The Twitter Fight
by Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold
Tom: Cleaned out garage and dropped boxes at Goodwill. Hope someone really needs 47 remote controls, 65 phone chargers and my old wedding videos.
Roseanne: Of me? bc if they are, I would like that footage since it has my kids in it-it's not really your choice2 destroy.
Tom: It's still there. They are only charging $1 for it and the proceeds go to a good cause.
Roseanne: what the fuck is wrong with U?
[A Twitter user comments "Some poor sap hoping for canned goods is gonna get a box with VHS tapes of the Jackie Thomas Show -- life's cruel." To which Barr replies, "Oh, no -- those are protected in his vault w shwartznegger's dna." The Jackie Thomas Show was Arnold's 1992 sitcom on ABC, co-created by Barr. It lasted only one season.]
Tom: What is wrong with you? So damn serious all the time
Roseanne: i'm asking you a question -- try answering it honestly. It's not THAT hard, really.
Tom: Yes mother dear
Roseanne: hey, can u answer my q?
Tom: Here's the better question: What did YOU do with your copy of our old wedding videos?
Roseanne: you took it
Tom: Let's put this petty bickering to rest and agree that The Jackie Thomas Show was awesome.
Roseanne: can u just answer my q b4 it all becomes about you?
Tom: All about me??? I've got old wedding videos from several women. Why you think it's all about YOU? Good lord I feel sorry for Monsanto with you on their asses
[Monsanto is the agricultural biotech corporation involved in a number of class action lawsuits over health issues related to its products. Barr has been an outspoken opponent.]
Tom: I've been thinking and your uterus might've been an actual tracking device all along. How did you find me???
Roseanne: some 1 sent ur tweet here
Tom: Remember when U said your uterus was a tracking device only your real uterus was not actually a tracking device. Was a joke.
[Roseanne had a line in her stand-up act that went, "But this bugs me the worst, it's when the husband thinks the wife knows where everything is huh. Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. Cause he comes in and goes 'Hey Roseanne, do we have any Cheetos left?' Like he can't go over a lift up that sofa cushion himself."]
Roseanne: So then your answer is: no, they are not of me or my kids? That's all u really have to say --
Tom: Don't you agree that it's pretty fucked up that I even have to say that???
[By now Twitter has gathered around to cheer on the two parties as if at an illegal cockfight.
Roseanne tweets that "it's fun to spam block all the ppl commenting!"]
Tom: Fun? Is it really? You must get out more sweetie.
Roseanne: I'm sick in bed.
Tom: I'm sorry. Hope you feel better. Just glad I could brighten up your day a bit
Roseanne: ppl think this is a fight! lol- anyway-i'm taking it that it wasn't me in the video-thanks for the response! have a good one-ur kid is very cute.
Tom: Thank you. I will seriously look to see if there's anything with you or your kids out there. Don't think so but will look.
Roseanne: i do appreciate that-what is the baby named? how old?
Tom: Jax Copeland Arnold. 15 weeks of amazing. Hopefully he will sleep one day.
Roseanne: that's a cute name -- what a little doll -- thank you:) forgot to ask -- what sign is he?
Tom: April 6 so what is that?
Roseanne: aries in hebrew calender -- ur pisces, what is ur wife sign?
Tom: November 29....1996..kidding. It's November 29
Roseanne: sag. u guys will have your work cut out 4 u as jax's sign is powerful as hell.
