Okay, I know this is rather old and I know we have some threads on Uwe Boll already, but this one is really hilarious and I think a separate thread is fine.

After his first "movie" House of the Dead was trashed by critics and audiences alike and his name became the epitome for incredibly bad movies, Uwe Boll sent this letter to major film websites defending his first outing and promising that people will see the light once Alone in the Dark comes out...

Here's the letter:


HOUSE Of THE DEAD was in a lot of territories a very big success. In Middle East, Russia, Spain, Thailand and South America was the movie similar to the USA and KANADA two weeks in the TOP TEN and a long time in the Video/DVD-Charts. In a lot of countries the release is coming up in summer. But in the internet are a lot of negative voices talking about the film and I wanna tell all this people that they are right and wrong.

If you think that HOD is shit you are right in a way because it is cheesy but you are wrong in a lot of ways. First of all if you really see the move on screen or DVD you will recognize that the CINEMASCOPE look of the movie and the sound are absolutly A LIST and not one percent less quality as RESIDENT EVIL or UNDERWORLD. Second: What is the game HOUSE OF THE DEAD about ? It is a cheesy action shooter. And dont forget I made a movie out of that game. I did not made a ZOMBIE movie alone - I made a game based movie. So the game is an action shooter game where you kill zombies - and if you really compare my movie to movies like RESIDENT EVIL or UNDERWORLD then I dont know what you was waiting for? In HOD we have a lot of GORE and a lot of action. Much more as in Resident Evil. The big battle in front of the house with the MATRIX and TURN TABLE effects, over 100 blood effects and 11000 cuts in 13 minutes will be film history in a few years because in NO OTHER FILM EVER was a similar scene. Also Rodrigez or Tarantino ever made a scene like this escalating action scene in HOD.

I really tried to make out of a teenage horror script a special new form of a videogame based movie. I'm not 100% satisfied with the result but it was the maximum what I could do with the budget and script. And what is really pissing me of is that a lot of real horrorfans (especially on Creature Corner, IMDB, Yahoo) are not able to see a difference and judge unfair. Third: also if the story/dialog is cheesy the story has no big logical problems or mistakes.

Can you show me in HOD logical mistakes like in the remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD? How the f**k in DAWN OF THE DEAD is coming the fat woman and the other people from the inside of the truck in the mall? How they are coming later back in the tunnel from the house of the sniper?

I write this because I read all that shit and I give my commentaries also. I startet filming as a boy and I had NO CONNECTIONS in the film industry, no nice uncle or rich parents taking care of me. I worked myself in the film industry, made movies like GERMAN FRIED MOVIE or RUN AMOK with NO MONEY and released the movies on my own, travelled to the theatres, talking to the exhibits and to the audience. That I make movies is not a result of VITAMIN B is is the result of my work and my dicipline and my talent.

Before you all write more shit about my movies you should look THE HEART OF AMERICA for example, the movie I did before I made HOUSE OF THE DEAD and you should see ALONE IN THE DARK. After you saw this movies you should have the balls to say "Sorry about my comments!". The weak part of HOD was the story - not the directing. In August ALONE IN THE DARK is finished and this movie is way above movies like UNDERWORLD or RESIDENT EVIL. And for BLOODRAYNE what we do this summer - we have a great script from Guin Turner (she co-wrote AMERICAN PSYCHO) and we will deliver a movie way better as VAN HELSING was (much darker and more brutal).

LOL!! this is so sad!!

i really dont care what he said!, House of the Dead is the crappiest of all crap!! HORRIBLE movie HORRIBLE!!!
worst movie i seen in my life, Gigli is far better!!

i cant believe he actually made this stupid letter!

Did he really spell Canada with a K? What a doof.

I think Uwe Boll meant to spell Canada with a K. Ouch, Canada being dissed by the worst director of the century

Hey Makeshift! I think we've found someone who debates worse than me! :wink:

Good, maybe Canada will be privileged in not having to see any of his movies again.

"You like my movies, or I come to your house and tell you to like them, okay? HOD story sucks, not my genious directing. Why did I choose to direct it? Cause I want to proves people wrong, okay? Go see my other movies and say you're sorry for your previous comments!!"

isnt this the strange guy that has a film due out in 2024?

In German, Canada is spelled with a 'K'. And him being German, he referred to it as Kanada. Krazy, I know!

Yes, well, he should know better anyway!

did he really write this?

He writes & spells like a second grader.

He's German, what do you expect?

Studio Audience: Booooooooooooo!

Hey hey, I'm just sayin' his first language is probably German! Geez, you people take things the wrong way.

If you have to write a letter to defend your films, chances are you shouldn't be directing.

I think Uwe Boll plagiarized that from BKB.

I know this sounds wrong - but if your a German director in Hollywood you should at least try to understand the concepts of grammar and english - this letter makes him sound about as intelligent as his movies. Added together. Times by 4.

That being not very

http://www.uweboll.com/

Uwe Boll's official website: Hacked.

lmao good times

I felt bad for the guy, because he probably thinks he is a good director with great intentions, but everyone is telling him he sucks. Well, that sympathy lasted about 0.0004 seconds. Just like how Simon tells people that music isn't their thing on American Idol, everyone should tell Uwe Boll that directing isn't his thing. In fact, living isn't his thing. Let him get reincarnated as a drug dealer or a man-whore. At least then he'll mean something to someone.

I think the funniest thing is that he says Bloodrayne will be just as good as Van Helsing was.

I guess I can count on a mind-numbingly awful crapfest that makes me want to gouge my eyes out, then.

That's like a movie director saying "Well, right now we're striving to make a film at least half as good as Catwoman!"