1. White Noise (this could quite possibly remain my #1 worst for good, no matter how many other films I watch. This movie was dreadful, and an absolute pain to watch sometimes. It wasn't even entertaining; it was boring as hell and just went on. The ending is one of the most ridiculous I have ever seen, and it's unbelievable to me that marketing actually made this film look good.)
2. Fantastic Four
3. Hide and Seek
4. The Ring Two
5. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

That's all for now. My next "worst" is Constantine so far out of films that I have
actually seen, but even I found that film pretty entertaining. The rest of the films
I have seen don't deserve to be on a "worst list". Generally, I am very good at
spotting crappers from a mile away, but my "worst" list will build nicely once I rent a lot
of films or just happen to randomly watch them somewhere (i.e. with a friend who has terrible taste in films, hehe).

PEACE, Mike.

Here is my top 10 list of the worst movies I have seen in 2005!

1. The Longest Yard: **1/2
2. Hitchhiker's Guide: **1/2
3. War of the Worlds: ***
4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: ***
5. Walk the Line: ***1/2
6. Star Wars: ***1/2
7. Batman Begins: ***1/2
8. 40-Year Old Virgin: ***1/2
9. Sin City: ****

Well, it didn't take long for an update:

10. Ice Princess
9. Zathura
8. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
7. Kicking and Screaming
6. Rebound
5. The Transporter 2
4. Elektra
3. Unleashed
2. The Ring 2
1. The Legend of Zorro

1. Elektra
2. Be Cool
3. Madagascar
4. The Ring Two
5. Hide and Seek
6. The Pacifier
7. Kingdom of Heaven
8. Are we there yet?
9. White Noise
10. Flightplan

Sorry about that Zing.

Baumer's worst of 2005
Well, maybe we can make this the KJ worst of thread. I don't have the time right now to get into why these are my choices, but I do have my reasons.

I'll give explanations tomorrow, but just saffice to say that these are pretty bad films.

10) Longest Yard - I actually somewhat enjoyed the film, but it was actually a weak effort. With all the talent involved, it should have been much funnier and much more entertaining. Also with the wrestlers involved, many of whom have oodles of charisma, much more time should have been given to them.

9) Sin City- I know I am clearly in the minority on this one, and as much as I like Robert Rodriguez, this film, like Kill Bill was all style and substance. The story was about as cliche as possible and there was nothing more to the film than some innovative photography. That doesn't make a film great, it makes it different, but far from great.

8) The Interpreter - How does a film starring Sean Penn and Nicole Kidman and is directed by the venerable Sydney Pollack suck so bad? Easy, you make the story about as interesting as watching paint dry. When a political assasination turns out to be a red herring for what the film is really about, you know you are trouble. The acting was fine but the film was pretty damn boring.

7) Hitch Maybe this should be in my tenth slot because it wasn't a terrible film, it was so mediocre and with Smith being involved, I was very disappointed with it. Smith is one of my fave comedic actors and this one was just so bland. So it makes my top ten.

6) Dukes of Hazard One of the stupidest and most inept films I've ever seen. I realize you don't have to make a remake of the show, but this nto only wasn't a remake of the show, it had nothing to do with the show. Bo and Luke have no an ounce of the spunk they did on the show, they story lines are way off and every major character in the film is pretty much an ass. And what is up with Roscoe being a tough southern redneck. This film should actually be higher on my list as I really hated it, but then again, the ones ahead of it are even worse.

5) Alone in the Dark- Does anything really need to be said?

4) Sahara - I wanted to like this flick. I really did. But it was one of the most boring action films ever. The characters were likable but the adventure they went on was borderline amatuerish. There really wasn't much to it either except for the fact that it was really a film warning us about ecological damage that might occur with oil spills and such. Whatever it was about it just didn't resonate with me.

3) Dark WAter Take the writer of The Ring, take a young girl and drown her in a big tub of water, take the ghost of that girl haunting the apartment for no apparent reason and you have Dark Water, the second most inept horror film of the year. I realize The Fog is still to come, but that isn't so much inept as it is just a bad film. This was so much of a carbon copy of the Ring that it was about as transparent as a saran wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The problem is, is that you cannot copy the Ring. You can't even emulate it, and that what the producers did here. They just figured that it worked the first time, it'll work this time as well. And what we are left with is about as bad a film as you can get.

