Dumas’ The Three Musketeers novels are undisputable classics of western literature and the musketeers’ story belongs to one of the most adapted ones in western cinema. So it comes as a surprise that there haven’t been all that many major takes on the premise as of late. The last big adaptation of the novel was the misguided wire-fu swashbuckler The Musketeer in 2001. Before that it was the classic and dated Disney adaptation in 1993 starring Chris O’Donnell as D’Artagnan. The time is definitely ripe for a good fresh take on the tale. Paul W. S. Anderson’s The Three Musketeers, unfortunately, isn’t one.
The plot remains (mostly) the classic one. Young D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) travels from the French province to Paris hoping to join the Three Musketeers, the king’s royal guard. After initially unfortunate run-ins with each of the musketeers a thrown-in battle against forty of evil Rochefort’s henchmen brings them together. They join forces to stop the overly complicated plot to overthrow the inept boyish king Louis XIII (Freddie Fox), making Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) the ruler of France. The plot involves a fake affair of the king’s young wife (Juno Temple) with the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) and requires the musketeers to break into the London Tower to retrieve some stolen jewels. There are also some Jules Verne-esque flying warships (what?) and a deadly female assassin (Anderson’s wife and regular Milla Jovovich) involved.
The trailer promises an action-laden, fun-filled steampunk-ish take on the original tale with a good cast, impressive 3D and tons of action. Looking at the finished product it’s impossible to say that the marketing is misleading as the film offers most of what the trailer promise. Yet there is barely a moment in which the movie really manages to excite the viewer in the same way as the original Pirates of the Caribbean (or even any of its sequels) does. There is no lack of action here as Anderson stages several swashbuckling sequences, mid-air warship battles and break-ins into the trap-filled vaults of a Venetian palace. But very little of this action manages to engage. In particular most of the swashbuckling sequences (which is the primary good action you’d expect of a musketeers movie) come across as rather unimpressive, except for one on top of the Notre Dame in Paris towards the end of the film. The flying warships make for some impressive visual effects, but their part in the movie reminds of the giant mechanical spider in Wild Wild West. For those who haven’t seen the latter – that is not a good thing.
It was never to be expected that Anderson would adapt the Three Musketeers story faithfully. However as Guy Ritchie has very impressively shown with Sherlock Holmes – you can update a classic period-set story with modern elements and yet retain the spirit of the original. That is exactly what is lacking in Anderson’s movie. It just feels like an overloaded, but soulless action extravaganza. What adds even more to the disappointment is the film’s fairly solid cast that isn’t given much to do. In particular the film’s two main villains as played by Christoph Waltz and Mads Mikkelsen as Richelieu’s right hand man Rochefort are a complete waste. When you have some of the best foreign language actors who have both impressively played villains in the past in roles like these you’d expect more than basically sleepwalking through their scenes. Mikkelsen gets a good scene or two, but is mostly just underused. Waltz just plays a poor man’s Hans Landa here. Milla Jovovich’s Milady de Winter is not much to write home about character-wise, though she does the action girl part well once again. Surprisingly it’s Orlando Bloom’s sleazy and gullible Duke of Buckingham who escapes mostly unscathed here. As for our heroes – Ray Stevenson, Luke Evans and especially Matthew MacFayden are all well cast as Porthos, Aramis and Athos respectively, but the screenplay doesn’t treat their characters well either. They never leave a lasting impression. Neither does Percy Jackson’s Logan Lerman whose young D’Artagnan is paradoxically one of the movie’s most forgettable and unimpressive characters. At no point have I found him to be a character to root for, not even during his climatic fight scene towards the film’s end. He’s even given a pretty throwaway love story that’s incredibly unmemorable.
It’s not all-out bad. As I have mentioned there’s still plenty of action not to be bored and the visual effects as well as the sets are wonderful. Like with Resident Evil: Afterlife the film has been shot in 3D and it shows. The depth effects are well-done, though I could have done with less swords-coming-at-the-audience moments. But all technical achievements just can’t make up for the general irrelevance and blandness of the plot. There is a lot going on all the time, but as a viewer I didn’t really care much. Oh and in case I haven’t mentioned them by now – there are flying warships (which are also included in a chuckle-worthy scene at the film’s end that threatens us with a sequel) in this movie. Dumas must have turned in his grave more than a couple of times.
