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 Baywatch 

Rate This Film
A 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
B 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
C 14%  14%  [ 1 ]
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Total votes : 7

 Baywatch 
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Post Baywatch
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Baywatch is an upcoming American action-comedy film directed by Seth Gordon, based on the television series of the same name. The film stars Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Jon Bass, Ilfenesh Hadera, Priyanka Chopra, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, David Hasselhoff, and Pamela Anderson. Principal photography began on February 22, 2016 in Miami, Florida and Savannah, Georgia. The film will be released by Paramount Pictures on May 25, 2017.

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Tue May 23, 2017 11:24 am
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Post Re: Baywatch
The reviews are pretty bad for this. And it is a mess story wise, but I laughed a good amount. It's biggest problem is the story and the tone. It just doesn't know what kind of comedy it wants to be. There are times when it is going the Starchy and Hutch route and it really builds momentum at times, and then just shifts to 21 Jump Street/ Neighbors Meta that just feels out of place. Which still brought some laughs. Ultimately a missed opportunity, considering how much source material they could have borrowed from.

I think the biggest problems would have been gone had they gone away with the whole "Trainee" storyline, and just made it "this is a day in baywatch" thing where they are already a group would have made this a much more satisfying film. And ultimately a much better comedy. As is: B

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Fri May 26, 2017 12:09 am
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Post Re: Baywatch
So, yeah, this was very dumb and largely unfunny, save for a couple of gags here and there. Anything worth a chuckle is in the trailers. Somehow I found it less offensively dull than Fist Fight, though, still the worst movie I've seen this year.

Also, as hot as I've always found Zac Efron...he needs to tone down his workout routine. He looked genuinely roided out in this.

C-


Tue May 30, 2017 2:05 pm
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Post Re: Baywatch
tree and a half wrote:
_axiom wrote:
Baywatch was always going to either break out or do bad. So it's doing bad. I think it might be because they really changed the whole feel of the brand. It was never a slapstick buddy-buddy frat-like comedy they made it out to be. It was a very cheesy 90's drama with sexy looking people, but still a drama and audiences probably never clicked with the new concept for the brand.

That would have been a daring pitch for a tentpole remake.

I was joking about it in another thread, but _axiom actually called it!

The story in this Baywatch movie is very close to a typical Baywatch TV episode. Sure they added a bit of gross out comedy (which was almost entirely unfunny), but the bulk of the movie was trying hard to be a drama. Unfortunately a storyline that can sustain a 40 minute episode does not play out well when stretched 3x to 120 minutes. Additionally, the actresses were not good enough at acting to makeup for their lack of sexiness - it's a very bad sign for Baywatch when the most attractive chests belong to the two male leads. This is a one dull movie. *F*


Tue May 30, 2017 5:11 pm
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Post Re: Baywatch
I thought it was fine. Nothing great but entertaining enough. Could have been so much funnier. 21 Jump Street it is not.

B-

And I agree Libs. My cousin and I found Efron fucking grotesque here. Not attractive AT ALL.


Wed May 31, 2017 3:50 am
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Post Re: Baywatch
There are, I'm going to be generous, three laughs in the movie. Two were intentional, one was not. This "action/comedy" is 110 minutes long. That's one laugh every 37 MINUTES. The fact that I walked out of a Baywatch movie doing math...well, you know what? America is a little behind when it comes to math. Maybe this should be required viewing?

"Baywatch, a movie so boring it'll make you want to do math!"

Yikes. What a shitshow.

I think the problem is that, for the most part, the film is straightforward. In 21 Jump Street, the characters knew the situation (going back to college as 30 year olds) was absurd. Here, Brody briefly is on the side that they're not detectives, they're lifeguards, but that mindset disappears fast. It just becomes a boring action/comedy and when the action is dull and the comedy is nonexistent, you're pretty much left with an absolute failure of a movie.

F

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Sun Jun 04, 2017 9:05 pm
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Post Re: Baywatch
Devoid of any laughter not even a single character feels great or redeeming here even though Priyanka Chopra seems to be having fun with her role, she isn't given much here. They should have reversed the roles of Rock and Effron and this could have been funnier because of that dynamic, as such we are left with hot mess.

3/10


Tue Jun 06, 2017 1:23 am
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Post Re: Baywatch
Pretty unfortunate how unfunny this movie is. Both Johnson and Efron are likable here, and the rest of the cast is fine, just a poor story/script. The Hasselhoff cameo, cringey.


Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:23 pm
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Post Re: Baywatch
Man this managed to be about as awful as I expected it to be and then some. It was such a chore to get through, but at least I finished it. For an action comedy it's dull as shit and not very funny at all. I probably got three good chuckles out of the whole thing which is sad considering The Rock trying his best, but he isn't given much material to work with. A lot of his jokes either revolved around dicks or making fun of Efron.

Speaking of Efron they found the most predictable way to use him IMO. He's pretty much just the dumb, blonde bimbo the whole movie and yikes did his body look grotesque in that obstacle scene. I seriously hope Efron takes it easy on the workout sessions or else he really is going to start looking like a roided out Ken doll.

