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Got This Letter From Work Today ....

Author	Message
Eagle Site Owner Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 1:09 pm Posts: 14631 Location: Pittsburgh	Got This Letter From Work Today .... Quote: 2005 New Employee Rules and Regulations Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctors note as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average sized figure. Fat people get 5 minutes because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consteration and input shall be directed elsewhere. Thank you. The Management.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 1:50 pm

teenman The Incredible Hulk Joined: Fri Nov 12, 2004 1:10 pm Posts: 510	WOW! Worse than some bosses from Universal Orlando commercials!
Tue Apr 05, 2005 1:57 pm

Jeff Christian's #1 Fan Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 8:25 pm Posts: 28110 Location: Awaiting my fate	Funny, I got a letter like that too. :wink: _________________ See above.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 2:01 pm

bABA Commander and Chef Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 12:56 am Posts: 30505 Location: Tonight ... YOU!	i think we all did. Ours was posted in the kitchen. I was shocked till i read the bathroom rule.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 2:08 pm

Jeff Christian's #1 Fan Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 8:25 pm Posts: 28110 Location: Awaiting my fate	My mom got one when she was a manger at a craft store about 20 years ago, and it was even funnier. It included such things as death notices, and requiring a two weeks notice. Also, that bathroom times would be scheduled according to last name, once per day. Funny stuff. :wink: _________________ See above.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 2:14 pm

zingy College Boy Z Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 8:40 pm Posts: 36662	Where do you work, Eagle? Only 3 minutes to use the bathroom? Are they psychotic?!
Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:18 pm

xiayun Extraordinary Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 3:41 pm Posts: 25109 Location: San Mateo, CA	Yeah, a good one. I was a little worried about Eagle's workplace for like 5 seconds. :razz: Funny stuff. _________________ Recent watched movies: American Hustle - B+ Inside Llewyn Davis - B Before Midnight - A 12 Years a Slave - A- The Hunger Games: Catching Fire - A- My thoughts on box office
Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:31 pm

Eagle Site Owner Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 1:09 pm Posts: 14631 Location: Pittsburgh	heh, silly rabbit. Trix are for kids!
Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:38 pm

Dr. Lecter You must have big rats Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 4:28 pm Posts: 92093 Location: Bonn, Germany	_________________ The greatest thing on earth is to love and to be loved in return!
Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:20 pm

Beeblebrox All Star Poster Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2004 9:40 pm Posts: 4679	Glad to see people are finally paying attention to my memos. Now get back to work dammit!
Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:26 pm

bABA Commander and Chef Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 12:56 am Posts: 30505 Location: Tonight ... YOU!	Beeblebrox wrote: Glad to see people are finally paying attention to my memos. Now get back to work dammit! With the way your threads have been going beeble, i really thought you would blame this letter on the religious far right ... or whatever you call them.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:27 pm

Beeblebrox All Star Poster Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2004 9:40 pm Posts: 4679	Gimli the Elf wrote: With the way your threads have been going beeble, i really thought you would blame this letter on the religious far right ... or whatever you call them. I resisted the temptation. But since you brought it up (wink), this is more like something economic conservatives would write, not religious conservatives.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:32 pm

insomniacdude I just lost the game Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2004 7:00 pm Posts: 5868	http://bash.org/?258908 <Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours. <ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly. <Ben174> : Where u work? <ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com *** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving) _________________
Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:57 pm

STEVE ROGERS The Greatest Avenger EVER Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2004 4:02 am Posts: 18501	Re: Got This Letter From Work Today .... Eagle wrote: Quote: 2005 New Employee Rules and Regulations Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctors note as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average sized figure. Fat people get 5 minutes because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consteration and input shall be directed elsewhere. Thank you. The Management. OK First of all, where the hell do you work that your so called boss has the Goddamn right to tell you or anyone how there qualified for a financial increase or not based on that Godawful Memo they sent to you?? What the fuck?? How did you react to this bullshit when you first received it?? Tell you what: Damn good thing they didn't send me this Memo cause I would've went over your bosses head to his or her boss and questioned the ethics of this Memo and how it was presented.... So if I drive a Porsche to work on a job where I'm making say, 30,000 a year, I'm not qualified for an increase based on the type of vehicle I drive or the nice clothes I wear?? What the fuck kind of shit is this??? :laugh: If I were you, I'd be looking for a different place of Employment kid.. _________________ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dmXF3CE04A This kills TDKR At the box office next summer.. Get used to this
Tue Apr 05, 2005 10:46 pm

