Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party's principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”

The RNC's first black chairman will “surprise everyone” when updating the party's image using the Internet and advertisements on radio, on television and in print, he told The Washington Times.

Having been elected to the job that the Bush White House and its political guru, Karl Rove, once denied him, Mr. Steele is running the show his way. To those who claimed he can't make the trains run on time, he has this message: “Stuff it.”

He stiff-armed an attempt to get him to elaborate on his public relations effort, saying he would be an idiot to give his opponents too much information, but indicated the Republican Party needs to break out of being considered a regional party.

See related story: GOP surpasses Dems on Twitter

”There was underlying concerns we had become too regionalized and the party needed to reach beyond our comfort” zones, he said, citing defeats in such states as Virginia and North Carolina. “We need messengers to really capture that region - young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ... We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

But, he elaborated with a laugh, “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”

Why is every Italian-American politician a total moron?

Oh, come now, Mike, you know I'm not being very serious about my self-loathing. Plus I'd write in Rosa DeLauro for presidency.

GALLAGHER: Do you favor civil unions?

STEELE: No, no no. What would we do that for? What are you crazy? No. Why would we backslide on a core, founding value of this country. I mean this isn't something that you just kind of like, "Oh well, today I feel, you know, loosey-goosey on marriage." I mean, this is a foundational principle of this country. It is a foundational principle of organized society. It isn't something that, you know, in America we decided, "Let's make it between a man and a woman; oh well now, let's change our mind and make it between anyone and anyone." No.

GALLAGHER: So no room even for a conversation about civil unions, in your mind?

STEELE: What's the difference?

GALLAGHER: Well, you're not calling it marriage.

STEELE: Is it?

GALLAGHER: I don't know. I mean, I... I...

STEELE: I mean, like Sarah Palin said, you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig.