Its visuals, the concepts it presents, and its score are all strong. However, the film merely glimpses at those unique concepts for ciched family drama that skips from one member to the next in the antagonist clan. The character development is also poor and while Redmayne tries his best, his character is just bad and his accent he went for was terrible.

The beginning is enjoyable and then it very rapidly goes downhill. It's missing tons of things that make a film work. Shame, I thought I was going to end up really liking it. Tatum and Kunis are fine but their characters are pretty void of any personality. As for Redmayne... it was a strange choice for the voice but I guess that was what the Wachowskis wanted for whatever reason, I didn't really think much of it. I very much enjoyed their other hot mess, Cloud Atlas, much more.

Jupiter Ascending is a resounding failure, which is sad because I am a fan in general of ambitious and divisive sibling directors Lana and Andy Wachowski. I adore not only The Matrix, their epoch-energizing cyber action film, but also Speed Racer, a psychedelic live-action ode to Japanese animation, and Cloud Atlas, a genre-combining, poignant masterpiece set over the course of centuries. Here, they newly envision The Wizard of Oz as a hedonistic, Dune-style space opera. The storyline—at once absurd, convoluted, and simplistic—turns on a dispirited janitor by the comic-strip-friendly name of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis). She learns she is the reincarnation of the matriarch of a feuding, powerful intergalactic family. Their trade involves purchasing and harvesting entire planets to create a restorative elixir and maintain their fountains of youth. The discovery pushes Jupiter into the volatile center of a cosmic power play, and she turns to nothing short of an elf-eared half-wolf bounty hunter with anti-gravity boots (Channing Tatum) for help. They fall in love. Cities explode on Earth and elsewhere. An elephant pilots a spaceship. Go figure.

Neither lead is well-cast or well-served by the script. Kunis is attractive, but vacant and outmatched at every turn by the constant parade of visual adornment, including her own often ornate costumes. She simply never creates an interesting or sympathetic character. Rather, hers is an afterthought of a heroine along for the ride. And not only is Tatum's charisma dialed down, but his performance is also undermined by a constant air of discomfort. The air of an actor slightly ashamed of his role. Is it the ears? It must be the ears. Also of note is an antagonist played by Eddie Redmayne, shifting into a high-camp, scenery-devouring mode as he campaigns for an Academy Award for The Theory of Everything. He portrays the character as a diseased and entitled space dandy, always scowling at the inadequacy of his reptilian henchmen and whispering his lines as if every word is slowly emerging from a foul place deep within. It is a captivating, unreal, almost experimental performance in the vein of 21st-century Nicolas Cage at his most outre and sure to divide audiences and critics.

As for the name-brand directors, their worst instincts come to the fore as their best recede. There are several awe-inspiring interplanetary establishing shots, as well as an astonishing level of explanatory dialogue and related jargon (who knew Earth's bees are engineered to recognize celestial royalty?), but the world building is ultimately as superficial as the corny and earnest traces of anti-capitalism sermonizing. This universe and its mythology never springs to life beneath the pomp and the posing. And the chaotic, indulgent action sequences, unburdened by investment in the characters and their moment-to-moment fears and goals, tend to outstay their welcome.

D

1. I know, I know, there is nothing wrong with an honest day's labor, cue the strings, etc., etc., but I hate the fact Jupiter completely returns to her rushed early mornings and long days of cleaning toilets. What a tragic ending.

2. Nice angel-wing-erection in the final scene.

Well, at least I was correct in my prediction, right?

Oh, by the way, I hated, hated, hated the scenes with the Russian family. They are "comic relief," right? Ouch.

On the other hand, I enjoyed the bureaucracy-lampooning scenes at the intergalactic record-keepers bureau, including Terry Gilliam's cameo, though they felt beamed in from another film, such as Brazil (obviously) or The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I want to rip on this film a bit more. Apologies, Lana and Andy.

The prologue is so disorienting. An astrophysicist and a teacher have a nerdy meet-cute. Then, one cut later, anonymous mobsters are busting down their door and shouting, 'WHERE IS OUR MONEY, BITCH?' No connective tissue. Then she is giving birth in a container on a cargo ship?

