They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.

I love Scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly

"This morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it."
"Oh, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel."

"What in the hell's diversity?"
"Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era."
"Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try."

"I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation."
"Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy."

Oh this movie.

Reading the first page of this thread reveals the typical failure of many viewers to grasp low comedy classics early in their existence.