Art imitating Life indeed

I love your mother's cookies.

With this single line of dialogue, a nation was gripped. Her cookies, the people wondered? What type of cookies? There are so many different varieties...which one was he referring to? Good ol' chocolate chip, hot from the oven? That kooky macadamia nut? How about crumbly, buttery sugar cookies? The Boy Next Door does not answer this question head on. Instead, it implies that the cookies are actually referring to Jennifer Lopez's lady parts. A nation gasped at the audacious plot twist. Nothing would ever be the same...

The Boy Next Door is the best trashy thriller since Obsessed. It doesn't quite reach the operatic heights of that one, but there is some seriously good stuff here. J. Lo as the world's most glamorous high school English teacher. 82-year old Ryan Guzman as the world's oldest looking, extremely sexy 19 year old. A blonde disaster on top of Kristen Chenoweth's head as the world's most devastating haircut. John Corbett as the world's most sadsack serial cheater. J. Lo's son is tormented by skater bullies, who call him "The Wiz" cuz of that one time he pissed his pants on the playground. There are cut brakes. Scandalous sexytime photos that just leave you wondering...where the hell was the camera? There's an epi-pen going into an orifice you really don't want one to go. There's an artfully choreographed sex scene in which J. Lo manages to show absolutely nothing. There's Ryan Guzman's ass a bunch of times because...obviously.

The film also contains what might be the funniest jump scene in cinematic history.

As a movie itself, the film is competently made, I guess. I've certainly seen worse. But as an entertainment piece? Oh, it's good, baby.

And those cookies.

C

Yeah, so clearly you loved it. I mean, just look at the length of the review! But just a C because it's not "respected". But American Sniper and its through-gritted-teeth praise gets an A- because it's an Oscar film.

Not heard "Stacy's Mom" in years. Awesome stuff. Great video. Hunter was a total babe. Even Stacy was pretty hot. I imagine she's great nowadays.

To borrow your often used phrase, "you don't get it."

Also, I love your cookies. So shut the fuck up.

Hell, if this is as fun as I think it will be it will get a B or B+ from me .

It's horrible. Like, really, really bad. But yet it's also amazing. The script is one of the worst I've ever seen, the acting ranges from passable (Lopez does try her best) to atrocious (the kid and John Corbett's line deliveries were like something out of The Room). There are so many plot holes and ridiculous sequences. Ryan Guzman also becomes crazy in this like out of nowhere. But it's truly such a good time if you're in the mood for this kind of trashy thriller. The dialogue is hilarious as are all of the attempts at scares, and the climax is actually batshit insane. It's hard to give it a bad grade because it's honestly a great time at the movies B-

The epi-pen scene at the end and the subsequent death that happens shortly after were HILARIOUS. I was dying laughing. Also anything involving Kristin Chenoweth's useless character was golden

Libs has seen Algren's cookies?

I'm not gonna pay for this, but it sounds hilarious.

I went to see this Thursday night and literally had the worst experience I've ever had in a movie theater. I saw the first half hour before I walked out and got people kicked out, but what I saw was fun. Hoping to see it sometime during the week in the next few days.

Cool story.

This movie was kind of a blast. The ridiculousness of the last half hour or so, wow.

The epi-pen scene is honestly glorious.

The Boy Next Door

This features some really bad performances. Ian Nelson in particular is just awful. Every scene with that guy is just cringe worthy, especially the hardware store scenes. Jennifer Lopez is also pretty bad, which is a shame because she can turn in decent performances if she wants to. Anyway, everything about this film is bad, but I still enjoyed it. Jennifer Lopez is just so, so, so hot. I am 100% jealous of Ryan Guzman. He's the lucky "fucking cunt". I actually really liked him in this. He was seriously enjoying the role of a psychopath.

The film is incredibly clichéd and totally obvious what will happen, and nothing that happens is earned at all (especially early on, like how the son turns against his mum and dad within, like, a day or so). It all happens too quickly. The beginning is as if Rob Cohen couldn't wait to get to the juicy bits. He should have built things up more. The car scene is hilariously bad. They didn't think to just take their foot of the gas? or use the handbrake? Instead just keep driving to supposedly build tension. Really bad scene. And the kitchen scene where they basically explain what happens in Troy is rather difficult to sit through, and how Kevin (her son) is about 18 years old but acts like a 10 year old pussy (goes on a weekend break with his father and calls "goodbye mom, I love you" from the car as they speed away - who the fuck does that?!!). The barn fire ending is actually where it gets into "crap mode", before that it was still "entertaining".

I could watch Jennifer Lopez do anything and it would be worth it. She must be the world's sexiest MILF Latino. "Those kind of shoes are for women trying to be sexy ... you don't need to try" is an awesome line. And "it got pretty wet here" with "I love your mother's cookies" were funny too. But the best part was when they were both in the kitchen just out of sight from her son and husband. Awesome stuff.

C+