Mr. X
Sexual Rating: Oblivious

Mr. X
You my friend would fuck with the light off else you'd probably burn that pale white skin of yours. You will not groom yourself for your mate who may either be seriously turned on (if she is kinky) or pack up and leave upon witnessing pubes the size of rumplestilskin chick and breath that smells like you just finished bacon.

As everyone here doubts you'd get a woman wet enough in the first place, you'd probably blow your load in the first 10 seconds while you're trying to force your way in. It will be the best sex you've ever had.

Korrgan
Sexual Rating: Cock Tease

Its not that you're shy when all is said and done. One of those 'i talk the big talk or don't walk the walk. Its more of 'yea, i'd do all those things but really, i have so much fun just .. you know ... teasing you, its what gets me off more than any sex in the world.

You probably invite girlfriends over to so you can watch a guy get teased. and then you embarrass him with promises of things he's only seen on the least searched youporn searches. As he stands there naked with a flower in his ass and his knee over his head, you leave the room laughing while he dies a little inside.

If you did my sex life when I was in college (and playing in bands, and hanging around with artists and musicians) it would be quite exciting. But now I'm an old married guy with a wife who is basically handicapped...

So no, don't write one for me, Baba. I just wanted to let people know that I used to have a very good sex life, with lots of interesting, um, combinations, long before they were probably born.

Do me.

Let me have it.

best not to let your wife read the above post. it would make her quite sad.

It makes both of us sad, actually.

But you know -- I love my wife and I took an oath to stay by her in sickness and in health and all that. And I keep my oaths.

Oh, and those college years? Remember that she was in college with me and I was dating her at the time...

Snrub
Sex Ranking: Whiskey Dick

Oh Neil. One may claim that you are promiscious but that does not mean that you've ever found your penis inside a woman's open orifice. You can satisfy many women with that tongue but when its time for big daddy cool to make an appearance, he spends many a moments pointing down than up. You drink too much man! Stop living in the moment dude! drink a little less and maybe, just maybe, you may stop waking up in the mornings with an unsatisfied dick on the days the girls decide to stay over and a messy milky mess on the nights they don't.

Michael
Sex Rating: village girl

Michael michael michael. You are terribly shy in bed. You're the type who is so scared to get naked the first time around another man that you cover your pee pee place and clench your asshole shut refusing the request for penetration. With women, you stick to missionary, in the hopes that neither of you can see each other's bodies while performing the act.

It is the most uneventful yet most challenging sexual encounter for your partners.

Christian
Sex Rating: Oh man!

Like the promises of dirty catholic girls on those infamous links, Christian, you're that person behind the link just waiting to stick a string full of plastic balls into places no one thought would fit. Then proceed to take them out and shove them into the mouth of whoever is around. A frequenter of group bukake's there is little or nothing left to the imagination when it comes to you. Penetrative Docking? Check. Penis Sword Fighting competitions? Check. Long Distance Cum shooting? A veteran. Most people you date are imtimidated by you which results in most of your sexual encounters with people you don't really care about much. Someday, you'll move past the one night stands

Ripper
Sexual Rating: Experimental

You're into experimenting yet shy. You're one of those that is scared about trying out something new but when its done and over with, have a more mature attitude towards it, whatever mature means. Deep down inside, you are willing to try anything as long as it doesn't take a disrespectful turn (which is hard as most things to you are acceptable to begin with). You've most definetely been spanked, involved in menage a 'x' (where x can be substituted for any positive integer over 2), have definetely tried out the baloon fetish and wondered 'wtf is this all about' and most definetely made a guy miss his early morning meeting by proceeding to provide your own wake up call; one that wakes him but convinces him to stay in bed in the position hes already in till you're done.

BJ
Sexual Rating: High Expectations

Much like your box office expectations, you expect too much from the woman. You expect half inch hole in thickness, the ability that she can stroke you at 20 strokes a second and her ability to excite you enough to expect 3 liters of jizz to trickle out of you. her boobs must be 44FF even though the tight clothing on her says otherwise, her entire body is shaved cept her hair.

Just like the films you're predicting, she probably meets less than half those requirements. It doesn't bother you but the chick is probably quite turned off and feeling very inadequate

Yup. In Full, please.

TonyMontana
Sex Rating: AnalRapist

Witnessing too much man on man action in jail, your sexual identity is confused. You're lately into getting your anus flicked by spoons, dressing up in police costumes, getting yourself handcuffed in precarious and uncomfortable positions. You're not really sure about whats going on but you're in it for the ride now. Tomorrow, you're meeting up Chyna who will be introducing you to new concepts of bondages.

Sun Ra
Sexual Rating: Godly

You run through 10 women an hour who brink you to the point of climax before you ask them to go away, take a minute long break and order the next. at the end of the 24 hours, the (un)lucky who gets you to the climax is found flying and crashing through the ceiling, and ending up half a km away in a Motel 6 parking lot.

Chipmunky
Sex Rating: Tiring

You're a small man after about 15 humps, you're left feeling quite tired. your mate decides to help but any amount of force on you risks the danger of breaking your pelvis bones. More often than not, you need to be finished by hand right after which, you pass out.

Price
Sex Rating: Romantique!

Aaaah you bring to the table spanish lovin' that others cannot provide. its not so much the sex act that gets you going but the hunt. You take pride in stealing the love of those around you. Flexing your muscles around the ladies, heavily exagerating your accent, saying the sweetest things you can, a woman cannot resist the charm and she finds herself breaking a commandment.

One of these days, you will be shot to death by a friend.

Almost right

This one I'd love to hear...

wrong!

Do me.

Actually, alcohol doesn't affect my sex drive at all. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it makes me hornier.

So there.

That's the 2nd time in a row that you've mentioned sex with me involving kitchen utensils and/or silverware. Nobody is going to want to eat over at my house if you keep revealing these things.

In case my family or friends are reading this.... they should know that I wash them thoroughly after each use!

nope.

you keep telling yourself that.