Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey split!

Four zillion weeks later and I still don't care. But I've kindly given America time to get their shit together after the shocking and possibly Thanksgiving ruining news that Jessica Pimpson and Prick Lachey have finally "called it a day" on the marraige that they built their careers from. Teenage girls across the land dive for the Kleenex and lose all faith in the sanctity of marriage, and middle aged women leave their husbands fairwell notes stinking with questions on existentiality; instead deciding to become whores in Puerto Rico. Which, by the way, If any Puerto Rican Whoores are reading - is totally respectable.

Does anyone else feel slightly cheated? They rose to fame on the back of a reality tv show about their marriage, and suddenly when they reach the places they wanted to be they decide to split up. And Now we have to hear Jessica Simpsons music. Jessica Simpson, Im sorry to say, Is possibly the least talented singer in pop music today. Oh no wait that honour goes to her little sister, Fuglee Simpson. As long as Pimpson still has hot fantasies about threesomes with Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera then shes not going anywhere. So get ready for a Jessica Simpson "re-invention" of all your favourite classics. Like say, Celine Dions "My Heart Will Go On". Take a moment to imagine that.

Some people blame Nick Lachey for reportedly cheating on Pimpson with a hooker, some blame Pimpson for reportedly having an affair with the entire cast and crew of Dukes of Hazzard. I blame Joe Simpson. Who had clearly been plotting this all along in order to bring himself one step closer to the marvel that is Jessica Simpson's Boobs. Seriously people, that man has some wierdass obsession with his daughters and their chests.

Its clear that now the Newlyweds is done, the shows fans will start watching "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic" DVDs instead. At which stage they will lose the will to live and suddenly realise that Kevin Federline is a greater threat to the world's genepool than the lovechild of Osama Bin Laden and Hitler.

The Diary of Mimi: Entry #1

Before, we recapped on Mariah Careys long and illustrious career in "Everybody Loves Salamimi"

Now. We bring you the first of many.
The Diary of [Sala]Mimi!

Finally, Get in the mind of the crazy bitch! Even though shes not actually writing any of this shit!




Buy my album fans, If you've already bought it. Buy it again.
Stay tru. Salamimi
XXX



Also: I've tweaked the look of the site a little bit. Hopefully it looks hotter now. It may change format in the next two or three months.

ok so this shit freaked me out

Im not going to sleep until it hits 667

Bristow Got Back

Image Link

My favourite woman ever is fucking huge! Don't make this girl go all Sydney Bristow on your ass. I've seen "Alias" and I know that when shes mad, she usually removes testicles and sells them on ebay. Then she eats the leftovers because they are "nutritious" as can be verified by http://www.undergroundcannibals.com


So the pictures then - a heavily pregnant Jennifer Garner trying to haulass to the emergency room for her friend.

The paparazzi are such fuckheads. They need to leave this goddess the hell alone! She didn't ask for an eternal damnation of being stalked by fat, ugly men masturbating in bushes with cameras when she married Ben Affleck, all she asked for was a buttchin to stroke . And a buttchin she got. Isn't it weird how Ben Affleck has suddenly become far more likeable since hes gotten together with Jgar? Its because Jennifer Garner is magical, magical like a fairy.

Infact. Jennifer Garner is a fairy. A mystical magical fairy goddess. With a huge booty.


"HOLD ON BITCHES, TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT HERE. lil PRIVACY please!?"

Christina Aguilera is Slutty Pancakes!

Lets rename Christina Aguilera : Slutty Pancakes on account of her wedding being sluttier than a Britney Spears toilet party.

Just Jared brings images of Slutty Pancakes' wedding reception with one of the ugliest men ive ever seen ever touching her leg. "Whos that crazy hobo exciting Christina Aguilera" you may ask. Well, thats her husband. And you thought Kfed was a douche.

Hear more from Slutty Pancakes' vagina
Here and here.

Then donate to the Slutty Pancakes Vagina Vaseline Campaign

Since its getting fucking difficult to cross format, im only copy pasting one of the stories.
The Diary of Mimi: Entry #2 : Toni Braxton is a disease!
----



Lohan Boobwatch: Day 7th Heaven

Anna Nicole Smith wins an imaginary oscar!

I'm sick of watching Lindsay Lohan's weight fluctuate more than Matthew Perry's weight during any season of "Friends". I'll just wait for the E! True Hollywood Story in ten years about how she almost killed herself because of the public eyes always on her. At the very worst, she'll get the top story on a weekend edition of "Entertainment Tonight".

Theres no doubt that Lindsay Lohan right now is nearly as hot as Lindsay Lohan ala Mean Girls. If she just lived in McDonalds for a week then we might be getting somewhere.
Although im not sure if i can say that any more now im 18.

Being a teenager is such a drag, when I look at pictures of Lindsay Lohan, all these strange and confusing changes suddenly happen in my body! I don't know what to do!

w00t the thread has passed 10,000 views! *Clappies*

The first "images update"

Since it is really images only with a few paragraphs of caption, ill only hotlink two

Thanks fugs [which im using to replace the formerly popular "bitches"] for nominating The Deli for Best Thread!
Even though its got its own site, The Deli remains true to its roots; those roots being dirty blonde after being dragged through the trailer park more times that Britney Spears did to Kevin last week. It's one of the most popular threads on the site, and the total combined views are approaching 30,000. Which is pretty impressive when you consider the humble roots and the short amount of time we've been around for. Word of mouth is a spreadin, but when Im no longer talking to you because rich and famous people don't associated with [s]filthy, disgusting losers[/s] people on the internet, you can remember that you were here when a beautifully disastrous thing began!

