Looking ahead. Being positive. Have you drawn up a rebound list yet?

Not into that right now.

Rebounds are always a bad idea, IMO.

Getting through today (anniversary) is a fucking pain.

Sorry to hear about this Lecter.

I guess all you can do now is;

a.) see if she comes to her senses after your talk and;
b.) focus on yourself and how to get yourself out of this rut an move on if need be.

Its also a good chance to take a step back and re-assess if you really do want to get back into this relationship or if you may in fact be better off ending this chapter in your life (this is hard to see right now and clarity only comes after time and distance).

All the best.

Thanks.

That has basically been one of the main things on my mind in the past few days (whenever I am not just suffering and wallowing in self-pity) and frankly, I do not know/see the answer right now, as you said.

It sounds like what happened might be for the best, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. I mean, I take from this story that you can be a bit closed off and she doesn't know how to deal with it and... well, I think you deserve to be someone who wants you for you. Not saying you shouldn't be a bit more (I'm guessing emotionally) open, because that's sort of important in a relationship, but it doesn't sound like she's the one you should be working on that with, since she chose to break things off instead of trying to break through. Someone who really loves you would have made more of an effort, so this sounds like something you should work on for you, and by yourself for the time being.

Maybe she did work on it with him but five years is just too much of her life to focus on something with no improvement. She's better off without him if he's an emotional brick wall. Maybe he can find a nice blowup doll since then both would be putting the same amount into the relationship.

A French girl and a German-Russian guy. I mean, it was never destined to work out. One is typically amorous and extrovert, the other typically cold and introvert.

Well I won't pretend to know that much about breakups, but consider whether the hints about being emotionally closed off is something to look at improving for reasons beyond just trying to convince a girl. Or at the least it may help with future girls if things don't work out with her

Just to clear up some potential misunderstandings:

I am not very emotionally closed off. Not being "open" referred to me not liking to talk about my thoughts on my professional future and me not talking much about my family that I am not in that great of a relation with. I simply didn't talk about certain things, though I was always open to talk about feelings. I was the amorous and extrovert in the relationship, she the introvert. Absolutely no doubt about that (and she would agree). I'd say, in the end, our emotional investment was about equal. It is just that in he ropinion we did not "build" enough for ourselves together in that time and that the foundation for a relationship is lacking now. I disagree.

What exactly was she hoping to build with you? Did she ever bring up these sorts of things, like... I don't know, moving in together, getting married or breeding together?

Moving in together was one of the big things. You need some background on that, though.

We've been living together for a bit over two years until the summer of 2014 when we hit our first rough patch. She felt like our vastly different sleeping patterns (I tend to work at night) and me beeing too untidy, leaving most of the household chores to her made living together difficult. However, circumstances have been difficult in general back then because she was looking for a new employment and going through a phase of mild depression. Another big thing was that we did not move in together, but she moved into my place. Psychologically that means that she had no say in choosing our living quarters and had to adapt to my living situation.

She moved out and that actually did wonders for both of us. My work got better and our relationship after a short while too. She started missing me fast and basically we saw each other almost every day each week (unless one of us was travelling for work) and she usually stayed over at my place one or two nights a week.

About 5-6 months after she had moved out she suggested that we look for something new to move in together, but at that point my website was really taking off and I was working around the clock, so I declined and suggested we do this a few months later. When I brought it up again 5 months later or so, it was her who declined because her contract ends at the end of this year and she doesn't know whether she will be able to secure a new one or will have to look for a new job elsewhere, maybe in a different city. Later it has started to become clear that she would probably be able to stay here, but she still didn't want to move in together anymore because she thought that if we did all the same issues we had before would arise as I was still too disorganized and untitdy. I explained that, sure, I am when I am living on my own because when I am living on my own I think I can live whichever way I desire, but that I could do it differently if we were living together, for both of us. But she wanted me to do it differently for myself, intrinsically, not just for her/us.

So, yeah, that was a roadblock. As for marriage/kids both of us were on the same page of "not sure, maybe, at some point way in the future".

When will the revenge porn pics be available at the usual sites?

Fucking hell, Lecter. Talk about a soap opera!

That? No way. 2011 my life was a real soap opera, 90210-style. This is nothing in comparison.

Tomorrow it will be a week. Not sure when to make contact next. My finger has been itching to dial the number every minute of each day, but I know better...

What's wrong with you? Why are you so afraid to show your real desires?

Huh?

You want to call. So call.

That simply would not be smart.

Oh my God. Stupid idiots and their stupid lives with their stupid rules.

So instead of doing what you want to do, you're going to torture yourself by counting the days that have passed since you broke up. That sounds like an excellent idea.

Frankly, I am just drawing from experience. There is nothing I can do or say at this very moment to change the situation, as much as I want to talk to her. In the end, she must make the decision. And for that people need time. Hell, I need time because I also have decisions to make. I want to talk to her, but I am not sure what to say or suggest anyway. The one time before we hit a rough patch, we agreed to leave each other alone for two weeks, but initially I broke the contact pause after 3-4 days by calling her and that certainly wasn't well-received at all. Once I actually left her alone for a while, she was much more receptive to whatever I had to say afterwards (and in fact approached me first). Not saying the circumstances are identical, they are not, but apart from a peace of mind that would last for ten minutes, I don't think I can gain anything by calling her right away.

I see. You're still clinging to the hope of getting back together. Dude, forget it. It's over. Move on.