The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

This is the sort of neo-Aryan propaganda that would make Adolf Hitler proud, with practically every major character having piercing blue eyes. Not all of them are tall or blond-haired, however, just so it would not appear so obvious. But look at all those who have the piercing blue eyes: Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Gandalf, Legolas, Gladriel, Gollum, at least one of those bumbling Hobbit fools with the grating accents, and I'm probably missing some. The movie is even shot like a Nazi propaganda film, with all the triumphant shots of the fair-skinned, blue-eyed goody-goodies triumphing over the non-gentile, dark-skinned, hook-nosed bad guys. Not to mention the undertones of Nazism, with all the Aryan peoples uniting under one banner to destroy the dark-skinned menace that will contaminate the pure white race. The only thing that seperates this thing from being a full-blown neo-Nazi picture is the extreme homoeroticism of the whole thing, with openly gay Ian McKellan waving his "staff" around to kick people's asses, and the journey of Frodo and Sam, who look like they want to embrace each other in each shot they share.

So, the plot is like this, Frodo and Sam are trekking closer and closer to Mordor with Gollum, to destroy the Ring that brought Sauron and his minions (symbolic of the Jews, being this is Nazistic propaganda), while the Aryan warriors fight off the dark-skinned menace in Gondor. Eventually the Ring (which all of Mordor and it's inhabitants need to survive, symbolic of the Nazi belief that the Jews control the media and are largely rich, and thus need the media and money to thrive) is destroyed, themes of Aryanism, sacrifice, friendship, blah blah blah.

Really, nobody gives a shit about the plot. The whole movie is an exercise in tedious, subliminal Nazi propaganda (no wonder the movie was gigantic in Germanic and Norse countries), and people will either see it for that or the special effects. But the movie is overall dull, unless you are the type who gets off to sweaty warriors, Hitler's speeches, or highly intricate but ultimately overdone art direction.

The book was written by J.R.R. Tolkien, a fine author who after watching this in Heaven is weeping. The fault clearly goes on Peter Jackson, a hairy lardass from New Zealand, who directed this. He turns a fine good-vs.-evil tale into a bombastic piece of Nazi propaganda, yet the public embraces it and doesn't realise the subtly added messages in it are dangerous.

This movie sucks.

2/10.

Just don't give up your day job to be a reviewer, Lyrik :razz:

Hehe

It's funny 'cause it's true.

Makeshift, your avatar is freaking sweet.

Thanks. I like it. I love the smoke effect. Infact, the whole smoking theme in Constantine was great. I've never seen a film that portrayed chain smoking as a bad thing. Normally, when chain smoking is in films, it has no effect and the character is uber cool and does uber cool things with their lighter and cigs. Constantine coughs up blood a lot and has lungs filled with cancer. I loved the close up of the Surgeon General Warning on the burning pack of cigs.

that review is hilarious