Yeah, the degree of being an ass matters...I also mean it more in the sense of you have to show disinterest for her to show interest.

But you seem to have somewhat figured out the situation now, you want to sort out your own feelings before finding out about hers.
But I also guess you would simply hate it if you do nothing now, while she's actually looking for a relationship and would just get with something else instead from one day to another.

I figured out that I have not figured it out.

Yes to what you wrote. Thus the thead title because this is a dilemma and I need to make a decision one way or another. But having others giving their 2 cents, whether I agree or not, does help with perspective.

Okay, so this whole thing is more on my mind that I like to admit to myself. I suppose spending another evening with her (and her sister) figured into that. 90% of my life I knew exactly what I want and how I would go about to try and get what I want. This is not one of these times. The fact that she is naturelly a very aloof person really does not make it easier, at all. Someone who, when you spend some time with, could just say absolutely nothing for minutes and minutes and then just smile and you don't know what is going on. There are three things in life that I am pretty good at: cooking, memorizing pretty much everything and "reading" people (the latter figured into my choice of a major). But I am stumbling with her in that regard every now and then. We probably won't see each other until in two weeks or so (this weekend is New Year's, next weekend I'm going to Amsterdam and during the week it is difficult because of work) and that's probably good to get some perspective.

Having spent the weekend in Amsterdam with one of my best friends and having reflected upon the whole thing some more, I decided that I'll probably tell her in forseeable future.

So, we're meeting again soon and I'm kinda wondering - what is it that we can do together? I mean the typical options are: going to a movie, going to a restaurant, going for a coffee or just hanging out at one's place, maybe cooking together and/or watching something on Netflix.

So this is pretty much what I can think of and thing is, we have done all of these many, many many times, so I would like to suggest something different, but I am not sure what. Going for a walk would have been nice, but weather is shit right now. Museums are not really an option because they are closed when she's off from work.

Yeah, I've gotten pretty rusty at all this.

Too early to ask for Netflix and chill, she knows what that means

Go rock climbing, or bowling, or shopping, or hiking, or see a play, or visit something you've never been to, or swimming at an indoor pool, or to a hot tub or sauna, or a festival/parade, share a favorite book (I know reading aloud sounds childish, but it allows you to experience it with someone else.

Well, in that case she know because I did suggest that yesterday (among other things). We're going for a sushi tonight, but I will need further plans for the upcoming days.

Incase the first post wasn't clear - right now both of us mostly have spare time in the evenings after work. Which means any rock climbing or hiking or festivals are out (and even then, I ain't doing any rock climbing, lol). I don't think bowling is her thing, I'd rather hang myself than go "shopping".

Seeing a play was an option, but this week there is either nothing interesting and the ones that are interesting, are sold out.

I'm gonna ask her to do a dance course with me, though. We both have some dancing experience and I'd like to build some more and hopefully so does she.

Dance classes are actually a blast if you get into them.

I know, I've done them for over two years.

How about just asking her what she wants?

Karaoke, sports game, Color Me Mine, Build a A Bear, scrap booking,

You think that's not what I always try first? The answer is, always, something in the vein of: "No idea. What do you suggest?"

Okay, given all those options (probably aside from the sports game), I suggest that when you try to go on a date with your girl, you do none of these things, but go with the classic dinner/movie combo or cooking or something like that. I wonder if it is the age difference or the cultural difference, but the last three suggestions would come across as just as weird as me presenting her a dick in a box.

what are you guys married or something

No, but we have just been friends for a long time now and she is really the more reserved/introverted type. The input of any kind mostly comes from me.

So, we went for a sushi (even though I don't really like sushi, it was close to her place, so I could pick her up). It was nice, as usual. We've talked for three hours. She's has been feeling stressed out and overworked lately, lacking energy for anything when she comes home in the evening. At some point she said that it might also be because she hasn't had a lasting relationship ever since she started work over two years ago and that she would like one.

I suggested dance classes. She seemed interested. We'll probably do it.

At some point she said that she decided to no longer put makeup on before work or when just casually metting people. I told her she still looked very good. That's about as much flirting as I can muster nowadays, I guess.

I also can't believe I actually typed all that. At least zwackerm has the excuse of being 18.

Let that ish blossom, man! When you feel it's the right time to divulge any feelings, you'll know. And I think she'll be receptive.

Crying at Build a Bear. Zwacks girl seems like she might be the type though

Ish?

And, you know, everyone I have told about this (three close friends) have said the same thing. That I'll know. I am not sure, I will, though. None of my long-term relationships have developed like this. There was no strong crush at the beginning, which then ended up happily. It was more like, hmm, we glided into a relationship each time. We found each other interesting, started seeing each other more and eventually started making out and the feelings developed all along the way. The intentions have been clear very quickly too, so I have never had to "play the game". Well, I have once, but it's been almost 15 years. In other words: I think I am not able to think as clearly and make sound judgements as I usually can.

Also, time is a factor here, I think. With a girl like her, there is definitely not a lack of potential suitors. On top of that, time matters to me too because as much as I hate to admit it, this whole thing occupies my mind and interferes with my work. I should have been working all day, yet I was not in a state to write one halfway decent text throughout the day.

Also, please, don't Build a Bear. My gentials when I read it -

Which of these options sounds less stupid than the others?

- Tell her sister (who I am very good friends with) about it and ask for advice, thus risking that she will be put in a conflict of sorts (because of not being able to tell her sister about it)

- Tell her sister about the general situation without disclosing who it is about (as I said, my circle of friends is large enough that suspicion can be diverted)

- Tell the girl herself about my feelings towards a friend, without letting her know (right off the bat) that it is her I am talking about and gauge her reaction

- Divulge my feelings during my upcoming birthday party on January 20th. A usual I am throwing the party of the year among my friends, this time a pub crawl with 40 people. Probably not the ideal situation for a talk like this, but at least I will have more courage on such a night (potentially fuelled by an alcoholic substance) and I have more comfort of having 40 of my friends around me.

- Write her a letter and give it to her when she departs for a three-week vacation in February (she's going alone)

Not the letter. lol.

Be a man. Grow some balls and do the fourth one. Or the first. But either way you have to stop playing it safe. A risk, however small, needs to be made, and only #1, #4 and #5 do that. The other two are what I'd expect from a pussy like zwackerm.

Then why not #5?