Starts off kind of fun and enjoyable, but quickly devolves into a confusing and stupid mess. The last half hour in particular has some of the most inane action sequences I've seen in years. Also, for anyone seeing this for the A-list cast, I wouldn't bother. Other than Howard, Rockwell, O'Hara and Cranston no one here gets anything to do. Ariana DeBose might be on screen for less than 2 minutes total in the grand scheme of things. C-

Super silly but I thought it was entertaining for the most part. Idk who else could've been in Sam Rockwell's role and have been as likable, he was great.

Now and Then was their song? I guess they got a copy five years in advance. That’s some impressive spy shit. Also like everyone on the planet I love The Beatles, but we all know that song sucks, right? It should’ve stayed in a vault. Meanwhile Electric Energy, a song I was convinced while watching the movie must’ve been released in 1976 is actually new and from Ariana DeBose/Boy George, and kicks ass?

I was entertained for a lot of this, but I think the movie began to lose me when they ditched BDH’s red hair for blonde. And for as good and as charming as she is for the first two third’s BDH can’t quite sell the crucial turn. I’m guessing Amy Adam’s, Jennifer Lawrence and Margot Robbie said no. Or they were too expensive. Good on BDH for trying something new.

Also, when did Matthew Vaughn start sucking at directing action sequences? Did it start on the second Kingsman (I didn’t see the third)? The one on the train is good. So is the one in the flat/hallway. But the opening and the “ice skating” ones are truly terrible and look like absolute shit. There’s bad cgi trying to do a lot of heavy lifting and it doesn’t work.

The cat’s cute though.

And following the logic here, did Cavill and Cena constantly want/were to fuck/fucking each other in the books?

I think I might grow a soft spot for this once it hits TBS or somethin’.

That King’s Man credits scene was fucking stupid.

C

This is a story that is constantly getting bored with itself. Actually calling it a story is being too generous. It is more of a series of twists that eventually end on a crossover cliffhanger. The original premise is completely ditched about halfway through the movie and yet it continues on with its tongue and cheek wink/wink style anyways. Vaughn still knows how to stage a visually spectacular action scene, but there's not much happening other than that.

3/10

If this is a Kingsman movie then does that mean Sam Jackson's character survived his head exploding and became a good guy after?

The first two thirds were reasonable but the oil figure skating, smoke fight, music box hypnosis just completely fell apart. I feel like $150M of the $200M they spend on this movie was in the part that stunk (the endless action sequences that had no point but seemed someone wanted them in). Then Cavill at the end.

The first 2/3 was passable. The two leads did work well together when they were in escape mode. When they were in solving the mystery mode it was rather dull.

The best performance in the movie is probably the cat. It made the dramatic appearance when it needed to but just stayed in its backpack since it knew better than to care about what was going on.