Ahmed Johnson Cream of the Crop Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2004 12:22 pm Posts: 2226 Location: Pearl River, Mississippi	YOU DUMB GREEN BASTARD... _________________
Tue Apr 05, 2005 10:49 pm

MGKC --------- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 10:42 pm Posts: 11808 Location: Kansas City, Kansas	Re: Got This Letter From Work Today .... Eagle wrote: Quote: Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. That's one of the funniest things I've heard for some time.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 11:02 pm

Jeff Christian's #1 Fan Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 8:25 pm Posts: 28110 Location: Awaiting my fate	Re: Got This Letter From Work Today .... BKB_The_Man wrote: OK First of all, where the hell do you work that your so called boss has the Goddamn right to tell you or anyone how there qualified for a financial increase or not based on that Godawful Memo they sent to you?? What the fuck?? How did you react to this bullshit when you first received it?? Tell you what: Damn good thing they didn't send me this Memo cause I would've went over your bosses head to his or her boss and questioned the ethics of this Memo and how it was presented.... So if I drive a Porsche to work on a job where I'm making say, 30,000 a year, I'm not qualified for an increase based on the type of vehicle I drive or the nice clothes I wear?? What the fuck kind of shit is this??? :laugh: If I were you, I'd be looking for a different place of Employment kid.. BKB, it is a joke. Memos like this have been floating around for years. Sort of an email hoax type thing. _________________ See above.
Tue Apr 05, 2005 11:14 pm

are-why-a-en MISSING IN ACTION Joined: Fri Dec 03, 2004 7:42 pm Posts: 4292 Location: The Beautiful Islands of San Diego	Re: Got This Letter From Work Today .... BKB_The_Man wrote: Eagle wrote: Quote: 2005 New Employee Rules and Regulations Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctors note as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average sized figure. Fat people get 5 minutes because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consteration and input shall be directed elsewhere. Thank you. The Management. OK First of all, where the hell do you work that your so called boss has the Goddamn right to tell you or anyone how there qualified for a financial increase or not based on that Godawful Memo they sent to you?? What the fuck?? How did you react to this bullshit when you first received it?? Tell you what: Damn good thing they didn't send me this Memo cause I would've went over your bosses head to his or her boss and questioned the ethics of this Memo and how it was presented.... So if I drive a Porsche to work on a job where I'm making say, 30,000 a year, I'm not qualified for an increase based on the type of vehicle I drive or the nice clothes I wear?? What the fuck kind of shit is this??? :laugh: If I were you, I'd be looking for a different place of Employment kid.. Wow, he took it seriously. Funny stuff eagle. LOVE IT!
Wed Apr 06, 2005 12:49 am

dolcevita Extraordinary Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2004 11:24 pm Posts: 16061 Location: The Damage Control Table	Well, I just got as far as the bit about not being able to wear prada and gucci and said f*** that! :wink:
Wed Apr 06, 2005 12:52 am

coolmoviedude999 Indiana Jones IV Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2005 3:20 pm Posts: 1108	This letter is nothing compared to the one I passed out at work today. I used this as a blue print. Thanks for many wonderful ideas. I even added pay decreases based on height. If your smaller, you require less material. Therefore make you own clothes. You will save money on fabric. Everyone in the office is required to worship me for 15 minutes every day. This while I put on my English cape and dance the Rumba.
Thu Apr 07, 2005 4:38 am
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Got This Letter From Work Today ....

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