I mean sure I could say well you knew you were being a homewrecker etc and such but I guess I mean I find more fault with the person who is doing the cheating than the person he/she is doing it with.

I agree
I mean, if i dont know the other person, my only guilt comes from knowing its not right. But thats also a thrill.

Funnily, the hot ones boyfriend now sees me all the time as he has moved to carlisle which is awkward because i think he knows and its difficult to not talk to him. Yeuch,

Yeah, the fault is 100%, as far as I'm concerned, on whoever is doing the two-timing. Its cool that Libs and the other woman, instead of getting mad at eachother, put the responsibility exactly where it belonged.

And by the way, there's no one reason why people cheat. And While iIagree with Mav that it might be boredom if it happens later on in the relation, if its only the second year of serious dating, it looks to me more like the relationship was on its way out the door anyways. That physically/emotionally they knew it before logically/consciously they did. Usually when its like that (two years, dating) I say its better it happened when it did than 10 years down the line when people have already grown dependant on eachother for other reasons (and boredom kicks in).

This goes back to that question someone asked awhile back about if its ok to go for someone who is in a relationship. I say yes if the other relationship is on the way out and the two people involved aren't ready to admit it yet. I say no if one person is happy and the other person just wants to fool around and takes neither the feelings of who (s)he is cheating on, nor who (s)he is cheating with, seriously. Then its just an ego trip.

So not unlike the Michael we have here on our very own board!

As for the topic at hand, I dunno. I've never cheated myself, but I can see why people do it. Monogamy seems a bit antiquated to me, but that's probably because I just haven't found "the right person".

I cheated once I didn't go all the way, but it lasted way too long and was way too serious to be ignored. And disappointingly, I'm still not sure if I regret it.

People have their reasons, few of which don't stem from selfishness.

It's funny. I've heard this from several different people, but all of them have been male.

Heh, maybe it is a predominantly male point of view, but really, it's silly to think that you'll only ever be sexually attracted to one person, and the whole notion of "but loving someone means fighting those urges and staying faithful" rings the same bells for me as "but being god-fearing means fighting the urges to mess around on the side". I'm not saying staying true to one person isn't a good thing, just that it seems a bit silly and repressed. I do think it's possible to have a happy, long-term relationship with someone and occasionally play around on the side. In fact, in some cases it may even be beneficial.

Like I said though, I've never done it myself. I'm waiting for someone famous to popularise it and make it the status quo.

It makes me sick to my stomach thinking that cheating would ever happen to me or by me. I guess I'm not evolved enough yet!

See there's the conundrum! While I'm "evolved" enough to philosophically think of it as beneficial and positive, I know that my stomach would be in knots if I found out someone I was seeing was having sex with someone else on the side.

It's been my experience that people who cheat are looking to end a relationship that they are no longer happy in. They choose the easy way out by being unfaithful, instead of having an honest discussion with their partner, and therefore sabotaging the relationship. People who cheat more often that not have thought about it long before they acted on their urges. Its not like they wake up one day and decide to be unfaithful. That being said we are only as faithful as our options.

As far as myself go's i've been cheated on and have cheated on someone. When in I cheated I did so when I was much younger and failed to consider the feelings of my girlfriend, an opportunity presented itself and I acted on it. I'm not proud of it but I learned a valuable lesson and moved on. Karma paid me back in full when I was cheated on a few years later.

See, people are confusing cheating with an open relationship. Cheating is when one person doesn't know, and that's not fair. Open relationship is when both people decide mutually that it is ok to see other people, and they remain honest about it. I'm fine with the latter.

Only as Jujubee has mentioned, and in my own experience, all the open relationships I've been in and witnessed were polygamous (on the male side) not polyamorous. I chalk that one up to cultural conditioning, which is the mother of all barriers.


Bingo. We have a winner.


Believe me, what is being said is better left in German. I don't really know why you guys would want to know what it reads. My virgin ears are burning...

I was involved with a married guy a couple of years ago. Let me just say it was probably the most depressing and pointless relationship in my life.

I'll never forget the time he called me after his wife came home from the doctor's and told me that there was a "good chance" we'd be spending more time together because the news was not good.

I thought it wise to break it off a couple of days later.

If it were really a teen movie the two of you would have ended up the closest of friends.

Anyway, as for the subject, I've never cheated. Others around me might disagree, but I haven't. I'm a really flirtatious guy with my girl friends and do a lot of stuff 1 on 1 with them. If we end up watching a movie (for example), we might end up cuddling. It happens frequently. While some might disagree, I don't think that's cheating. That's a baseless claim, because it all amounts to nothing. If I had romantic thoughts about any of these girls, it could be construed as cheating, but I don't really see a problem.

So I learned today that Michael and Insomniacdude are sluts.

Of course I always knew Michael was a slut. It's just nice to get some evidence.

I cheat usually to get out of relationships or because the person is really hot.

i hate breaking up with ppl, so i usually fuck them off to make them break up with me.

I have never cheated on somebody, and I don't believe I have ever been cheated on. Though I've only been in one serious relationship which lasted from the time I was 13-17, and I'm 19 now, so very little serious relationship experience, well, just the one really. But I never messed around with another guy/girl while I was with him, and I'm sure he never either. Though I would have called it an open relationship since I hate setting rules or limits, or whatever on people.

But it really depends on the relationship. I like open relationships, but if my partner wasn't fond of them, I'd make adjustments. And if we decided to not have an open relationship, and he ended up cheating after being the one who didn't want the open relationship, I'd be more pissed off than sad/upset. So really, I don't think it's possible for me to be heartbroken in a relationship over this topic since I'll be the one supporting an open relationship, and the guy/girl will have to decide if they want that or not, and if not, and they end up cheating, I'll just be pissed off because he/she went against his/her word because I'd never break that trust.

I could understand an open relationship, but never accept it.

Not in your nelly could i be with someone who was playing it on the side.
I want the kind of love so powerful that nothing and no-one else would be relevant.

I could come here and say how i would never cheat and cheating is bad(i have never cheated) but i know that if a woman like Monica Bellucci ever wanted to fuck with me then i would not be against it and i wouldn't even feel a tad guilty about it.

Have fun looking.

I've never settled once.
I've never been happier.

I'll be single till im sixty if thats what it takes.

Wisely put and agreed 110%.

Also kudos to the mods for taking out all the spam, and thanks for reopening the thread.

While maybe not realistic per se, waiting for someone you truly care for to come along is certainly not irrational. Some people prefer to date multiple people over their lifetime, some prefer to wait for one person, I don't see any problem with either mindset (especially given that today the pressure isn't on continuing the family line etc, plus raising a family can be damn expensive).

So young and idealistic! A relationship is not just built on all-consuming love. It is something that takes work and mutual investment from day one. Even with love, relationships can go wrong. If anything, the belief the deference towards love when there might be other pressing relationship issues is exactly why many relationships collapse. A healthy relationship will always require a lot of effort, and will not just fall from the sky and play out naturally until the end of time.

Oh, and Jeff, I know it was removed, but that biologically essentialist model you provided about spreading seed and protecting children is just wrong...in...so...many...ways. When was it formulated? In the late forties and fifties?