Producers of the film "Lets make Sports movie, sci-fi movie and comic book movie"
Henchman #1" Err we already spoofed X-men in Epic movie and we dont have enough comic book movie material"
Producer "It doesnt matter, we will redo the X-men spoof and we can add any cult following films to comic book movie"

The difference between Date Movie and Epic Movie is that the first was an unwatchable piece of shit while the latter is just a piece of shit.

I have to admit that some of the scenes in the film made me chuckle. Before they're taken too far, I kind of liked Glover's Wonka and whoever did the impersonation of Jack Sparrow. I also didn't mind the scene with Kal Penn and Jennifer Coolidge and the self-referential stuff (Stifler's Mom? - White Castle/Kumar). Not exactly the most inspired stuff, but it made me chuckle. Even the Superman bit was kind of funny. It's just that the rest of the film is lame.

For instance, Cribs are Punk'd are parodied. Why? Are both shows even on anymore? And the thing is they work ever so briefly. It's just when they're extended out two to three minutes longer than they should've lasted, they become intolerable. The same can be said for other parts of the movie, like the parody of Lazy Sunday. First of all, does the target audience (10-18) really know what they're parodying here? How many people watch SNL anymore, let alone a sketch from last year? I do, but I know some people have given up. And then there are screen pop-ups of Captain Stubing and other characters from The Love Boat? Hell I shouldn't even have recognized them, so how are younger kids going to? I mean I don't think a lot of people over the age of 25 are going to see this. And just like the other two bits I mentioned, the scene goes on for about two minutes longer than it should've.

Another thing I did enjoy about the movie was not what was going on on-screen, but what was happening with the crowd. As this 69 minute opus continued on, the audience bought into the film less and less. Towards the beginning of the film, a good chunk of the jokes worked. From about the half point on, the chuckles were scattered at best. There was never one big laugh. Not even the standard go-to shots of a fat man running topless, and projectile vomiting had the crowd in tears. I hope most audiences were like this because that means despite a good opening weekend, this thing is going to sink like a rock and fast.

Did I mention the film was 69 minutes long? Why even bother making a theatrical film that short if it's not animated? Did they really need to worry about the quality bringing the film down? Pad it up a little. Who knows, a couple of more jokes could've worked though I highly doubt it with this bunch.

The good news is that it's not Date Movie. The bad news is it's still just not funny.

D+

One of Date Movie's biggest faults was how much of a missed opportunity it was, when capable filmmaking they could've really made a funny spoof on all the cliches romantic comedies seem to bring. But of course, they opted for directly aping the specific movies themselves and nothing else, and it ended up being a giant piece of crap. Why I posted that in the Epic Movie thread, I don't know, but honestly I think this lazy spoofing is the worst trend in film at this moment, it's awful. The reason the first two SM films worked IMO, was that they actually made their own jokes and storyline, they made fun of horror cliches, but in their own film. Zucker's take on the SM franchise and now these 2 pieces of crap, just take the movies themselves directly and twist them a bit on screen, an endless supply of random gags, never straying from the source material. A commercial for this film showed a guy who looks like Samuel Jackson yelling about snakes on the plane, and a girl in fear because one is on her. End of commercial. It's like they expect that if we take the films and make the characters look funny, it's good spoofing... when it's not. It sucks.

The problem with Epic Movie is that it is not funny, at all. OK, wait, the Stiffler's mom and the White Catle part was funny, and Borat doing his "not" was also funny. That's it. The rest wasn't even chuckle or smirk funny. It was actually kind of embarassing. Although Crispin Glover as Willy Wonka was at least a good impersonation and so is the guy who played Jacvk Swallows.

Still, it was an F...maybe F+

Yeah, this movie pretty much sucked. Most of it was not only not funny, but also dated (Cribs and Punk'd?! Come on!) The Cribs spoof went on for so damn long as well, making it even worse. I didn't notice though that this was only 69 minutes. It says 86 everywhere I look.

Grade: D-

Yea, I was thinking about that as well. It was abyssmally short, although that was a good thing. The 86 minutes includes credits.

Wait. they included cribs and punk'd in a movie about epics?

My guess it's more like 75-78 minutes. I know there was some stuff during and after the credits, but I highly doubt it's 17 minutes worth.

Also, I just realized it now, but I fogort to take into account that many of the gags are already padded. Like I said in my "review" (Although I wish the film was a little longer - 10 minutes) the Cribs and Punk'd bits go on about two minutes longer than they should've. So if they were to cut out those four minutes, that leaves the film with a hefty 65 minute running. And also the Wonka part goes on a little too long by maybe a minute. So that leaves a film that's just scrapes past the hour mark.

Hell, there are some rides in Disney World that are longer than this movie.

So true.

Firstly. Yoshue you glorius bastard, forgive me for calling you a conceited snob, may you be a glib pervour of cinema for years to come.

