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 KJ User's Bottom 50 Films: DIB2 
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The Lubitsch Touch
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38. Life of David Gale (2003)-On the other side of the political spectrum, we have this liberal filmmaking that may not reach the way-the-hell-below-sea-level depths of Hanoi Hilton, but it veers dangerously close.

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Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:46 pm
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Bump

So, can I make a list? I didn't even know this thread existed until now, I have a lot of bad movies in my head.

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:31 pm
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Shack wrote:
Bump

So, can I make a list? I didn't even know this thread existed until now, I have a lot of bad movies in my head.


Sure. Start away.

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:49 pm
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I have been avoiding this because all I can really do is list the top 50 worst films I have seen. I am sure Battlefield Earth and Gigli and Swept Away and Dungeons and Dragons are crap, and that's why I never went to see them. Life is too short to watch crappy films on purpose. So should I participate?

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:59 pm
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I have about 30 down, I'll finish it up and start it most likely later tonight.

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:00 pm
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Groucho wrote:
I have been avoiding this because all I can really do is list the top 50 worst films I have seen. I am sure Battlefield Earth and Gigli and Swept Away and Dungeons and Dragons are crap, and that's why I never went to see them. Life is too short to watch crappy films on purpose. So should I participate?


Certainly, its KJ User's, aka films that you have seen that were terrible. ;)

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Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:45 pm
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Passion of the Christ will be in my top 10, namely 1 through 10.


Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:56 pm
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Slap Your Willie Around wrote:
Passion of the Christ will be in my top 10, namely 1 through 10.


I suppose that is a sign-up?

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Sun Mar 26, 2006 3:56 am
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WORST FILMS I HAVE SEEN

Mind you, I tend to try to avoid films that look like they are going to be bad. So that's why many classic "bad films" are not on my list -- because I have never seen them. Why torture myself?

What is good about bad films is that they generally disappear over time. Most of the lists I have seen here have lots of newer films on them, and that's not because they are making more bad films these days -- it's that the bad ones from the past don't get shown again, don't get released on DVD, and disappear like they should.

Here's my list, in alphabetical order because it's difficult to say one is worse than another.

Armageddeon
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Just awful in every way. Insulting to the intelligence-awful.

Around the World in 80 Days
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The original version, although the Jackie Chan one wasn't that much better. How to take a great story and make it boring.

Barbarella
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Despite Jane Fonda at her hottest and semi-nude throughout the thing, it's not even funny enough to be the semi-satire it is trying to be.

Batman and Robin
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Actually, I have to admit, I never watched the whole thing. 20 minutes was enough. As Mark Twain once said to an author who complained that Twain hadn't read his entire book "I don't have to eat the entire egg to know that it's rotten."

Boy Did I Get a Wrong Number!
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When Bob Hope was good, he was very good, but in the 60s and 70s, he produced a ton of crappy films, this one being the worst. I remember seeing this on late night TV as a teenager and saying "This is crappy" but I watched it anyway, because Elke Sommer wore next to nothing for most of it. Still, the crappiness of it has stayed with me all these years.

Caligula
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I was living in Boston when this was released and banned. I finally saw it years later on video. How did they convince these good actors to be in such a bad porn film? It's not erotic at all, and rambles all over the place.

Cat Women of the Moon
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Even if you have never seen it, I bet you can figure out the plot!

Cold Turkey
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This was a film with a great comedy cast with a story about a town having to give up cigarettes for some reason, and how everyone acts when they go through withdrawal. Sound funny? Of course not, and it wasn't.

Destroy All Monsters
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Sometimes Godzilla films are guilty pleasures. This one is just so fucked up as to be completly incomprehensible and stupid.

More to come...

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Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:51 pm
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Oops, was I supposed to wait for Shack? I just realized his name was at the top. I thought it was just post yours when you want...

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Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:53 pm
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double post, sorry

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Last edited by Groucho on Mon Mar 27, 2006 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:53 pm
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You can go first, I'm still not done mine yet.

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Sun Mar 26, 2006 11:54 pm
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OK then here are my next ten, in alphabetical order.