2) The Fog This is just bad, plain bad. I hope the producers paid Hill and Carpenter an exorbitant amount of money to obtain the rights to the film because this is just a piss poor film. There was nothing scary about and nothing good about except for Maggie from Lost. She has a great ass, but the film is all ass.

1) Ring Two One of the biggest disappointments in cinematic history!, 23 September 2005

Author: Dan Grant (dan.grant@bell.ca) from Toronto, Ontario


I have always believed that the horror genre is the most difficult to master. To make an effective horror film takes an amalgamation of talent, luck and one intangible that most cannot figure out. To me, you have to love the genre and you have to have little studio interference. Films like Halloween, Last House on the Left, Evil Dead, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre were all low budget and independent films and all were pioneers of the genre. All were also emancipated from any studio intervention which more often than not can destroy a director's vision. I would think that somewhere in Urban Legend and The Haunting's vernacular was a good film until the morons who knew nothing about film got a hold of it.

I mention all of this as a precursor to the review because The Ring was a modern day miracle. It was the scariest horror film in twenty years and it was a studio project. I honestly never thought that a film made by Dreamworks would touch a nerve in the way it did. But with direction by Gore Verbinski and Ehren Krueger writing one of the best scripts I've ever been privy to, The Ring scared the hell out of me.

To do a follow up was almost a no win situation. Not since Nightmare on Elm Street 2 has there been a more disappointing sequel than this one. I don't know where to lay the blame, because Ehren Krueger, whom I respect very much, returned to pen the sequel and you have the director of the Japanese film that started it all, helming this one. So where does the blame fall? Was it the studio who interfered too vehemently? Was it that the Japanese original was that inferior to the Dreamworks version? Or is it just that lightning doesn't strike twice in most films? I'm not sure what the answer is to that perplexing question, all I know is that this is about as much of a true dichotomy from the first. You can't get any further apart.

Naomi Watts is adequate as Rachael and David Dorfman is passable as Aidan, but the continuation of Samara story is perhaps the weak link here. In the original, she was an enigma. Her story was such a mystery that it kept you guessing as to what she was and where she came from. There was a blend of The Changeling and a bit of The Shining all rolled into one. A sequel succeeds when it extends the story, not just retells it. There was no continuation of the story here. No one bothered to explain why Samara can come through the TV and petrify you to death. No one bothered to explain why she is still haunting people through videocassettes. No one bothered to explain anything. Now maybe some are okay with that. Maybe a mystery should remain a mystery. But if you can get past the regression of the story, then what is even more disturbing is that there is nothing remotely disturbing, interesting or scary about the film, and everything that was freaky about Samara in the first one is now like watching Scooby Doo and mystery of Samara. There is no fear of her now. There is nothing remotely disturbing about her. Maybe I was expecting too much, but this film is one of the weakest sequels I have ever seen. If they decide to make a third, they had better go back to their roots and get Verbinski back.

Is it wrong to expect this much from a sequel? Maybe. But then again, there are sequels that can match the original, if not surpass it. At least two of the Friday the 13th sequels surpass the original and if you are talking non horror, then you can also add films like Lethal Weapon 2, Bourne Supremacy and of course classics like Terminator 2, Aliens, Godfather II and Empire Strikes Back to the list of sequels that either equaled or surpassed the original. Now in my opinion, Nakata is not on the same level as Cameron, Lucas or even Copolla, so there is no reason to believe that he can create a better film that Verbinski did. But suffice to say that everything that made the first such a paradigm for years to come, has vanished in this one. It is truly unfortunate as it feels like too many politicians in this one threw their hat into the ring and tried to make changes that did nothing but give us another Nightmare on Elm Street 2.

And that is a shame.

2/10

Ha! 4 of 10 of your worst list are on my "favorites for 2005 list.

I didn't like reliving the year, but whatever:

10 Elizabethtown
9 North Country
8 Miss Congeniality 2 (Which I saw against my will, but it was free)
7 The Island
6 Crash
5 Robots
4 The Ring Two
3 Be Cool
2 Kicking & Screaming
1 Monster-In-Law

Not that I liked leaving off some very worthy contenders. Like Hitch. And Mr. & Mrs. Smith. And Madagascar. And The Interpreter. And it goes on.

I'm not revisiting to list just yet, but the definitely worst three are...

Yours, Mine and Ours (F) - Painfully bad, painfully predictable, and painfully family unfriendly. Sure, kids will like it, but parents will not find a thing to enjoy about this film. So, it's family unfriendly. Dennis Quaid should be shot for doing this.