Anywhoo, thanks for all your support, and if this thread wins, i'll be sure to invite Halle Berry out to cry her little eyes out in place of any acceptance speech. That bitch needs to put some rubber glue on her eyelids and give the drama a rest!

As a thank you, here's some hot pics!

Lindsay Lohan is as unprofessional as she is chlamydia prone!

God Lindsay Lohan is such a huge std on societies fugly bottom lip! Get this

• Lindsay Lohan attended the King Kong premiere Monday night.
• Lindsay Lohan was spotted at the afterparty living it up in the wee small hours of Tuesday Morning.
• Lindsay Lohan had an assistant call in to Regis and Kelly on Tuesday morning within minutes before the show was due to broadcast to say she was "sick with food poisoning" and wouldn't be attending. Such short notice is unprofessionalism of the highest order.
  But the cream on the fucking cake was this...
• Lindsay Lohan attended TRL on Tuesday night, and changed into no less than three outfits in the shows run. The actress appeared to be in great health.

Who the fuck did she think she was cancelling on Regis & Kelly five minutes before it went on the air? Then she has the audacity to show up at TRL and strut around the place in no less than three outfits. [Like anyone actually gives a shit what this ho wears!]. You just know that Lindsay Lohan is the kind of girl that feels more secure with a bunch of idiotic, screaming teenagers and presenters with very low IQs as opposed to a pervy old man, an audience with heart monitors next to them and presenters with generally low IQs. I'd be on Regis and Kelly! We could have a kinky assed threesome!

I think its about time I unchained Hilary "Furious D" Duff and let her loose to find and eliminate Lindsay Lohan. I don't know if any of you guys have noticed, but I've been forgetting to feed her lately. And by lately I mean the past year. And a half.

What? Don't look at me like that. I've been busy with more important things! Like sleeping. And playing with my dong.

Can someone lock this piece of shit?

Ms. Lohan I presume!

My 4 POSTER NOMINATIONS easily beat your 0.

Its kind of like battleship. Please die.

I think you got the nominations due to your wry sense of humor. "Paris Hilton's monkey runs away, now what will she use, the SLUT" (reads like something you may have "thought up" [allegedly]). HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, maybe next time awards season rolls around, I will run up my post total with frivolous unfunny garbage, posing as humor or celebrity gossip. Then, when that fails, I will use clever name changes to trick unsuspecting viewers into my thread of deceptions.

Two words:
Settle. Down.

Ok, "kid rock" "69" "x"
I'll take your criticism into account.
And by "taking your criticism into account" what I really mean is "Ignore everything you say".

I just find it kind of wierd why you so vocally dislike my humour and this thread, yet you continously come in here to insult it. If you had a shred of maturity or intelligence in there you'd generally avoid things you dislike.
It's not like i lay an open invitation to your private message box.
Or maybe your one of those babies who disliked being dropped on your head, but continously strived to be dropped anyway.

That explaination sounds pretty fug to me. So i'll just say its true.

As for this thread; Its a guilty pleasure for me to write, and I'd presume for some people to read. Thats all the explaination it needs..

Oh and a sidenote, I don't particularly find humour on "commies" or "hippies" funny, and yet I'm subjected to it every time you make a post on this website. But I have this ability to, you know, be polite and ignore it.

Salamimi and Peter Pan are coming for your first born!


Hide your food preservatives and then if you've got time, put your kids in a locked basket with no air holes [the air holes note is imperative] because Mariah Carey is hungry! And shes got Peter Pan to fly her fatass around the world.

Also notable: Mariahs tits are clearly try to break free and eat the children on their own free will! Just as well shes given then names so she can call their asses back for a doggie treat!

Now now Percible! We've talked about this! No eating babies

Rachel McAdams is not naked

Radar Online is reporting that Rachel McAdams was wearing her big brave girl boots when she went to a Tom Ford photoshoot and then stormed out, firing her publicist on the way, and riding her little pink tricycle all the way home when she realised that he wanted her naked for the shoot.

Im not sure what Rachel McAdams problem with the world seeing her vagina exactly is, but im thinking that she should do less talking and more stripping! Her mother and father should probobly give her a gift certificate this year to go to the Lindsay Lohan Bootcamp of Slutification [Low grade crack supplies limited] because Rachel McAdams seems to have totally forgotten that being young and pretty means she should be naked and stupid. And Lindsay Lohan should be a reminder to all young hotties that they should be naked and stupid and [s]crawling with chlamydia.[/s]

How embarrasing for poor little Rachel McBunnyflowers [Which is her new name on account of her being sweet, like a Bunny. And flowers] It's hard to think that she was the mildly attractive bitch from Mean Girls just a year ago and now shes a beautiful, modest actress who has not only resisted the allure of Lindsay Lohans cocaine laced breasts, but seems to enjoy walking about with clothes on. Shes like a Mini Me of Jennifer Garner, and thats never a bad thing.

You mean there's someone that Kidrock hates more than me?

Rachel McBunnyFlowers.

No.
I only hate people of significance.

If I said "You mean there's some that hates Kidrock more than me", then that would make sense. But I did not say that.

There is that old option, we call "no clicky on a thread we no likely," try it sometime.