Dune
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Looks great, but commits the biggest sin a movie can make: be boring. the voice-overs explaining everything makes it all worse.


Eyes Wide Shut
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Same as above, but without the voice-overs. Pretentious, too, just like Dune.

Get Crazy!
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"Say Goodbye to Your Brain" is an appropriate tag line. Malcolm McDowell as a rock star named "Reggie Wanker" and his boring adventurers that are supposed to be funny. Lou Reed was good, though.

Hair
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A movie about hippies singing songs no real hippie would ever be caught listening to. (And to make it worse, the film didn't come out till like 1980 or something, after this was all not even fun nostalgia.) It would be like having the Young Republicans make a movie about Malcolm X.

Howard the Duck
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What were they thinking? I know this is on a lot of different "worst" lists, and there is a very good reason.

Independence Day
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I make a distinction between mindless entertainment (such as most Bond films) and films that insult my intelligence, especially ones that ignore science, and seem to have been written from the "Scriptwriter's Guide of Cliches". (See Armaggedon)

Jesus Christ Superstar
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The music is not bad, but the sheer pretentiousness of the production is insulting.

Kindergarten Cop
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I'm positive the Gov has made worse movies, but I haven't seen them, and I had to have at least one Schwarzenneger film here. This one tries to combine a kid's film with violence that should never be seen in a kid's film. Bad mixture.

Monkeybone
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I really wanted to like this. I enjoyed the concept and the way it was designed, but it was just plain stupid, with sitcom acting (what the hell happened to Whoopi Goldberg? Wasn't she good at one time?). What a waste.

Mrs. Miniver
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One of those classic award-winning films that meant a lot at the time but are just plain boring now. Acting is good, but who cares?

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 1:22 pm
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Groucho,

Dune, Independence Day, Jesus Christ Superstar, Mrs. Miniver, Armageddeon. Around the World in 80 Days, Batman & Robin and Caligula are all rotten to the core. Good choices.

But I do like Eyes Wide Shut, especially the haunting orgy sequence.

I need to see Hair. I love 'awful' musicals almost more than good ones. Like Newsies, or A Chorus Line, or John Huston's Annie. Each one is so ill-conceived, so cheesy, that I can't get enough.

But some bad musicals, generally those that take themselves too seriously (Jesus Christ Superstar, Phantom of the Opera) are just terrible; there's no fun to be had.

Which category does Hair fall into?

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 1:52 pm
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Hair is one of those awful films that fall into the category of non-hip people thinking they are being hip. You know, like when 50 year old white Hollywood executives produce a young urban film and have the actors all talking some sort of jive talk that hasn't been used in 20 years. It's that bad.

I liked Newsies, but mostly for the music. It also takes itself too seriously. Really, it's hard to take any musical seriously when people are singing and dancing in the street. Musical and drama together in a film is very hard to do -- even though operas have been doing them for many years, it has a different feel when on the stage.

I'll post more later when I get home from work.

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 5:36 pm
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I like Eyes Wide Shut.
:|


Mon Mar 27, 2006 5:52 pm
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The next ten:

Old Dracula
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This was hurredly made after the success of "Young Frankenstein" and tried to pretend it was in the same league. It wasn't, and died with a stake through its heart. Even the great David Niven couldn't save it.

Popeye
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The casting was good (Shelly Duvall was born to play Olive Oyl), the look was good, but Nilsson's dreary music and the unusual choice of Robert Altman to direct made this, well, not at all fun. And Popeye should be fun!

Quest for Fire
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A bunch of cavemen try to find fire. That's it, aren't you intrigued? Really bad. (Hey, I should have included the film "Caveman" starruing Ringo Starr on this list! Oh well.) I like the way the cavewomen can't speak but they can all get their hair done nicely and have their legs shaved.

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins!
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The apparently thought this would lead to a series, but the adventure ended just as it began. How could it fail with Fred Ward as an action hero, Joel Gray as an ancient Chinese teacher, and Wilford Brimley. I mean, really -- Wilford Brimley! What else does this film need, anyway?

