That Michael Jackson is unbelievable, isn't he? - Al Gore, June 15, 1998 to CHICAGO BULL fans.

The problem with the French is that they dont have a word for "entrepreneur" - George W. Bush

I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue. - Richard Nixon

Outside of the killings, [Washington] has one of the lowest crime rates in the country - Mayer Marion Barry, Washington DC

Walter Mondale: "George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologise." George Bush: "Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time."

In a general way, we try to anticipate some of your questions so that I can respond "no comment" with some degree of knowledge. - William Baker, CIA spokesman

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

I took the initiative in creating the internet - Al Gore

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. - George W. Bush

More and more of our imports come from overseas. - George W. Bush

The next time we elect a president, for God's sake can we do a background check? - David Letterman


How can we have a Y2K problem in a country with both Microsoft and Intel? - Al Gore, Vanity Fair, Jan, 1999

I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican. - Vice President Dan Quayle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. - Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89

I don't have to live like them to represent them. - Congressman Norm Dicks about the necessity of a $30,000 midnight pay raise which was more than many of his constituents' salaries.

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. - Dan Quayle, regarding pollution.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that word is "to be prepared". - Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89


Public speaking is very easy. - Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

The future will be better tomorrow. - Dan Quayle

The Pledge of Allegiance says 'liberty and justice for all'. Which part of 'all' don't you understand? - Rep. Pat Schroeder

The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. - George Carlin

People who don't pay their taxes are breaking the law. - The Irish Minister for Finance shares his remarkable discovery - Sept 1999

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And bravo to whoever said this:

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.


Let us support bi partisianship... I will hug your elephant, if you kiss my ass.

Because one post just doesn't quite put it the right way, here's another! A sequel! To the first post!



They think, therefore I am. - God

I don't question YOUR existence. - God

The only difference between saints and sinners is that every saint has a past while every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde

SATAN, SATAN! It's the main megafurnace! She's losin' power and the temperature is dropping fast! I'm not sure if I can hold her! - Scotty in Hell

For those of you who have children and don't know about it, we have a nursery downstairs. - On a church sign, Dallas :evil:

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Feiffer

Confession without repentance is just bragging. - Rev. Eugene Bolton

The Scriptures are shallow enough for a babe to come and drink without fear of drowning and deep enough for theologians to swim in without ever reaching the bottom. - St. Jerome

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God: Thy will be done, and those to whom God says: All right, then, have it your way. - C.S. Lewis


...................

Anonymous/Unknown/Generic:



Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.

Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the Ark.

A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac - one who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog...

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, What is this, some kind of joke?


Atheist achieving orgasm: Oh Random! Oh, Chance!

Beware of the Vampire Jesus - He gave his blood for you and he wants it all back now!

ERROR 666: Armageddon detected. Please restart universe and try again.

God: Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.
Angel: What are you going to do now?
God: I think I'll call it a day.

Here's to the sun God, He sure is a fun God, Ra, Ra, Ra

How do we know God doesn't change his mind as much as we do?

I don't mind Jesus, it's his fan club I can't stand.

I saw the light. I turned it off.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

If money is the root of all evil, why do churches want it so badly?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If we're born again, does that mean we get two belly buttons?

If you are going to sin, then sin in the bathroom. Even God has the decency not to look.

If you live like there's no God... you'd better be right.

In the beginning, God created the Baptists. And the Baptists looked at themselves and said: We good. And God saw it was too late.

It's YOUR hell, YOU burn in it

Jesus loves you, get over it!

Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney.

Jesus Saves! By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

Jesus saves. Satan invests.

Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots... He SCORES!

Life is short - pray hard.

Make God laugh - plan for the future.


No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.

On an atheist's tombstone: Here lies an atheist. all dressed up and no place to go.

Prayer: 'Dear God, we payed for this food so thanks for nothing.'

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?

Sign on a church: "We aren't Dairy Queen, but we have great Sundays!"


Sorry I missed church, I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

To YOU I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself.


When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Eh?

Box that first one about Al Gore was hlarious 8)

Like it

That is absolutely hilarious.

lol i got this funny e-mail today:


What part of your body goes to heaven first??

.... The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her
class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to heaven..... which part of your body
goes first? Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think its your hands." Why do you think its your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your
hands first." "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think its your legs". The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
Now Little Johnnie, why would you think it would be your legs? Little Johnny said," Well I walked into mommy and daddy's
bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air, and she was saying, "OH GOD, I'M COMING!". If dad
hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her right there!"
THE NUN FAINTED