Aeon Flux (F) - Boring. Nothing likeable whatsoever. Poor Charlize.

Alone in the Dark (F) - Rented it. Took me THREE days to finally finish it. I contemplated re-watching all at once, but I chose to claw my own eyes out instead. Best decision of my life.

And, since some are obviously more intelligent than I am, I'll save you the trouble of answering your question of "Well, why did you see these in the first place? You obviously weren't going to like them!" I'll answer that question with three reasons: my parents, Elektra, and Christian Slater. Parents went to see YM&O, and I went too. I liked Elektra, figured I'd like Aeon Flux. Christian Slater is usually a good actor. Wrongest choices ever.

10The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
09Elizabethtown
08Constantine
07The Longest Yard
06The Fantastic Four
05Transporter 2
04The Island
03Derailed
02Hitch
01Ice Harvest

somein like that

What a coincidence. All 9 of those movies are on my favorites of 2005 top 10 list!

Haha! Squee has only seen 9 movies this year...

Poor Squee.

A History of Violence is the worst movie of 2005. By far. What a terrible movie! An incredibly overrated piece of garbage. No plot, boring, pretentious, predictable, inappropriate soundtrack, the sex scenes have no point and the end... what end?? What's the purpose of the William Hurt character again?? Cronenberg wanted to do some Tarantino??
I've never been so bore in my whole life. And did I say this movie has no plot? Who ever wrote it needs to be fired! You don't even need to watch the movie, the trailer is actually better. All the movie is in the trailer!!

I gave it a C- because I really like Ed Harris and I feel bad for Viggo, but honestly it deserves a D-.
My first Cronenberg movie and for the moment I think the man is a fraud and a voyeur. And I WANT MY MONEY BACK!! I mean at least Elizabethtown has some good music (too much music)!!
Seriously people need to stop reading too deep in what is just a bad movie.

New, Updated List of 2005's Cinematic Garbage:

1. Kids in America - Yuck. Awful, pretentious, pedestrian film about free-speech.
2. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers - Just plain horrid.
3. Alone in the Dark - Ditto.
4. Monster In-Law - Really bad film that somehow did really well at the box office.
5. Sin City - Pretentious, dull film that's highly overrated.
6. The Interpreter - Once again, ditto.
7. The Honeymooners - Really, what does this have to do with the source material?
8. Fantastic 4 - Played okay the first time I saw but I couldn't even get through it the second time it was so dull.
9. Ice Harvest - Dull, almost plotless bore.
10. Brothers Grimm - Overblown tripe.
11. Aeon Flux - Excrutiating excuse for an actioner with poor performances by multiple Oscar winners.

10The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
09Elizabethtown
08Constantine
07The Longest Yard
06The Fantastic Four
05Transporter 2
04The Island
03Derailed
02Hitch
01Ice Harvest
00Mr. X: 2


UPDATEd, Man, the original (From last year) was one of my fave's of the year...why'd they ruin it with this unnecessary, unfunny, un-not-stupid sequel?! : (

Easily the years worst.

In other worse, shush yor face, X.

So far:

King Kong
War of the Worlds
Robots
Walk the Line
Jarhead
Batman Begins
House of Wax
North Country
The Ice Harvest

Top 3:

1. The Dukes of Hazzard
2. Boogeyman
3. The Bridge of San Luis Rey


These were the true stinckers I saw - the only "good" thing is that I didn't have to pay to see these..

5. Flightplan
4. Son of the Mask
3. Alone in the Dark
2. Elektra
1. Aeon Flux

1. Son of the Mask- F
2. Alone in the Dark- D-
3. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo- D-
4. The Dukes of Hazzard- D
5. Are We There Yet?- D+
6. Boogeyman- D+
7. Chicken Little- C-
8. Madagascar- C-
9. Elektra- C-
10. Bewitched- C-

Barely missing the List
Sin City (C), Stealth (C), Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (C), Constantine (C)

I've only seen two truly terrible films this year. They are Fantastic 4 and Bewitched. F4 makes my all-time top 5 worst list though.

1. Monster-in-Law
2. Fantastic Four
3. Madagascar
4. The Ring Two
5. Fun with Dick and Jane

3 worst:

3. The Ringer
2. The Ice Harvest
1. SYRIANA (syri- ously- boring- a)

10. Imaginary Heroes
9. High Tension
8. Madagascar
7. Hide and Seek
6. Cursed
5. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo
4. Robots
3. White Noise
2. Elektra
1. Alone in the Dark