Also, wtf was up with all the awful and unnecessary green screen? You know it's bad when we can't even get a real boat with practical fire on it.

The Hasselholf/Anderson cameos sucked too.


Sat Aug 19, 2017 3:20 am
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Post Re: Baywatch
Meh. It wasn't funny at all but it was passable I suppose. Fine for a mindless summer movie. It could have been a lot better. Priyanka Chopra was the only one not completely running on fumes performance wise, I enjoyed her Bond villain esque turn. C+


Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:52 am
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Post 
Baywatch

Well, this is not atrocious like the trailers made it look. It's not great either, but it's totally harmless and like many other comedies that have gone before it. I actually found myself chuckling more than I did with other comedies this year. It reminded me of a cross between Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and Striptease but obviously with a veil of 21 Jump Street thrown over it all.

The film is too long. It would have benefited to shave twenty minutes off the run time, and really tighten up the core moments and laughs. At times, mainly in the first half, it takes its time setting up the characters and circumstances when that really isn't needed in a fucking Baywatch flick. Having said that, the first half actually had more laughs.

It is beautiful to look at. Cleavages in this film are a perfect ten. Never will you see a film with more beautiful pecs and breasts. Even though that is expected of a Baywatch film, Kelly Rohrbach is unbelievable. It's not even fair to all the other chicks. Chopra is a babe, and she looked plastic and ugly compared to Rohrbach. There are no words to describe such a goddess, but I'll try: simply the crème de la crème of bodies, and what a magnificent cleavage and ass. Is there anything she can't look smoking hot in? Never seen a rack like hers before. And she wasn't such a bad actress either. I mean, she won't be winning any awards, but she isn't a wooden bimbo as you'd expect of a Sports Illustrated model. I know that anybody would look beautiful next to Medusa Daddario but, still, she knocks it out of the park! Zac Efron is also one of the big attractions here in terms of appearance. What a bod! I can see beyond his piddly little legs because his upper body is sculpted like a statue. Dwayne ain't bad either, but he's not really focusing on his biceps here. In fact, he's the weak link. He feels like if your dad came with you on Spring Break.

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II stood out for me. He was pretty funny. But I did not value Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson at all. Such pointless and corny cameos. But I just knew they would feature somewhere.

C+


Sat Oct 28, 2017 5:45 am
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Post Re:
Algren wrote:
Baywatch

Well, this is not atrocious like the trailers made it look. It's not great either, but it's totally harmless and like many other comedies that have gone before it. I actually found myself chuckling more than I did with other comedies this year. It reminded me of a cross between Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and Striptease but obviously with a veil of 21 Jump Street thrown over it all.

The film is too long. It would have benefited to shave twenty minutes off the run time, and really tighten up the core moments and laughs. At times, mainly in the first half, it takes its time setting up the characters and circumstances when that really isn't needed in a fucking Baywatch flick. Having said that, the first half actually had more laughs.

It is beautiful to look at. Cleavages in this film are a perfect ten. Never will you see a film with more beautiful pecs and breasts. Even though that is expected of a Baywatch film, Kelly Rohrbach is unbelievable. It's not even fair to all the other chicks. Chopra is a babe, and she looked plastic and ugly compared to Rohrbach. There are no words to describe such a goddess, but I'll try: simply the crème de la crème of bodies, and what a magnificent cleavage and ass. Is there anything she can't look smoking hot in? Never seen a rack like hers before. And she wasn't such a bad actress either. I mean, she won't be winning any awards, but she isn't a wooden bimbo as you'd expect of a Sports Illustrated model. I know that anybody would look beautiful next to Medusa Daddario but, still, she knocks it out of the park! Zac Efron is also one of the big attractions here in terms of appearance. What a bod! I can see beyond his piddly little legs because his upper body is sculpted like a statue. Dwayne ain't bad either, but he's not really focusing on his biceps here. In fact, he's the weak link. He feels like if your dad came with you on Spring Break.

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II stood out for me. He was pretty funny. But I did not value Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson at all. Such pointless and corny cameos. But I just knew they would feature somewhere.

C+

Have you saw True Detective season one? Medusa is inapt after that performance.


Sun Oct 29, 2017 10:36 am
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Post Re: Baywatch
Yes, I saw it. It's great too. But any big boobed girl would have been fine.


Sun Oct 29, 2017 7:13 pm
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Post Re: Baywatch
Algren has to post a picture of his wife. Her magnificent boobs aside, has quite a bit going for her.

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Sat Nov 04, 2017 2:33 am
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Post Re: Baywatch
In the words of William Hurt in A History of Violence:

How do you eff that up?

Made by a committee making baseless assumptions about what we want to see in this kind of movie. The movie was pitched as a self-aware reboot like Jump Street yet the self-awareness is relegated to only a handful of throwaway one liners. The show was popular for female lifeguards yet the movie focuses on two dudes. There’s a “requisite” out of shape guy when there’s no out of shape girl.

And Priyanka Chopra?

SO. OVERRATED.

She really drags the movie down playing the generic humorless Bond villain schtick. And why do people want to watch a Baywatch movie for a villain anyway? The show wasn’t popular for villains.


Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:22 am
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