Or how strange is the subplot where her...cousin? convinces her to sell her eggs. And later her...uncle? beats him. 'YOU NO TREAT FAMILY AS CHICKEN! NO TREAT FAMILY AS CHICKEN!' What is going on?

The first act in general is very confusing and rushed. Consider the introduction of the three bounty hunters, one played by the South Korean actress from Cloud Atlas, and their motivation. Whose employ were they in again? Who was the, 'Do you trust me?' one betraying?

In general, the film is way overburdened with extraneous jargon and unimportant references because the Wachowskis are more interested in playing Frank Herbert than crafting a proper story.

Jupiter Ascending is the 2010s' answer to Battlefield Earth, an incomprehensible, incoherent, baffling hot mess that, when it's not provoking unintentional guffaws, is highly off-putting. It's amazing a studio sunk so much money into this...thing. Poor Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum drift through the film in a fog, displaying no chemistry with each other or any animate/inanimate object. But at least they don't embarrass themselves like current Oscar frontrunner Eddie Redmayne, whose insanely awful histrionics are likely the highlight here. I dunno what happened to the Wachowskis. They are no longer recognizable as the filmmakers who created The Matrix. It's saved from being a total failure by the production values. D

Maybe I missed something but why was the royal sister not constantly using the liquid they harvest from the humans? Was it just a way for them to show Mila's character how it worked? I guess so since if it's in abundance to the point where she can just bath in it I don't see why she would ever let herself look old.

There is no feasible explanation, in my opinion, other than they needed to contrive a way to flashily introduce the immortality elixir.

I was also wondering: what sets the plot in the motion? How did the Abrasax siblings realize there was a reincarnation of their mother in the universe? I cannot remember or maybe it is not covered. It just seems to jump right into the alien hunters descending on Chicago.

Why was an applied mathematics student (professor?) unable to find a job in the U.S. besides as a housekeeper? Further, why is the daughter of a research astronomer and an applied mathematics student (professor?) of seemingly average intelligence and unable to find a job besides as a housekeeper?

Did the random female in her underwear that was about to get proposed to do anything further? Seems a bizarre way to introduce the useless fake name.

If this film can't bring bradley out of retirement nothing can

I honestly was expecting way worse. If anything, I thought would be boring or completely baffling. Tatum and Kunis surprisingly don't embarrass themselves completely, and while the ending is predictable, its story is dense enough to keep your attention.

B-



Eddie Raymane is indeed insane in this. What a bizarre, bizarre choice for that character.

Wow, this thread has so many replies in comparison to SpongeBob. The entire audience for this film must be on World of KJ

Well we're also not 12.

You would still think that this was bigger at the box office based off of how many people here have seen it.

lol I don't think our sample size is a good indication of the general public.

Then I guess Children of Men must have made about $500M or so.

Maybe it was my bottom of the barrel expectations but I ended up really enjoying this. It wasn't perfect by any means but it was incredibly ambitious and I found it to be incredibly entertaining. The visuals and directing was beautiful and the score was great as well. It was brought down by a pretty mediocre script (some of the lines that had to be said were horrible) and the chemistry between Kunis and Tatum was almost non-existent. The movie would have probably been better if it wasn't chopped to pieces (which you could tell it has been). While there were plenty of issues to be had, I still enjoyed myself a lot.

B

I really wanted to like this..... and I did...... but it's pretty terrible, I must admit. If I were less lazy and a better writer I might have penned David's review.

So many things happen in this movie that had me going 'wtf....?' while trying my best to suspend disbelief


It wasn't explicitly spelled out in the movie, but I inferred (giving the Wachowskis as much benefit-of-the-doubt I could muster) that since Earthlings were just blossoming into a 'genetic age,' there were monitors (Keepers? what were those little invisible alien fuckers called?) keeping an eye on our species' genetic information. And when Jupiter (as Catherine Dunlevy) initially checks into the fertility clinic for preliminary tests (prior to movie's timeline), her 'genetic ID' is harvested and sends a signal to someone in the Abbrassex clan, splintering along the annals of power and information and eventually, presumably, landing in the hands of each of the three Abbrassex heirs. Who commenced to squabble and feud over their mummy's new body using some confusing combination of subterfuge, bounty hunters, and intergalactic police squads.....