And now on to the longest post i had ever written

Sweet mother of Jesus, Allah, Budda and the Pan Dimensional Liquid beast from Mogadon 9........................I need to sit down............................................oh its you lot brilliant...................................well I saw Epic Movie, actually I lie slightly I saw parts of Epic Movie but for the purpose of my meandering mind we shall ignore that fact. Anyways the faithful day was last Monday and here is how it went. You don't want to hear it? Well piss off I don't care much I need the cathardic pleasure of flushing this from my system.

I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, my left calf was killing me after an ill advised late tackle in a football match the day previous so when my alarm went off like a city jackhammer at 7.30am I wasn't the least bit pleased to put it mildly. I somehow managed to drag my protesting body from the bed before deciding to forgo the morning shave, interesting fact that being a ginger bastard means one has to shave less althou that is scant compensation for being ginger................I really must go to japan they find that hair colour fasinating for some reason, but anyways on with the story. After a quick bit of breakfast I jumped into the car to begin my morning trek to college a 50 mile journey on one of the shittiest roads this side of Iraq, seriously this road is awful, its more bendy then a rally stage and about as comfortable as sitting on a hedgehog. I fucking hate this road but hey its the only one to Castlebar from home so im stuck with it..................isn't it fucking brilliant I live in a country with a standard of living higher then both the UK and the USA and yet they can't build proper fucking roads..................jesus im voting FG at the next election

Anyway after this spinebreaking hour long drive I arrived at my destination the Galway-Mayo Institute of Technology a decrepid shithole of a college thats attached to an actual pyschiatric facility (well one of the courses is pyschiatric nursing so its understanble in a small way). I trudged into the lobby suddenly remembering what class I had first and I died a little inside. Mark Frain for Networks, sweet jesus no. I mean Mark is a nice enough guy but unfortunately he was struck down in childhood by a mysterious illness that produced the following effects

1. A very boring voice
2. A complete inability to wind-up or end a conversational topic

Yes its true, this man could make a porno sound boring and still be talking about it hours after it had finished. Needless to say the class went par for the course with me sorely tempted to stab myself with a RJ-45 cable connector and idly wondering why the fuck did i leave going to college until i was 22...........................I could be working by now.
It was during this working group to advance suicide and brain hemmorage that i noted the absence of Sean and Tomas two classmates of mine. I thought this curious, Sean rarely missed a class...............Thomas................if he missed a class it was for sex, ( sidenote: about a month ago he indulged in a 24 hour lovemaking session with a dentistry nurse that had me and Sean believing he was dead until he showed up with a big grin on his face complaining of the fact that they did it so many times he had trouble getting it up due to over exertion).

So it was after Mark's snooze inducing class i ventured to the lads flat in an attempt to get there lazy asses out of bed. The hallways of the apartment block was strune with broken glass and other crap when i got there leading me to deduce that there had been much merriment the night before..................fucking Outdoor Ed's, so I wasn't surprised when my first rap on the door met with no answer, my second knock (i say knock perhaps kicking the door would be more accurate) managed to attract some attention and with a resounding creek the door opened and I was met with a face that definetly didn't look in the best of shape

Sean: (haggard voice) Hey P we miss much this morning.
Me: No..................I'll assume you were out last night.
Sean: Ya went to Mantra, it wasn't bad all the Cox's bouncers were there looking like morons.
Me: No doubt
I step inside the apartement the distinctive smell of cheap vodka colouring the air and venture into the lads room (its a double room)
Thomas rolls over in the bed and looks at me with a twinkle in his eye that isn't natural for a man who has consumed large quantities of alcohol the night before.

Thomas: Hey P good to see ya
Me: Hey thomas, good night?
Thomas: Ya decent enough, had a great time with Melissa as well
Me: Who
Thomas that girl i introduced you to in Cox's 2 weeks ago.
Me: Oh her, cool. you back at her place?
Thomas: Ya, fine place to and she has a fucking beautiful TV, working in the Garda Pulse system must pay well.

I nodded in agreement at this while once again marvelling at the mans excellent cocksmith skills, something like 15-20 women since September, how his Knob doesn't fall off i'll never know while cursing my current dry run of 3 months on the subject. Thankfully I'm not a raving sexhound like him or i'd go crazy.

It was at this point that Sean injected with the faithful sentence

Sean: Oh I downloaded Epic Movie
My vision narrowed at this news. bad ankle, shit road, sleep inducing lecture, friend getting sex while i don't. this could have been breaking point those kids at Columbine went the same way you know.
Instead I took a deep breath and relaxed the muscles
Me: Why, I told you it would probably be shit.
Thomas (interjecting): But your not very releible you made us watch that awful Thai movie with the italian dubbing.
Me: Shutter is brilliant man
Thomas: Its Shite
Me (to sean): Well did you watch it?
Sean: Ya...................its shit.

