Seventh Son

A blurry fantasy mess. For all intents and purposes, it could be the sequel/prequel/spin-off to Nicolas Cage’s Season of the Witch. There are witches, dragons, trolls, apprentices, and spooks. It’s very poorly executed. The 3D is by far the worst I have ever seen. Clarity was non-existent and there was no reason to have made it in 3D besides the extra revenue. Jeff Bridges is unbearable, Julianne Moore’s agent needs firing and shows probably why she shouldn’t win Best Actress, Alicia Vikander is a beauty, Djimon Hounsou is yet again another henchman, and Kit Harington dies with a few minutes (YES!!). I am struggling to remember anything from the film and I finished watching it less than an hour ago.

D

LOL. In the past two days, I've watched 4 movies. Seventh Son, American Sniper, Jupiter Ascending, and Focus. The order in which I would rewatch them...

Seventh Son - this was pretty fun. I like Bridges hamming it up in roles like this and RIPD.
The story was easy enough to follow and the special effects were mostly quite good. A nice touch of humor once in a while. The movie actually reminded me of Stardust a few times, though that is a far superior movie. But for what it is, a cliched fantasy film that bombed at the box office, I was pleasantly surprised to be entertained. B+

Jupiter Ascending - Lots of action and actors I like, but the story and action are very unfocused. Also, I'm irritated that it hinted at this huge universe that we're never going to see. B

American Sniper - The best piece of film-making of the bunch, but I enjoy fantasy/sci fi more than this genre. B+

Focus - surprisingly one note. I was hoping for a bit more humor thrown in. But Margot Robbie helps. B

In most respects, this is a bad film in a conventional way: a rushed fantasy adventure film a few executives half a decade ago deluded themselves into believing could be the next Lord of the Rings. (Principal photography began in 2012. The U.S. theatrical release came in 2015.) There is no time for atmosphere or character development as we sprint headlong from one creature and set piece to the next, with any half pause crowded with find-the-stone-to-realize-your-destiny explanation and jargon. It is almost entirely eye-roll-worthy and halfhearted, though small reprieves come in the form of the charismatic and gorgeous Alicia Vikander, doing her willowy best as a good-witch love interest, and gaudily gorgeous sets designed by Dante Ferretti, a three-time Oscar champion for The Aviator, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, and Hugo. Otherwise, however, there is not much here of quality or to remember.

A special note of derision must be reserved, however, for the venerable Jeff Bridges, playing the witch-vanquishing mentor to the bland Ben Barnes' wide-eyed hero. I respect Bridges, and he has made fantastic films over the years (The Last Picture Show, The Fisher King, Fearless, The Big Lebowski), but after this, the mediocre The Giver, and the godawful R.I.P.D., I propose an intervention. He is delivering the same performance again and again: an overbearing, tone-deaf caricature defined by boozy mouthful-of-marbles intonation and a type of exaggerated cattleman swagger. It is as if his every gesture should be followed by a loud hee-haw-hee-haw noise. He made me cringe throughout this film, devouring the scenery without restraint and turning moments of mediocrity (including plentiful corny one-liners) into travesties.

D

I know it is fruitless to question one detail in a film full of B.S., but I am not sure why Barnes and Bridges fought the bear creature/witch. In the end, they just chained him again and set him on fire...which they could have done at the start.

Great review. This part made me chuckle.

It's not unwatchable but it does feel like a movie that has been edited to pieces in post-production, so the overall ending is very much a "that's-it" kind of shrug. I thought Julianne Moore gave a fun camp performance and Alicia Vikander was likable if underused. Jeff Bridges was horrible and the rest of the performances were forgettable. The action sequences are reasonably well-staged though and it goes by fairly quickly. I was expecting worse. C