Robot Monster
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An Ed Wood classic, with the monster being a fat guy in a gorilla suit wearing a space helmet. The special effects for his secret, science-filled cave includes some sort of wand and lots of bubbles. Not funny enough to be watchable in a campy sort of way, like Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
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A cold war allegory which of course, all children want to watch. Absolutely insulting, boring, and with lots of scenes that make you go "What the hell was that all about?"

Scooby Doo
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Zoinks! I thought this could have been funny, if played more as a satire, but aside from the great opening scene with Shaggy in the van while smoke comes out, it never really reaches its potential. Instead, it's forgettable trash. Probably as bad as the live-action Flintstones, which I never watched.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
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Noted actors The Bee Gees and Peter Frampton play the band, butchering wonderful Beatles music that seems to have been string together in some semblance of a story, the way Broadway is now treating Billy Joel and other rock stars. Absolutely awful.

Space Jam
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The worst animated film ever, because it was done completely for marketing purposes. "Hey, the kids like basketball, let's get some basketball players in there. And rap music! Yeah, when you think of the Looney Toons, you always think of rap music. Oh, and have Bill Murray make a cameo! He's hot with the children." The characters don't act like they should, and hell, it could have been Popeye rather than Bugs Bunny for all Bug's personality was there. Excrutiatingly painful. Only good line: Daffy says "Why not call the team 'the ducks'?" Bugs replies: "What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name its team 'the ducks'?"

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 6:59 pm
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Hah, remember loving Remo when friend showed it to me on that super new hi tech thingie called vcr.

Now, have no idea what was that movie about.


Remember Dune though, and still like it.


Mon Mar 27, 2006 7:23 pm
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OK, now here we're gonna get some complaints.

Stargate
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This film had lots of problems. First of all, it didn't know what it wanted to be. It started off as a fine hard SF mystery, then turned into an exploration film, then a silly "evil aliens who have great technology but still need slaves" story.

Star Trek V: The Final Fronteir
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Letting Shatner direct was a terrible mistake. And then characters act completly unlike they had done previously -- what's with this smiling Vulcan who just coincidentally happens to be Spock's brother? Just one dumb thing after another, and terrible acting.

Star Wars I, II, and III
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I wanted to like these films, I really did, and I kept saying "Well, the next one will be better" and they never were. Lucas lost the fun that was the original films and replaced it with stilted dialogue, dumb acting, a "force" found in the bloodstream, and a plotline that we already knew the ending to. Special effects were more important than anything else, and because I had such high hopes, I was destroyed as my hopes were dashed again and again.

Stardust Memories
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Woody as his most pretentious. Like we should care about the worries and problems of this rich, spoiled filmmaker who hates his fans.

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
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Another warning about what happens when you let your actors have a say in the script. Superman battles "Nuclear Man" who is solar powered (and apparently can carry humans into space who can still breathe), so Superman saves the day by moving the freaking moon to cause an eclipse! No harm to the earth's oceans and tides with that, of course! Argh!

The Buster Keaton Story
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Buster Keaton was a genius, so it is painful to watch this terrible film which has practically nothing to do with his life and can not even come close to providing the laughs he could. He must have hated watching it.

The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu
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Right after Peter Sellers made the great "Being There" (for which he should have won the Oscar -- no wait, he should have won it for Dr. Strangelove), he made this, his last film. What a sad swan song. Racist and unfunny even though Seller tries his best.

The Last Remake of Beau Geste
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Marty Feldman led this silly remake as a satire, even inserting scenes from the original film that he talked to, but it never went anywhere. Almost as bad as his last film, "Yellowbeard" which almost made my list!

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 8:07 pm
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Well, I loved Episode III.

Episode I was truly shit though.

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 8:09 pm
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Shack wrote:
Well, I loved Episode III.

Episode I was truly shit though.


III was the best of the lot. They got better as they went along, but you know, if they hadn't been Star Wars and had just been some other space adventure, I'd bet they wouldn't have done 1 tenth of the amount of business.

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 8:12 pm
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Here's the last of them.