This I was thankful for, my friend still had a shread of cinematic pride still i felt i had to press.

Me: How's it shit?
Sean: Its just really really unfunny, its a load of movies and thats it.

It was at this point I made a terribly stupid move.

Me: throw it on there i want to see how bad it is.

Cue Laptop firing up and file being loaded to screen.

Me: pretty shit quality
Sean: Ya I think its from a video camera

We watch the first 10 minutes which contain incredibly unfunny takes on Nacho Libre, Snakes on a Plane and several other movies that serve no purpose to the story.

Me: Fuck this is awful
Sean: I know
Me: skip forward

Sean moves the seek bar forward randomly to a point where we see Kal Penn standing in a Narnia setting. A migit flys by in a slied and pulls a handbrake.....................and a big ID plate zooms into the screen saying GNARNIA DRIFT

Me: You've got to be fucking kidding me
Sean: I know bad isn't it
Me: What the fuck was the point of that?
Sean: Beats me, its not even funny
Me: Jesus change it to another scene

Another random bar seek, we get to see that Cribs bit from the trailer. This bit goes on for 5 fucking minutes, about 4 minutes 59 seconds longer then was needed.

Me: A TV under the couch!!!! Oh Christ save me.
Sean: Who thought this was funny
Me: 2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie
Thomas: And even that wasn't very good.
Sean: Skip to the end?
Me: God Yes

On we go thru a Narnia battle re-inactment with barely any people in the damn thing and the dumbest Click parody us could possible imagine on to some crowning ceremony with completely pointless insertions of Casino Royale and Talladega Nights until the whole thing came to a merciful halt.

Me: I never want to watch that ever again
Sean: me neither, (he then proceeds to delete from hard drive)
Sean: what class is next
Thomas: Support with Norreen
Me: Shit

So there it is boys and girls, the longest post im ever likely to write, needless to say nobody will read the whole bloody thing and i question why the fuck i wrote it, to avoid project work possible. Either way the lesson is clear

Avoid Epic Movie............................and learn Thomas's skills of attraction.

Oh a Grade Ummmm F

Does this go down on this forum as the least liked movie since the boards started or something?

Epic Movie quite literally seems like what would be showing in hell 24/7. And I'm not even a particularly picky filmgoer, either.

Oh geez, Libs! Don't make me go back to the archives to quote from your litany of low-comedy film disdain...

(Not to mention, that I'm pretty sure you didn't even see this one.)

Bradley, becase I found Freddy Got Fingered and Tomcats reprehensible doesn't make me picky. It makes me sane.

And no, I didn't see Epic Movie, and I never will, after the atrocity of Date Movie.

Therefore, according to Libs-Logic®, A.O. Scott of the New York Times who gave Freddy Got Fingered a rave review, is insane...

It's not exactly a rave review bradley. It's more of a "I can't believe I'm sticking up for this movie even though I shouldn't be," review.

That is a very skewed reading of A.O. Scott's review. Here are some quotes from the actual New York Times review by Scott.

Judge for yourself:

Why don't we just give them a link to the review:

http://www.nytimes.com/2001/04/20/arts/ ... e6&ei=5070

And funny how your first quote leaves out the part:

The NY Times website usually requires registration. Reread my selected quotes above and tell me they don't constitute a rave review.




From past experience, I know that you have one of the narrowest minds on WOKJ. I didn't think you needed any help narrowing it further by repeating what you'd already paraphrased...

It's bad. Really, really bad.

But I still laughed?

C-

It wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be. It definitely had a few funny moments... Mutant High School and Darryl Hammond's impersonation of Jack Sparrow were two of the film's high points. I also did enjoy some of the casting... Fred Willard, Crispin Glover, the aforementioned Darryl Hammond, and Jennifer Coolidge all rock in my book.

But in the end, for every funny joke or scene there were 7 that were painfully unfunny... and I mean painfully unfunny. Also, it suffered largely from the same thing that Date Movie did... some of the "spoofs" weren't anything other than a quick impersonation. For example, a guy shows up like Borat and says a Borat line verbatim... nothing funny about it, nothing added. The best spoofs are when it takes it a step further and/or says something interesting about the movie it is skewering. The 2 of 6 writers from Scary Movie don't seem to realize this when writing these movies.

Still in the end, I actually kind of enjoyed the movie... the good jokes were spaced out just enough to keep it entertaining. I'll hate myself in the morning for doing this, but I'm going to give the movie a C.

I suppose I never posted in this thread.

Well, my husband was watching it on Cinemax a few weeks ago and I had nothing else to do, so I stupidly decided to watch it.

I must give it props for making Date Movie look hysterical in comparison, as well as running for 80 minutes and containing not one single moment of anything resembling anything even mildly amusing.

F times a million.