not one of his best but as someone just sent this to me, here goes.

George Carlin on New Orleans

"Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about
the
bullshit going on in New Orleans, so here it goes. For the people of
New
Orleans... First we would like to say: Sorry for your loss. With that
said,
let's go through a few hurricane ! rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we
know
it's
coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that... Get the hell out. Don't
blame
the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said
anything, I
can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your
fault,
not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car,
you can
get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables.
If you
didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some.
(Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them
alone.)

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your
neighbor's TV and stereo alone. See #2a) They worked ! hard to get
their
stuff. Just because they w! ere smar t enough to leave during a
mandatory
evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's
theirs,
not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then
complain
no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumb ass
who
didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your
belongings
are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does
want
them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just
leave
it! (It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them.)
!
#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a
sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go
to
rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house
on
quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country
some
good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al
Sharpton
want you to believe... the US Government didn't create the Hurricane
as a
way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia
as a
way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming
that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for
over a
million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is
the
land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for
what you
want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and
stop
spooning off the people who are actually working for a living.
President
Kennedy said it best ..." Ask not what your country can do for you,
ask wha!
t
you can do for your country."

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Nothing personal but while reading that I thought that doesn't sound like Carlin, Carlin would be sticking up for the poor people, that sounds like aright wing diatribe. It sounds more like Anne Coulter than Carlin.

So I searched and found this. http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/b ... _rules.htm

Bottom line, it's not Carlin.

Yup. What you said. It's on his official website, as well.

Yup. What you said. It's on his official website, as well.

For Goldie:

"Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.

Also: in football, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.

In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.

Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.

I enjoy comparing baseball and football:

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.

Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?

In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.

In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.

Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.

Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.

In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!"

Thanks for posting this. It is even better when he ad-libs it. I remember a couple of other lines that aren't in the above.