The Nude Bomb
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Bomb is right. I loved the old Get Smart show, but when they made this film about 10 years after the show had been cancelled, it killed off my love. Mel Brooks and Buck Henry had nothing to do with it, and they completely ignored Max's wife Agent 99. None of the other actors were back either (The Chief, Laraby, Hymie the robot).

The Sword and the Sorceror
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Made to cash in on Conan, this dungeons and dragons type epic has lots of flesh and action, but not much else. Xena and Hercules mined this much much better later on. This is just bad acting, bad direction, and bad scriptwriting.

The Tin Drum
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See, there's this kid? And he decides not to grow old as he sees the atrocities the Nazis do before WWII, right? And he has this tin drum he plays, which (according to IMDB) "symbolizes his protest against the middle-class mentality of his family and neighborhood, which stand for all passive people in Nazi Germany at that time", see? And, oh, um, never mind.

They Might Be Giants
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Good acting, but an incredibly disappointing and silly film about mental patients searching, using a Don Quixote metaphor ("They might be windmills, but then again, they might be giants") George C. Scott plays a guy who thinks he is Sherlock Holmes in modern day (1970s) New York who gets other people to follow him as he tries to solve a mystery and then... the film just ends. I threw things at the screen. More symbolism.

Three Women
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Another Altman film. He either makes great films or these. This is just a boring character study that never seems to go anywhere. Acting is great, but acting alone cannot carry a film. Sorry, I was snoozing.

Thunderbirds
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Thunderbirds are go! They said that many times in this puppet movie and I still don't know what it means. Boring and stupid. Rather than have these guys walk (which look silly) they ride moving chairs everywhere, and the film shows us every damn placement -- none of this fast cut from scene to scene, if they are going from their office to the space ship, we're gonna see it in real time! The characters also say "F.A.B." a lot, and I told the people we were watching this with that it probably stood for "Funderbirds Are Bo."

Tomb Raider
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Man, I could look at this poster forever, but the film was just loud and stupid. You know what, though? Now that I think about it, I want to replace this one with another Jolie film:

Mr. and Mrs. Smith
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Same kind of problems: Good guys who always hit the thousands of bad guys shooting at them, and a script full of coincidences that are so hard to believe as to make it mind-boggling.

Under the Cherry Moon
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Pretentious Prince. Bad acting. Good soundtrack album, though. Best bit: character holds up two shirts on hangers and says "Which one should I wear?" "The blue one!" Prince replies, as the guy looks back and forth uneasily between the two shirts, unable to tell in the black-and-white film which one is blue.

Which Way to the Front?
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Jerry Lewis has made many crappy films, but this one is one of the worst. Lewis plays a rich man who wants to fight the Nazis but is 4F so he makes his own army of six from other rejects, gets behind enemy lines, impersonates a German soldier and tries to kill Hitler. Of course, the Germans always speak English with bad accents, so it was easy to do. Then they go after the Japanese, complete with buck teeth and squinty eyes. Painful to watch.

Zardoz
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Yeah, that's Sean Connery, dealing with a giant floating stone head, who learns that the gun is good but the penis is bad. Name comes from the WiZard of Oz, get it? Weird and terrible, but good for MST3000 fun with a bunch of drunk friends.

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Mon Mar 27, 2006 8:52 pm
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No comments, eh? Is that a good thing?

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Tue Mar 28, 2006 4:33 pm
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Don't wont to curse you for SW prequels, but kudos for putting worst Star Trek experience ever on your list. ;-)


Tue Mar 28, 2006 4:57 pm
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I love Stargate, Armageddon, Star Wars II and III and especially Independence Day.


I haven't seen most of the rest (your age shows with these picks, hehe). Hopefully that didn't sound offensive.

Scooby Doo is mediocre, the sequel is one of the worst films ever. Eyes Wide Shut is merely decent, but it had good ideas. Tomb Raider is mediocre. Batman and Robin is bad, yeah. Howard the Duck is my guilty pleasure. Mr. and Mrs. Smith is okay.

That's it for those I have seen.

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