Oh, trust me, writing 27 pages was hard as fuck, I have hardly written more than a page at one session over the past 5-6 years either.

Also, I am pretty much done with my share, as you have said. I have done all that I think is in my power and all that should come from me. The ball is in her court now. Either way, I did not only feel much better right after our talk, but also the whole next day too. felt relieved because I knew that however it goes, I really did do my part and after meeting her I know that she knows it.

Glad you're feeling better. No matter the outcome, it's always better to accept it otherwise it'll always weigh on you.

LOVE friends.

"FRONT and BACK."

That video has been already posted, Bradley. Too late as often.

Anyway, we had a short chat on the phone today (it was about the upcoming wedding) and she sounded distant and somewhat dismissive again. And there went the good feeling I had since Sunday. Wonder if the read the letter(s).

Those aren't the same clips. The one you posted is funny, but rather mean in the context of the OP's situation. The one I posted gives the perspective of the writers of these type of letters.

Oh, Bradley.

Anyway, my experience was more like Chippy's clip.

In the end, it seems to have turned out similar to what Magnus and TDS have predicted.

Her coming to the wedding that I was man of honor at was a terrible idea. It was insane that she actually asked if it was okay if she attended and it was stupid of me to say "yes". We ended up being seated together at a table at which we knew no one else because I originally was supposed to sit next to the bride, but now that I was with +1 again, there was no more space at that table... The whole thing was too much and when I asked her today, a week later, why the hell she wanted to come in the first place, she said she did it for me because she was trying to find the middle ground between having no contact at all and having a lot of contact. That was probably the worst possible way to do so. At least that we both agreed on today.

But then she wanted to cut off all contact entirely. Which ended up in us talking on the phone for an hour and her once again failing to explain, well, anything really. She said that a few months back she tried to envision us in ten years and she couldn't so that was pretty much the thing that got her over the edge. Yet when I brought up many many nice and loving months in the last months, she had nothing to respond. I think she is generally unhappy with how her life is going (with her approaching 30), work-wise, living situation-wise and so on. And she felt the need to change something, so she changed the biggest constant she has had in her life ever since moving to Germany, which would be the relationship, even though I don't think it is that that was holding her back. I told her my point of view on this today as well and asked that all I want is just openness to the idea that it might not have been me or the relationship that she was actually unhappy with and that she can move ahead in her life with me and not only without me. Her response was that such openness can only appear if I stop trying to convince her of it and actually leave her some time. Which, in my opinion, I have done plenty, but since I am entirely out of options anyway, I had no choice but to agree. She said she has only read the first of the three letters (those 27 pages were combined), but not the main one yet (which is 17-18 pages, but not front and back ) because it was too hard on her and she couldn't muster the strength yet to read them. Bleh.

Either way, I am profoundly sad in a way I have rarely been in my life. I have never been depressed in my life or had suicidal thoughts, but I think now I at least have got a taste what it must feel like for those actually afflicted.

I also realized yesterday that it is the first November since I was 19 (in 2005) that I am single.

Cheer up, buddy.

Learning to handle emotional trauma is the biggest key to happiness in life.

Sorry to hear it. The healing process can now begin. I'll be thinking of you!

You know, yeah, this is true. But fuck that because I have had enough emotional trauma in my life to learn how to handle it and I felt perfectly happy two months ago.

I know, everything IS a learning experience, but I could do without some.

Ugh, that sucks. A long time relationship ending in a sudden way always is a gut punch, no matter the way it ended. I'm sorry :/

If you go on any job interviews, keep an eye out for Minka Kelly or someone named Autumn...

Sorry to hear that, Lecter.

So was I...

I doubt Minka Kelly will do anything big enough to actually come to Germany

But Jennifer Lawrence will be in Berlin in December...

I think I have a violin here somewhere.

How's it going

Sometimes better sometimes worse. I miss her and Christmas time isn't making it any better. Neither is the fact that my 87-year old grandma is in a bad condition in a hospital (doctors are not optimistic). My ex would have been the first person to turn to for support. Sure, I have lots of very good friends and they are there for me all the time, but it is not quite the same.

That sucks about your grandma. The girl is just a girl, but your grandma is serious. Visit her as much as you can. Let her know that she's the most important thing in your life.

Well, she is not responsive at the moment (and hasn't been much really for the past two years...). But of course I am visiting her. As mentioned in the other thread, my mom is also in the hospital - same one as my grandma. They are now in the same room together.

Oh fuck. That truly sucks. I hope there is a happy ending in there somewhere.

When the doctor claims that at this point all we can hope for is a "miracle", it is tough to be optimistic. You do not go to the hospital for a miracle...

Either way, I cannot wait for this fucking year to be over. It has been shitty to me.

Sure, it's not easy. Hang in there.