Oh goody the thread is up, review coming up shortly.

Made by the copy-cat production/film company "Asylum", I knew I was in trouble but the trailer I saw online a couple of months back looked better than "Snakes on a Plane". Directed by first time directors the Mallachi Brothers has a lying tagline but if you thought SOAP didn't live up to the hype this one makes it look like Oscar material.

Tag Line: 100 Trapped Passengers, 2,000 Venomous Vipers!

Plot: A powerful Mayan curse causes snakes to hatch in the stomach of a young woman, eating her inside out. She needs to get from Mexico to Los Angeles in order to have the curse lifted by a powerful Mayan shaman. On the brink of death she boards a train headed for L.A. Unfortunately the passengers are now trapped on board, and left to fall victim to these vicious, venomous vipers.

The first 10 minutes of the movie starts off pretty good. We meet Alma and Miguel two illegal immigrants crossing the border from Mexico to Southern California. Alma is sick (she was cursed by her own family because she ditched an arranged marriage and skip town with Miguel) and he dragging her through the desert. They come camping spot where Miguel pulls out his goody bag of Vodoo/Shaman medicines (aka. Da peace Pipe and a marmalade jar of garter snakes) and procedes to puff Alama with a little second hand smoke. She reacts like most of us would but with a twist. She coughs makes a F*** face and regurgitates a nasty mess of green jello and garter snakes!! There smuggler comes along and bitch slaps Miguel about starting a fire and getting them caught. When he asks what wrong with Alma, out jumps a snake and takes him out. At this point the good stuff is over. Fast forward to the train, which is probably one of the worst cheap sets I have ever scene on screen. It's literally duct-taped together!! We are introduced and shown about a dozen or so passengers and crew who are forgetable(what happened to the 100 advertised passengers?) Alma and Miguel are smuggled on the train and the rest is just rinse and repeat the scene from the desert. No fun death scenes (with the 2 exceptions being a 5 year old girl being swallowed whole and Miguel ripping the heart out of the chest of someone f'ing with his bag of goodys) the acting is horrible and they needed way more extras. There are no vipers, just garter snakes and pythons that really would hurt a fly.
The Climax is "ROFL" huge snake swallows the 20 car train.... and then wait for it........... floats off into the sky in a tornado. Basically it should have been named "Swallowing & Throwing up snakes on the Floor".
Worst movie of the year! Good thing it was Direct to DVD.

Oh and don't even think about watching any of the other Asylum pictures with names like:

666:The child
Pirates of Treasure Island

And the audacity of...

The 911: Commission report

F

Truly awful.

I've seen a LOT of bad DTV creature feature films before, ones that most people would normally give Fs. However, this wasn't fun on any level. I turned it off halfway through - man I'm glad I did.

Exactly. This wasn't even fun in a kitchsy manner. It was just dull and dumb.

WTF. That is really retarded and unrealistic. I will be skipping this.

Did you expect otherwise?

No, but that is a completely retarded ending. I would give it an F just based on reading a plot summary.