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An "F" does it really deserve an eff?

Ouch...

greatest bump ever!

You know, this wa the first question that came to my head when I saw your review of the film? I mean, it stands at 1.6/10 at RT, I believe that's even worse than Baby Geniuses. There is only one semi-positive review I found on it which says that the film is comparable to AvP:

http://www.eclipsemagazine.com/modules/ ... oryid=1280

this movie is great!

Hopefully, Daniel - Der Zauberer can somehow regain the #1 spot on that list. At the moment, Alone in the Dark has a 2.6/10 average at IMDB.

Ouch. Well, I guess I expected an F, but still. I've been thinking about it, and I usually never listen to others or reviews and just go because I want to, but for some reason, I just don't want to anymore. :razz: The bad buzz is absolutely amazing, and I can't help but think that this movie is definently not something I'm going to like. I'm an easy grader, but I doubt I'd give this anything higher than a C. I won't go see it in theaters, most likely. I'll either download it or wait until DVD. Thanks for the review, roid. :wink:

And yes, you made a huge mistake by seeing this over Hide and Seek. [-X

Although I try to keep an open mind, Alone in the Dark is one of those movies that I would not see if I was held at gunpoint.

It looks absolutely atrocious, and it sort of boggles my mind someone would willingly plunk down $9 for this. To each his own, I guess.

Its my best since House of the Dead!

Ah, the difference is I was treating my niece to a movie. I wasn't actually seeing Are We There Yet? by "choice."

Oh yeah, that "niece" excuse.

Aw jeez... is it at least fun in that so bad it's good way, or in just stupid dumb action? Because I think I'm gonna end up seeing this tonight....

I will guarantee you will love my movie man!

No humor? I was laughing my ass off! This movie is a RIOT. Right from the opening scene I could tell this would be hillarious (a kid on an airplane that if he's having a nightmare his mommy says not to be scared of the dark, to which Christian Slater replies, "Your mom is wrong kid. Being afraid of the dark is what keeps most of us alive." And it only gets better from there. Everything about this movie makes me feel like Uwe Boll is the new Ed Wood, be it Tara Reid and Christian Slater badly dryhumping or someone remarking "We shoudn't be here." after seeing a room made out of human skulls. Absolutely nothing in this movie makes a lick of sense (why do these monsters want to kill everyone? Where did they come from? How would taking over the world help that old guy that makes Willie Nelson "mix man with creature" (direct quote)? Why would he WANT to create human monster things? The list of unanswered questions goes on and on, up until the ending where it becomes clear that Uwe Boll thought he could make the sequel into Resident Evil: Apocylpse, which looks like The Shawshank Redemption compared to Alone in the Dark, by having Slater and Reid walking around in an empty city (though aerial shots clearly show pedestrians walking around). As a movie, it was absolutely ghastly. But lemme tell you, I haven't laughed this hard or had this much stupid fun during a movie in quite some time. Shit, I'd say I definitely enjoyed it more then Hide and Seek. F

My whole point is that the movie doesnt take itself seriously.ACTION ACTION ACTION!

It's not a contradiction at all. :razz: You can enjoy a movie and it can still be bad, especially in this case when you're laughing at it's ineptitude.

So.....MovieDude

Do you think we should give Mr. Boll another chance and see Bloodrayne?

No.

Roid, you feel sorry for him?! :razz:

Anyways, there is like a 5% chance I'm seeing this over the weekend. Sadly, my friends and I might not have a choice considering that I already saw Hide and Seek, and if Boogeyman is sold out (because they are non-online ticket buyers), we will have to watch Alone in the Dark. Although, I recommened to just get them both done in the same night if possible, because there's this little part of me that wants to see how bad this movie really is. If a bunch of horror buffs say this is F quality and is a laugh-out-loud comedy, I MUST GO! :wink:

It's sad, I know. We'll see what happens. Boogeyman is my main priority this weekend. I WILL see that first.

I think you'd enjoy it in a demented way Zing.

In a demented way, eh? Hmm..

Ah, the "truly bad but fun to watch" films have quite the list for me: Scary Movie 2 was a terrible sequel, but somehow I can still find reason to watch this film on DVD occasionally. Even if I have only seen it once, Sleepaway Camp prominently sits on this list, as well. The Brady Bunch movies also come to mind.

Alone in the Dark actually failed at failing.

Not one single moment where you could laugh at the idiocy of the scene. Sometimes, you can tell when the actors at least know that they're in a horrible film, but I can tell Slater and Reid think this is what will save their careers. I still haven't got the first clue what the hell the point of the entire movie is. One terrible scene after another (each becoming worse than the last) culminates into a truly overused "shock" ending, where Slater and Reid are walking around an apparently empty city, and we're to believe one of the monsters comes up behind them. If that's the case, I hope they're dead. Why? No, it's not so a sequel will never be considered. It's because I hated them both so much. I'm a fan of Mr. Slater, but even he walks past the realm of "good actor, shitty movie" into a full-on shitfest.

Uwe Boll is certainly not the biggest at fault, either. The "writers" are obvious fans of the game (whereas I never heard of the damn game, let alone played it) because they must think that the truly hardcore fans of the game (raise your hand, anyone?) will know everything there is to know about this movie. The dialogue borders on being illegal (because there is no way that anything this BAD could be allowed). Even the usually uneven and unnecessary sex scene is more uneven and more unnecessary than your average movie. The two worst scenes come in the first ten minutes: Slater's bad boy-ish tactics of scaring an overly dumb kid on a plane is embarassing to watch, it's that bad. And the other scene is where Slater is in a taxi, telling the driver about all this shit, then he so non-chalantly tells the driver to lose the car behind them, because they've been following them the whole time. No raised voice, no panic, just a warning like it was meant to happen.

You have to see Catwoman to experience the full effects of a bad movie. That said, I would not wish this atrocity on any of my enemies. Ever. Save 90 minutes of your life, and go see a "great" movie like Are We There Yet?, or perhaps Napolean Dynamite. Heck, just go ahead and rent Superbabies on DVD. I guarantee you'll have more fun watching those movies non-stop for an entire week, than seeing this shit movie for an hour and a half.

Grade: F

KJ Average Grade: F

That's an all time worst. =D>