talking about her hearing sam pop her cherry? seriously?), ect; and the action felt flat at first.

It does pick up as it goes on however, and ends well. Id give it a B though say its a step down from the A+ 1st film.

It's big, noisy, kind of funny, deserves an award for SFX, drags on for too long, and has a strange ending where apparently the Primes are in Heaven? Same thing as the last movie it has one part (in this one from the Museum to before the final battles begins in Egypt) that brings the film down a lot.

- B

hated the twin ghetto robots.
hated Sam's college roomate.

luved everything else

A-

i want another film, MBay.

I liked it. It's overdone. It's like the first film x3, when you only wanted x2.
It's quite funny, and intense in parts. But it's too long, and there are too
many lulls, and it's quite predictable. It's definitely a movie to see on the big
screen with a crowd though.

Solid B.

B-

Too overdone, but a lot of fun. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Seeing it in a couple of hours, but is there anything in it that drags on as long as the "Autobots hiding from Shia's parents" scene from the first film?

the entire fucking movie

so yoush (or now it seems: douche), Bay comes before Lubitsch?

I own every Lubitsch TCM was showing last night on DVD so it wasn't as though I was choosing one over the other.

I at least hope you watched, snack.

The college scenes. Honestly its just the first film injected with steroids with all the plus's and minuses that brings.

Yeah, that was a good negative review. I like this one, too.

http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie-crit ... he-fallen/

I'm not going to linger here and post negative reviews endlessly, FYI, I just like that one.

only Ninotchka because I was busy being spat on by *Ashanti* last night.