Every since I was a child, I had psychic abilities. I can basically read people's minds when it comes to their list of worst films of all time. I'm currently possessed by the bombastic spirit of Shanika. Picture:
I shall thus, against my will and your wishes, channel through her 100 Worst Films of All Time
#100 The Shawshank Redemption
This film is about a whimpy white man and a gay old black man who come to an understanding about life. Please! If I want to know how it feels like to be in a prison, I'll just ask a convict, ok? The film also stars David Proval, whom nobody cares about. In conclusion, it's a horrible movie. Also, there's a lot of Euro-pop in it. Be warned!
#99 Manos: The Hand of Fate
Let me tell you something: the only interesting thing about this viewing experience was my hand trying to make my fate more bearable by choking me. Then I realized I could turn the film off, and I did. That's why I'm still alive, thank God! But honestly, this thing has so many bad things about it- if I spit on you, it would be more entertaining. Also, there's not much nudity in the film, and I think there's supposed to be violence, but I only saw comedy. The film has no meaning, however, except that movies can waste your time. My recommendation: hunt the director down and make a real horror movie out of that!
#98 From Justin to Kelly
Here is the tagline:
A lonely, sexually repressed man. A depressed woman. A summer camp. On this fateful night, they will meet... and their hearts will become one.
Here is what it really means:
A flamming closet-case. A fat hippo. A death camp. On this horrific night, they will unleash this terror on us all.
I once heard a philosopher say that music is like poetry. This so-called music in this film is like a dying cat stuck in a vaccum case while its nine lives are drawn out of it. I've always read about how horrible it is to be a tortured prsoner of war. After this film, I was made honourary chairwoman of the Vietnam post-trauma clinic. Forget Milosovic! The people behind this film have truly committed a ghastly crime against humanity.