I saw this movie last night in IMAX 3D and was ready to give it a B (with a future downgrade to B-) but I saw it again tonight and, man...... everything I was hoping might benefit from an extra viewing turned out to be, as I initially expected, just plain bad movie making.

David's summation of the prologue is good: wtf happened and why? Give me your money BitcH?? apparently it doesn't matter. Father is killed in a seemingly random act of violence clinging to his brass telescope, mother shuts down and ships out to America (why not?). The result of these two professors' love-making is Mila Kunis..... who, god bless her cute-as-a-button face, utterly lacks the gravitas to carry a motion picture as ambitious as this one.

Channing Tatum fares better with his blondy-wolfenstein bounty hunter role (but maybe I'm biased cuz I'm gay-sexual for his manbones). Still, his character is thinly-drawn despite an attempt at character-building back-story (he's ferocious, he's an underdog, he has a possibly-genetic-influenced propensity towards violence against wealth/royalty?, he had some drama with Stinger). I do love those gravity-based roller blades, which are equal parts awesome and cheesy.

The rest of the cast is shrugsville..... some awesome/terrible overacting from the eldest Abbrassex, sister Abbrassex perhaps plays her part well but I still wanted to hit her with a lead pipe, and the youngest sibling was well cast and well played by some smarmy-looking fashion model.

Questions abound: On initially coming into contact with Kane, why do those 3 other bounty-hunters let him get away? He appears to be only ~40 feet away from Sonmi-451 (sitting on her G-damn invisible-motorcycle) when she appears to give up, turn to her compatriots, and say, "This is real bad. We should tell the Guy."

A million other things with pacing and motivation.... Kane always shows up just in the nick of time to rescue Jupiter, only to have someone else come and kidnap her. Repeat.

Mila Kunis' most emotive moment in the movie is when she sees Stinger again on a spaceship.... "Stinger! You made it!!!" yeah, great, we talked for like two minutes earlier....

Jupiter to eldest Abbrassex: "Alright! I'll do it, I'll do whatever you want me to do!!" Hawking's response: "You're in no position to negotiate." umm, sounded like she was capitulating to me you creepy motherfucker.... They go on to delay this "non-negotiating" scene for another five minutes, interspliced with whatever action scene Chates was navigating.

Cut to Jupiter moving her floating-family to safety???? Possibly???? We see her moving their bodies around for a minute, then she's falling through the blue ray behind the Eldest, then she's climbing all sorts of poorly-constructed outer scaffolding, then she climbs more scaffolding, then she's confronted again by the Eldest, who does a pussy-assed job beating her with a pipe, then she gets the pipe and beans him a couple good ones, then throws the pipe away.... in some sort of significant moment signifying.... something....... apparently her family is safe, due to the benevolence of the police, and Chates, maybe...???

Then she's back to working a shitty-ass job, but now, because she's seen the Universe and understands the tiny role played by our own Earth version of humanity, is utterly cheered by the prospect of cleaning wealthier people's shit and grime, because, well, you know, she owns all their asses..... In her own mind at least. Who else besides Archangel-Elfenstein-Magic-Mike would back her up on this, now that she's chosen her diminutive little life as a cleaning maid?? Does her family even remember any of what's happened to them? Or are we made to think, from her "woo-HOOOoo!!" right before the credits (*a strong indicator of quality writing) , that by embracing her gravity-boots and winged-wolf sex-bitch, Jupiter is bound to Ascend to some Greater Purpose for Her Planet??? Or did she already do that earlier??? God I don't know. I could mock this movie for hours. But I'll still see it again.

C or C- (saved by visual splendor, production design, futuristic world-building, and the sheer joy of seeing a terrible/awesome movie)

So this could very well be Redmayne's Norbit perhaps?

I do not believe so. It is just a campy supporting performance by an actor still relatively fresh in most people's minds. Norbit is a unique scenario, I feel: it sharply reminded Academy voters of Murphy's worst, most indulgent instincts as a movie star over the prior two decades. The type of choices which made many weary of him after awhile. He was in a grotesque fat suit playing a horny woman, etc., etc.

Great rant, Steve. I forgot the wonderful moment where Jupiter says she will do ANYTHING HE WANTS IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, and he chides her for...negotiating.

Yep.